“For what reason are you angry, woman?”
“You wouldn’t believe me! I show you what a phazor can do, I show you what I can do, I even show you live kystrals, all proof enough as far as I’m concerned, but no, I’m still spinning tall tales. And yet all Martha does is show you the blast of a puny repulsion beam, and whammo, you’re convinced. Well, thanks a farden lot, but I no longer care what you believe.”
He came over to her to draw her into his arms, despite the struggle she put up to prevent him. Thus drawn, she began to think of other things, hating it, but it happened every time he held her like that. It wasn’t fair that he could chip away at her mad so easily, but she had to face it. Nothing was fair for women on his world.
“I have no liking for what I have admitted,” he told her in his usual calm tone that never supported or disproved what he was saying. “I so dislike it that I would not have admitted it did such not happen that it could no longer be denied. Now I must make known to the shodani of Kan-is-Tra your existence, your reasons for coming, what you offer, and what you want in return. Thus are you no longer of interest solely to me, but to all of Kan-is-Tra. This is what I object to, woman, what I have attempted to avoid in the denying of your origins. Not even to your Martha would I admit that I suspected from our first meeting that you spoke true.”
“You-ah-haven’t said why you object,” Tedra pointed out, grinning, appeased, and light-headed with what she hoped was the reason.
“I had assumed it would interfere with your challenge loss service. I have just decided it will not.”
She leaned back to look at him, her expression disgruntled. “Is that so? And is that your only reason?”
“You wish to hear that I wanted you to be of my world, and therefore claimable?”
“I think I’ve already figured that one out,” she bit out. “What else?”
“You wish to hear that I have discovered in myself a possessiveness unusual in warriors?”
She hoped he was only teasing her, but there was only one way to find out. “That’s better. And since you’ve admitted that much, I’ll do some admitting of my own. I’ve fallen in love with you, Challen.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“It was inevitable, but it pleases me that it has happened in so short a time.”
She stared at him incredulously. That was it? He was pleased? Actually, he did look pleased, but that wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear. And she realized she’d never hear the words she craved, that she’d forgotten a major discovery she’d made shortly after arriving here, that barbarians weren’t capable of strong emotion, at least not of the softer variety. A fine time to remember that, after she’d let that soft emotion get a grip on her.
“You can forget that silly confession of mine, warrior. I lied.”
He had the gall to show he was amused by that. “Such is the reaction of a woman of high expectations. Best you know now, kerima, ” he added gently. “Women experience love, warriors do not. Sha-Ka’ani women give their love freely, accepting that no more than protection and caring can be returned. You will also come to accept this.”
“Wanna bet?” She shoved out of his arms and turned her back on him. “Look, it doesn’t matter one way or the other,” she managed to get out over the lump in her throat. “What we got going is only temporary anyway, so it’s no big deal. Now, can we forget the nonsense and get on with what’s important? I’d like to have all negotiations settled before my service is over so I won’t be further delayed here.”
His arms came around her again from behind, squeezing so hard she was fast approaching pass-out. “Such is not nonsense that causes you hurt, kerima. I will not allow you to feel this hurt.”
“Won’t allow?” She choked on a laugh. “You’re killing me!”
The pressure eased, but only because he turned her around to face him again. “You will cease these thoughts of the temporary, woman. When your service is over, you will not be quit of me. I will return with you to your world to do what must be done there that has importance to you, but then you will return with me here, and here you will stay.”
“And if I refuse?”
“Then you will not have the help your Martha claims you need.”
“You’re making it a farden condition?” she asked with rising temper.
“Yes.”
She stared at him, fighting the urge to scream with an equal urge to laugh. Had she gone nuts in the past few minutes?
“Do you even know what you’re bargaining to get yourself involved in?”
“It matters not. Do you understand that I will never let you go? You gave me your love-”
“I took it back-” she tried inserting, but uselessly.
“You gave it; thus is it mine to keep, not yours to take back. In return, I give to you my life, yours to keep until the day I die.”
She had a feeling those were formal words that somehow were committing. She also had a feeling, which thrilled her to her toes, that the big jerk loved her and didn’t even know it. If these barbarians needed anything, it was reeducation in their beliefs, especially the belief that warriors didn’t have feelings. Her warrior had put enough feeling into what he was saying to melt her bones. And why had she given up, anyway, she who never gave up? If he didn’t love her now, she’d just have to work on it until he did.
Chapter Thirty-seven
A craving for something tart drove Tedra to the kitchens late one afternoon several days later. Since she had apprised Challen of the situation on her world and what was needful, she hadn’t seen much of him. His days were filled with clearing away all business that couldn’t await his return, for his planned trip to meet with the other shodani was scheduled for tomorrow. Messengers had been sent out to gather them all together, but it would still take days to reach the meeting place, and days longer until all the shodani showed up, if they did. Transferring could have cut that time in half, but Challen had refused to consider it.
Tedra hadn’t pressed the matter because she assumed she would be going along, and was frankly looking forward to seeing some more of the planet. But she had been disabused of that notion this morning. She wasn’t needed on the trip, not as long as the warrior had Martha to do any convincing and demonstrating, and Martha was apparently willing to cooperate fully.
To say Tedra wasn’t pleased with Challen’s decision was putting it mildly. She was, in fact, furious with him. The meeting would determine whether or not she would be getting the mercenaries she needed, whether or not the shodani would even agree to trade with sky-flyers. She had every right to be there. But not as far as her barbarian was concerned. No, he didn’t want her coming under such close scrutiny of other warriors as powerful as he. His possessiveness was acting up and he didn’t even know it, but this was no time for it when the matter was so important to her.
She still meant to have another go at changing his mind tonight, if he managed to return to his chambers before the late hour guaranteed she’d be sleeping. Right now she tried putting the matter from her mind. The strange craving she was having helped to do that.
The kitchen was busy at this time of day in preparation for the evening meal. Tedra wouldn’t have admitted it, but she found the place fascinating, all the human labor involved, the Darasha camaraderie, women enjoying what they were doing, though what they were doing were jobs considered obsolete on Kystran. But she wouldn’t spoil their fun or feelings of usefulness by telling them that. Besides, it hadn’t become common knowledge yet who she really was; only Challen’s warriors were privy to that information. The women still thought her to be a captive, the story of her being a challenge loser unanimously doubted by them all.