"Don't say a word," he said, breathlessly.
"I've never loved another person since… I don't know how. But I know that loving you would be easy," he said, giving me more of his all-encapsulating kisses.
This is it, I thought. The moment where he would tell me how he truly feels. Where we would speak all of the unspoken words we exchanged with our bodies. I waited for him to tell me everything I wanted to hear.
"But we can't keep doing this, Jennifer."
And as if someone punched me in the throat, he pulled away and shut me off instantaneously. Before I completely lost Finnley, I begged, pulling the hem of his shirt for him to come closer.
"Please," I somehow managed to choke out.
One last time, he grabbed the bottom of my chin, and kissed me so soft, so sweet, so sensually that I almost melted into him completely.
"We can't do this ever again, Jennifer. This has to stop now before we're in too deep. Before we do something that we both regret."
He turned and walked to the door, but stopped before leaving.
"I would never regret any moments I share with you," I said.
Crossing his arms, Finn leaned against the door, taking one last look as if he would never see me this way again.
"Luketon will love seeing you in that."
He leaned over, pressed his lips against my cheek, and then he was gone.
The jingle of the bell rang down the hall, letting the whole building know that he had left. Deflated, completely and utterly empty, I sat on the floor and tried not to let my emotions take over. Eventually, I would break down. But it wouldn't be today.
The realization hit that maybe I was weak after all, weak for Finnley Felton.
Eighteen
I stood and slowly untied the delicate lace.
Like a robot, I slipped on my clothes and marched to the front of the store.
Is this what heartbreak felt like? Is this what the sad songs sung about?
What the hell did I think would happen between us, anyway? I'm nothing more than protocol. Something pretty to look at like a glass ornament or a trinket.
Belinda placed the lingerie in a pretty little box and tied it with a bow; rapport, she had it.
"I'll charge it to the account, honey."
Finn's account.
Funny how he special ordered it just for me, and showed up to tell me that very thing. Just another dose of mind-fuckery and Finnley games before I would wear this to bed for another man. The lingerie was nothing more than a fucked up reminder that Finn owned me, that no matter what, no matter who took my virginity, I would always be his property.
Outside of the storefront, Jesse leisurely sat on a bench and smoked a cigarette. When she saw me, she smudged it on the cement and blew out the rest of the smoke. An Elite wasn't supposed to smoke. Bitch broke her own rules.
"I assume you found what you needed."
"I did, actually."
I tried not to sound like a bitch, but it was a little harder than I thought. My mood and emotions already had too many vicissitudes, and it was barely lunchtime. I wanted a do-over of this day, but that wasn't an option. Next stop, the fucking dress shop, Cynthia's.
Cynthia's always intimidated me. Only upper class women shopped in stores where dresses were tailored to their body shape. We had nothing like this at home.
Jesse, always the businesswoman, leader of the Girls, spoke with the woman in quiet whispers.
"Oh, really? I have just the gown for the occasion."
From the back closet, Sophia, the snobbish dress tailor, pulled a midnight blue, semi-sequined A-lined dress from the closet.
"For twenty-five percent of the cost, I can have it ready by this afternoon at five."
"That works for us."
Sophia guided me toward the dressing room with the gown in tow. The sleeves fell on my shoulders and insinuated my collarbone. Give me a set of big glasses and an up-do, and I would be a replica of Audrey Hepburn.
I walked barefoot into the room and stood upon the pedestal. From the corner of the room, oohs and ahhs echoed from the surrounding women admiring the dress. I tried to ignore them.
"You'll clean up real nice. Just a set of pearls, a pair of nice heels, and you'll be set to attend the party."
"Party?"
"Shit. You weren't supposed to know yet." Jesse glared at Sophia, who didn't and wouldn't apologize for the slip up. Looks like she met her match.
"What party?" I asked.
"That shouldn't be your concern at the moment," Jesse said.
With a tug, Sophia tightened the waist on the dress, straightened the collar where a modest amount of breast showed, and hemmed the skirt to calf-length. The dark blue dress screamed elegant while my mind screamed dirty whore. Images of Finnley tying me to the bed and licking my body in naughty places overtook my mind. I wanted to give him the best fuck of his life until we both lay breathless in each other's arms. Although I was a virgin, I knew what I wanted. My body begged to be touched, and the thought of Finn fucking me made me wet.
"Does that sound okay?" Jesse stared at me.
"What's that?"
"Letting Sophia pick out your shoes."
"It's whatever. Size eight."
I went into the dressing room, lifted the dress over my head, and placed it on the hanger. My panties were wet with thoughts of Finn, but my body was deflated.
With a smirk, I placed two fingers down my panties. My nipples hardened as I touched myself. I removed my bra and panties and took a good look at myself in the mirror. Horny girl. But I need this. With my thumb and index finger, I pinched my nipples and felt small jolts of electricity rush through my body. Was I really going to do this in the most stuck up place in Vegas? Fuck it.
I leaned up against the wall and parted my legs. I wanted the satisfaction of watching myself in the mirror. Being able to see my body, to see the pinkness between my open legs, turned me on. I opened my legs further and rubbed my fingers up and down, teasing myself. I moved two fingers around, just as Finn taught me. My clit hardened, and my breathing increased. The sweet build inside of me began. Oh, it was happening so quickly this time.
Trying to savor the moment, I moved my hands up and down my breasts and even dipped the edge of one finger inside, but only enough to make me quake with want and desire. I closed my eyes and imagined Finn watching me pleasure myself as he stroked his hardness. Finn. I didn't even know I was whispering his name as I touched myself. My body begged for it, pleading for me to give it more. More fantasies of Finn fucking me on the kitchen counter, on the table, in the pool, followed. Finn. And then the rush of emotions overcame me. I moaned as my body exploded with sweet release and I felt the powerful clinch down below. Not wanting the orgasm to end, I slowly continued to touch myself until the sensitivity was too much for me to handle. I sucked in a deep breath and my heartbeat raced. For the rest of the day, this virgin would be useless. But at least the sexual frustration had vanished.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Hurry up." Jesse stood on the other side of the door. I could see her heels from under the crack in the door.
"Getting dressed, be right out."
Jesse stormed away, and I rushed to dress into my clothes. I snatched the hanger with the soon-to-be altered dress and headed toward Sophia. With a look of disapproval, she jerked the dress from my hand. She knew. They all knew. But quite frankly, I didn't give a shit.
She led me to the counter, leaned over, and quietly whispered, "We aren't idiots, you know?"
I leaned over and whispered back, "Maybe if you had an orgasm every once in a while, you all wouldn't be so uptight."