As carefully as he had enfolded me, he released me slowly, taking a long step back. Tears in my eyes, I looked up at him, smiling. But his face was just as grim, and to my horror he turned away and went through the door into the hall. I followed, only to find Simus, Joden, Warren and Other standing there. Anna was there as well, with a tray of tea and sweets. Marcus stood off to one side, already wrapped in his cloak.
Keir cleared his throat. “Simus, you will remain here, as my representative. Joden, you will return with me to camp.” He spun on his heel to look at me. “Warren, I charge you with Queen Xylara’s security. For her own safety, I forbid her access to my camp. She is to remain safe within the city walls until I depart.”
Everyone gaped at him. He turned, and strode away, with Joden and Marcus scrambling behind him. Seized with an outraged fury, I grabbed the tea pot off Anna’s tray, and hurled it at Keir’s head. It missed, flew into the wall, and shattered into a thousand pieces, spraying tea everywhere. Keir flinched, but kept moving.
Just as shattered as the pot, I spun on my heels and ran, crying, to my old bedroom.
An hour later, the door opened, and two servants brought in one of the crates from my stilltent. I looked up, still weepy-eyed as they set it down, and bowed themselves out of the room. It didn’t take long for me to pry open the rough lid. It contained my herb book, my notebooks, my under things, the vanilla soap and oils, and the white sheath. No note, no comment, no message. I sat on the floor next to it, and wept.
The next morn, I watched from the window as the army packed up and prepared to march, letting the tears flow down my cheeks. I sat by the window all day as the shadows lengthened, and the torches flared up in the darkness. How could he do this? Didn’t he want me? I’d heard stories of course, overheard kitchen maids sobbing to Anna about men who’d stolen their virtue and left them crying, alone. Was that it?
I hurt so much, my head, my heart. My sorrow seemed unending and bottomless. Over and over, the events of the past week flicked through my mind. I leaned my cheek against the rough stone and gave in to my despair.
Anna brought in food at regular intervals. I am fairly certain that she begged me to eat something.
Warren came in, with reports and documents that needed my attention. I am sure that some of them were important.
Remn came in, to talk books and the replacement of the stillroom. I am fairly certain that he talked for some time before he left.
Othur came in, and discussed duties and obligations. He talked for quite awhile, till finally I turned and stared at him. He looked into my eyes, sighed, and left.
Heath came in, and stood there for a bit. He walked up behind me, and laid a hand on my shoulder. When I looked up, he smiled. “Follow your heart, my sister.” He turned and left the room.
And so I sat, mired in sadness and grief, ‘til just after dawn.
Eln entered. With gentle, understanding hands, he pulled me away from the window, and seated me on the bed. He checked me over quietly, with no comment. I closed my puffy eyes and sat silently, my head aching something fierce. Finally, Eln put one finger under my chin and lifted my head. I opened my eyes to see his concerned face, before a strange look flashed over his features.
Eln slapped me.
The blow rocked my head back, and I saw stars. I jumped up, my hand pressed to my face in astonishment, and felt the heat in my cheek. Eln stood there glaring, his face disdainful. “Is this the girl that demanded to become my apprentice? Who healed the enemy in the face of her brother’s wrath? Who sacrificed her life for her people?” His mouth pursed, like he had tasted bad wine.
“Eln, I—”
“No excuses. You want something, you work for it, not sulk in your room weeping like a spoiled child. In all honor, either balance the needs of your people and your desires, or accept your responsibilities.” He drew himself up. “I am ashamed to claim you as student when you act like this.”
The heat that flooded my face had nothing to do with his blow. I bowed my head. “I’m sorry, Master.”
“Then do something.” Eln swept toward the door. “Bathing would be a good start.”
He left me standing there, looking down at my tear-stained tunic and feeling an utter fool. My old master was right. There was more at risk here than my heart, and I was acting like a spoiled child. Embarrassed, I wiped my face, gathered up clean clothes and opened the door to the hall. Two guards stood outside the door, and a chambermaid was sitting against the far wall. She jumped when I opened the door.
“Your Majesty.” She curtsied, wobbling a bit as she rose.
I grimaced. “Not very majestic at the moment.”
She fixed her eyes on me like a frightened doe.
“I’m going down to the baths. Would you ask Anna to have some food ready for when I’m done? I’ll come down to the kitchen.”
“I’d bring up a bath for you, Majesty, if you want.”
“No, thank you. Just please take my message to Anna.”
“Oh, yes, Your Majesty. She’ll be so happy.” The girl hiked up her skirts and took off.
“Wait!” I called after her. She turned, still moving backwards. “Please ask Othur to join me there?”
“Oh, aye, I’ll tell him you want him.” She called over her shoulder. “Aye!”
“Make sure you say please!”
I heard her faint ‘Aye’ as I turned to my guards and looked them over. The younger one shifted uncomfortably. The older one gave me a patient look. “Your Majesty, Lord Marshall Warren’s orders are that you are to be protected at all times. Him and the Warlord’s orders.” sighed, but knew this was a lost cause. I nodded to the guards, and started down the corridor.
Scrubbed clean, and with fresh clothes, I sat at the huge table near the hearth in the kitchen, with hot soup and bread before me. The soup was thick with chunks of meat and potatoes. The bread was warm, and Anna was spreading the butter thick with a knife. “Here, child, eat.”
My two guards were at the kitchen door, far enough for privacy’s sake. Othur sat opposite me, nursing an ale. “Might as well, Lara. She won’t rest until you do.”
I pulled the bowl close, hoping that the warm food would ease the pounding in my head. I craved a mug of kavage, but knew better than to ask for it. Besides, it wouldn’t taste the same without—
I cut that thought off, and dug into the food.
“I can drizzle the bread with some honey.” Anna moved toward the shelves.
“No, Anna, please sit.” I tucked a strand of damp hair behind my ear, and kept eating.
Anna finally settled her bulk on the stool next to me, her smile so large it increased the number of her chins. “There’s so much to plan, now that you’re returned safe and sound to us. A coronation feast, the ceremonies—”
The bread tasted wonderful, and I dipped a piece in the soup as Anna talked about a half dozen things, including preparing my father’s old rooms for me. Othur said nothing, just studied his ale, then my face, then returned to his ale again. Eventually, Anna ran out of words and she sat silent, darting looks between Othur and me. Neither of us was willing to speak first, and finally Anna lost her patience. “What is it, child?”
“She doesn’t want the crown.” Othur rumbled.
“What?”
“Othur,” I pleaded. “You’ve been the seneschal for years, under my father. Can you honestly say it’s in the best interest of the kingdom for me to rule?”
Othur frowned. “You are a Daughter of Xy. Your duty requires you to rule your kingdom and rule it well, Xylara. That is what your father would expect of you. Regardless of your personal desires.”