The book in hand, she read it for a day without stopping. Here it is! How she was convincing, persistent, just like her recent heroines. And — that church, a quiet song, she had just sang it standing by the window… She did not sleep at nights was tormented by insomnia — let the fatigue be real! No glycerin tears. It should, should have happened! Then for a moment it seemed that she had broken free from the fetters of the imposed image. She is a goddess again! Oh, really? There are no gods without believing in them. The love of the crowd is cruel and selfish, it is quick to worship. And to sentence with oblivion. A sad smile on a pale haggard face… She closed her eyes, not wanting to see. Now this letter will appear. Oh, yes… She remembers a few of his short lines perfectly. As she remembers that endless evening and herself sitting alone in the twilight of the living room. Only one thought was monotonously repeated — that's it… That's it. Phone call. It was him, a Friend.
— I'll be right now, the contract is with me, you will enter the amount yourself. They will regret it.
— No.
— But…
— Come. Without papers. Sit with me…
Silence, black shadows throwing on the walls and ceiling, the crackle of a flame in the fireplace, golden brittle gleams on two crystal glasses. She haven't took a drink of her own.
— Thank you for everything. For all.
— Where are you now, what will you do? May be…
— No. Sorry.
Of course, she was not alone — her parents, sister, daughter … And soon … She squeezed her fingers on the old polished wood of the window sill, how dizzy she is again … Just like when He suddenly offered to leave with him, far away over the ocean. Leave everything. Forever and ever. Here is his face, these funny glasses … He did not know where to put his hands, having lost his European charm. At first, she didn’t even have something to say. Sure, before it happened she guessed and there were rumors about… All the same, it was unexpected and… Near him was warm, calm and joyful. She had never experienced anything like this before, and he felt it, with the eternal flair of a loving and beloved man. His eyes opened, still not fully believing … Yes! And after a short time — pronounced in a ringing voice "'oui", already here, in this small town, in a church nearby.
— But you'll have to always protect me from …
— Whom?
Look in the eyes, smile.
— From spiders, mosquitoes and reporters, dear. Do you agree?
He smiled back and squinted.
— From spiders with mosquitoes — no problem, you yourself do not want to communicate with them. But the reporters… Are you sure you won't go to them yourself? They will call you, time after time. And not only reporters.
Her face hardened, her look became serious, she put her hand on his arm, squeezed her fingers.
— I will not return there. Never.
Not everything was smooth at the beginning. They were very careful. Sometimes even too careful and this often led to suspicions and quarrels. Even to parting. Did she again make a mistake? No. The separation was short. They overcame everything together. They were meant for each other — nothing could separate them. Both went to this a long and difficult path. The birth of a son, home routines, family. She looks greedily, the past life unfolds before her in broad strokes. How much happiness and joy she had, just joy. Traveling, meeting with a few relatives and friends. Sometimes a Friend called from across the ocean, he did not forget her all these years.
— Are you still happy, dear?
— Yes.
— I will try another time.
But another time the answer remained the same. And the next, and again, and more… He backed down and remained just a Friend, to the bitter end.
No, she was not forgotten. Letters came a lot. It is impossible to read and answer to everyone, it was a kind of lottery for two — for her and the lucky one. What is there in the envelope? If it was decorated with a flower, a heart, or something similar, she sent the letter to the basket. She was attracted by simple outlines, firmly and simply written lines of the address and name. Then — reading. And again, everything was decided by the very first words, the handwriting could say a lot, the color of the ink. So she felt… Wishes of happiness, good luck, hopes for her return, questions about family and health. Even requests… There was one letter … She does not remember where it came from and who sent it. Fingers touched hair. They are still long and thick, just now gray… Then she was proud of her hair mane and the fan asked for a curl. Of course, she did not answer. But remembered. And the moment came when this memory was useful. But more about that later, if there is time. How fast it goes … And how much more she want to see, feel again, because… After all, everything passes in front of her for the last time. Then — eternal darkness. She took a deep breath to get enough of it, to feel the coolness and freshness of this magic evening. Who gave her this, who did not want her to leave, slackening helplessly in her bed? No answer. Another breath… How much water has she already drunk? She carefully glanced at the decanter out of the corner of her eye, dreading to see the truth — a little lake on the very bottom. Let be. But she could stand here and watch, hear. To alive again! Not for a long time. Let be. Deep breathing has awakened long-standing chest pain — a trace of the road accident and broken ribs. The pain, however, reminded of something else, something that still sometimes causes a secret forbidden melancholy. How many years have passed? She does not remember exactly.