At times throughout the evening, I felt like a stranger to my own customs. As if I were a ship lost at sea, finally reaching my destination, but not recognizing it as I remembered. I had changed too much, too quickly.
Luke paid the bill, and the girl at the counter told me that Abbie was at the restaurant earlier that night. Shit, Abbie. I had completely forgotten to tell her I was home. I'd text her as soon as I got back to the house.
The headlights reflected from the stone white pavement leading up to the house. I drove slow and parked on the edge of the driveway. Luke opened his hand, and I gave him the keys.
As we walked up the steps to the porch, he followed close behind. Before I could get to the top, he pulled my hand to turn me around. My face was so close to his. His breath felt warm on my cheeks. Gently, he tucked my hair behind my ear and bit his bottom lip.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered.
I led him up the steps and lifted myself onto the railing as he stood in front of me. My breathing increased, and pulse quickened. Luke leaned in and brushed his lips against mine, making sure not to press. We couldn't break the contract, but instead mildly walked the fine line that Finn had created for us. Instinctively, not caring, I trailed my hands up his shirt and lightly brushed my fingers across his stomach muscles. As his mouth found my neck and earlobe, I swallowed.
"I wish I would have met you before you signed that ridiculous contract," he said.
"You wouldn't have given me a chance if I weren't an Elite."
I lifted my chin toward him and looked into his eyes, full of hope, want, and… lust? He lightly trailed up my neck with his lips. With my eyes closed, I wanted nothing more than to be kissed by him, to feel his lips mingling with mine, fully tasting him. With every bit of strength I could muster without losing my balance, I pulled him closer to me and stood. Returning his nibbles and kisses, but making sure to leave our lips apart from one another.
"I want to kiss you so bad right now, it's driving me mad," he said.
"We can't," I said, defeated.
"I know."
I took his hand and led him up the stairs to my old bedroom. Before turning off the light, I unbuttoned each button on the black dress until it slid from my shoulders onto the floor. Dark blue bra and panties—a set that Finn had given to me when I first joined the ranks of The Elite—hugged to my body like a glove. Luke smiled and bit that sexy lip, that juicy delicious lip that I wanted to kiss me all over.
"It's your turn," I said. With his shirt in his index finger and thumb, he did a little twirling motion as if he were giving me my own personal strip tease. I laughed.
"Shh. They might hear us," he said.
Off went his polo, and then his white undershirt—nothing but abs and chest, and tattoos.
"Whoa. Stop right there, mister. You didn't say anything about these. What does that one say?"
A tattoo under his pectoral muscle read:
Don't go around
saying the world
owes you a living.
The world owes
you nothing.
It was here first.
–Mark Twain
He ran his fingers through his thick brown hair and I caught sight of the heart on the back of his arm, and the word "Loyalty" down his side in script, and the two-inch number thirteen set below his belly button on his right abdominal.
He caught me staring, admiring, all of his beautiful tattoos. Luketon Brand wasn't who I thought he was. That man didn't exist.
"Turn off the light, and come to bed. We have an early flight tomorrow. There is a little change of plans."
"We're leaving early?"
"Unfortunately, yes. But we can come back anytime you'd like."
I crawled in bed and rubbed my cold skin against his warmth. I looped my leg over his and trailed my fingers lightly over his stomach. His breaths were ragged and slow, and I knew that with every touch he told himself no. Luke grabbed my hands and interlaced his fingers with mine, and I tucked into his arms. Before I fell asleep, he pulled his arm away and set my head carefully on the pillow. In a whisper, he said, "One day, I will have to tell you what each one means. They are all very special to me."
He kissed my forehead before rolling over. As he turned, the moonlight allowed me to see the feather tattoo on his shoulder that crumbled away into birds.
Sixteen
The next morning, I woke up before the sun rose, stole the keys to the car, and grabbed the flowers from the vase on the table. I couldn't tell Luke I was going to the cemetery, and was surprised he didn't wake when I scooted from bed.
As I placed the car in park, the sun barely peeked over the river. The sky had bits of blue and pink sprinkled around, and wispy clouds that greeted me as if I were the only human alive watching the sun rise.
The grass, still wet with morning dew, crunched under my feet as I walked past the many headstones leading to my parent's graves. I refused to visit before I went to Vegas the first time. I wouldn't leave again without doing so.
The flowers looked nice in the grave vases. I should have been more prepared, but tried to push out the waves of guilt. Their pictures stared back at me from the headstone, both marked with the same death date, both next to one another. They would have wanted it that way, I thought. Neither one being able to go on without the other, they were too in love, even after all those years.
My father would have stolen the moon for my mother and delivered it with a bow if he could have, and vice versa. Love. The word seemed so foreign.
I knelt down in front of the headstones and looked up at the heavens. The clouds continued to move. The sun hung a little higher while the sky faded from pink to light blue. I stared for minutes without blinking, feeling nothing but blankness.
Would a person ever get over death?
Death.
It seemed so unfair to every living thing. But something I would have to accept. Everything died and became a part of the universe, and the stars. Eventually, we would all be dust and nothing that we did in life would matter.
I knelt down and picked at the grass that had barely started to grow. They had only been gone for a blink in time.
"I love you both so much. Every day that you aren't here, I feel like something is missing. I hope. I hope that if you can hear me that you know that I love you. Did you see the house? It's exactly how you always wanted it, down to the wall being removed from the living room to open up the space."
I laughed to swallow down the tears. I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry. Crying was a sign of weakness, and I refused.
"You didn't warn me that it would be this hard. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on, and that I don't want to."
I took in a deep breath, trying not to lose it.
"I want you to be proud of me."
I stood, and dusted off my wet knees and touched the headstones before walking away.
Little, yellow butterflies fluttered in front of me as if it were a sign from my parents telling me they loved me. And if it wasn't, I would take it as if was anyway. On the way back, I stopped at Davis Donuts and picked up a few maple bacon donuts and kolaches. Mr. Davis, the owner, gave me a grin, wished me a safe trip back to Vegas, and refused to take my money. Typical.
I walked up the steps where Luke sat in a rocking chair drinking a cup of coffee.
"Good morning," I said.
"Morning, love," he said, and then glanced down at my wet, grass-stained knees. I handed him the bag, and forced him to eat the best damn bacon donut in Texas before we went upstairs for our bags.