When my sister got married I’d thought the pestering would end, but Sharon had been unable to carry a baby to term. After her fourth miscarriage, Sharon and her husband stopped trying and bought a pair of chocolate Labradors.
Bracing myself for his questions, I gesture for him to start.
‘What are your thoughts on your father leaving?’
‘I have very little memory of him. He was this figure who used to come home exhausted every night and climb into the bath after tea. At weekends he would play games with me and Sharon until the pubs opened and then he’d be off.’ I ignore the scratching of his pen and put forward a question of my own. ‘What do you reckon Kira’s motive was?’
‘There are a number of possibilities. The first being she had self-esteem issues and wanted the adulation she’d engender fulfilling men’s basest fantasies. What’s your last memory of your father?’
‘Making sure I was in bed before he came home from the pub. Next possibility?’
‘That Kira resented her father in some way for something and hooked as a way to get back at him.’ He lifts a hand to forestall my interruption. ‘That doesn’t explain why she kept it secret, unless she’d told her family about it and only kept it secret from the rest of the world. What do you remember after your father left?’
I hesitate for a moment as I recall the oceans of tears Mother and Sharon had shed.
When I think about it, I figure he’ll have been told everything by Mother so I give him an honest answer. ‘I was only six, but what I remember is lots of crying and less biscuits. Mother tried to make ends meet on handouts from the government and by taking in ironing, but things were a lot tighter than they were before he left.’
‘I see. And how do you feel looking back on those days?’
‘Proud of Mother for the way she rose to the challenge of raising us by herself. She went without a lot of things so we didn’t have to…’ Realising what he’s done I trail off. ‘That’s two in a row, Doc. You need to give me two more reasons Kira lived the life she did.’
‘She may have resented living off her father’s wealth. Maybe this was her way of building a financially secure future for herself, so she didn’t have to rely on her father’s handouts. Another theory may be that she had a romantic notion that she could fall in love with one of these men. It may seem far-fetched but it’s not unknown for some girls to take up that kind of lifestyle in the hope they’ll snare a husband.’
I shake my head at his suggestions. Kira had no shortage of admirers and was pretty enough to turn the heads of those she was attracted to. There is no way she was lonely enough to use hooking as a way of meeting a husband.
‘What about the bondage dungeon? The submission? That’s a whole different ballgame from plain old streetwalking.’
‘I take it Kira never shared that kind of sexual activity with you?’
‘No, nothing like that.’ I feel uncomfortable telling him this stuff but I’m aware he needs to know so he can properly answer my questions. ‘We had steamy passionate sex, but never once did she suggest anything like that.’
He sits without speaking, his lips pursed and brow furrowed. ‘That intimates that she had unfulfilled desires. The submissive aspect itself suggests feelings of low self-worth and a total lack of self-esteem. Yet you said that she would be the dominant one if that was her client’s preference. What is more indicative is the story you told me about one of her clients.’
I know the one he means. His eyes had widened and his scribbles had stopped as he listened to me relate how Kira had taken a trip with a particular client. That she’d taken a trip wasn’t interesting. The client’s requests and the fact she’d gone along with them had been a different matter.
Kira had agreed to meet her client for a one-week trip to the Caribbean. I’d read the message chain between Kira and the client. They’d discussed how she’d drawn looks from every person they’d met. How her nipples had been exposed by sheer material or the cut of her dresses. Together they’d reminisced over a maître d’ who’d been unable to take his eyes off her the night she’d worn a transparent dress and nothing else.
I’d read back to the start of the conversation and saw Kira agree to meet the client wearing nothing but a dress. The client was to provide all her clothes for the week and she was to wear them without question regardless of how revealing they’d be.
She’d agreed without compromise, her only question being if the client had her measurements.
‘To subjugate yourself in a private one-to-one situation is one thing. To do so for a full week, where you are publicly displayed like a trophy is another. It suggests a worrying level of inverted narcissism.’ He strokes his beard. ‘She’s saying “hey look at me” by wearing revealing clothes, yet by letting a man choose the clothes, she is displaying captive tendencies as the client would be with her, lapping up male envy and female disdain. I could write a whole paper based on that one encounter.’
‘Could this trait be something that would lead her into danger?’
‘Without a doubt. Not knowing how long it had gone on for, I couldn’t say if it was in any way responsible for her getting into a situation where she was killed, but it would lead to her seeking greater levels of subjugation to counterbalance the adulation from the client.’ He lays down his pad and looks at me. ‘I believe it’s my turn to ask you a question or two. Leaving your childhood behind and looking at your present life. Are you happy living the life you do?’
‘Absolutely.’ The answer is out before I’ve given it any consideration.
‘From what your mother has told me, your relationships don’t tend to last more than a few dates. Don’t you find it a lonely way to live?’
‘Not at all. I lived in the family home until I was twenty-two. My family are all close at hand and I see my friend Alfonse almost every day. I enjoy spending time at home by myself.’
‘I note you didn’t mention any female company in your reply despite it being the question. Why do you think that is?’
‘Because it’s not relevant. I’m not looking for a wife and the women I date aren’t looking for a husband. We meet up, have a bit of fun and move on.’
‘You said you enjoy spending time at home by yourself. What do you do to amuse yourself? Watch TV, listen to music, build model railways or something else?’
‘I read.’
‘You read?’
‘That’s right, I read. Action thrillers, crime books, classics.’
‘You don’t watch TV?’
‘I don’t own a TV.’
A note goes onto his pad.
‘From what we’ve discussed about Kira, what are your thoughts on her?’
Again his lips purse and brow furrows as he calculates what to say. ‘If she’d been a client of mine, I would have been most concerned about her long-term wellbeing.’
‘Could her family have done anything to stop her pursuing that lifestyle if they’d known about it?’
‘They could have referred her to someone like myself for counselling. Short of holding her captive there isn’t much else they could have done – she was a grown woman making her own decisions. They could have threatened her with calling the police but I’m sure she would be confident enough to call their bluff. Why do you get into so many fights?’
His question throws me for a moment as my thoughts are focused on what he’s saying about Kira.
‘I’m paid to break them up.’ A raised eyebrow invites me to continue. ‘Some of the guys decide they want to fight me when I toss them out or refuse them entry. We fight, they lose. Life goes on.’
‘Your mother worries about the day when you pick a fight with someone you can’t beat.’
‘I don’t pick fights, Doc. I stop them. The last time I started a fight I was still at school.’
He looks at me over his notepad. ‘It’s only a matter of time before you get into a fight you can’t win or go too far.’