I looked into Luke's eyes. He titled his head and moved close to me. As if Finn wasn't there, our tongues danced while our hands rustled through hair. We even exchanged cute, little nibbles of lips. We couldn't keep our hands off of one another. Oh god, I want him.
"Paris," I whispered.
When I finally managed to pull away, I continued my way past Finnley, who looked even more pissed than before, and walked outside. No hostility, no anger, just slight agitation fueled me. I had the key to Luke's heart, and it was the only thing that kept me calm. I was experiencing the calm before the storm.
V sat in front of the house, her paint dark and luminous. I opened the door, and shut myself inside as I stared forward into the darkness.
When I was a child, I would give everyone the silent treatment when I was mad. My mother said it was my father's stubbornness, but I didn't care. I knew that if I spoke when my anger level was close to a ten, I would say things I regretted. Things that I would never be able to take back, so instead of eating my words later, I swallowed them. Some habits and character traits will never die no matter how much a person changes.
Finn slid into the driver's side and started V with a vengeance.
The engine rumbled, and he burned rubber when we pulled off. Way to be an asshole, I thought.
My mind wandered as we drove down the long country road. I thought of my best friend, and Luke. I thought of my childhood cat and how she used to sleep between my legs when I was a kid. Then my thoughts went darker, and I thought about my parent's funeral and the house that I sold to run away from my anguish.
Finnley spoke to me, but I tuned him out, never really listening to a word he said. The way he barged in while I was in the middle of one of the most intimate moments of my life was unforgivable. But then again, did I have a right to be pissed? I was Finn's, after all.
My thoughts continued to wander on. They swooped into memories I had long forgotten, and they were interwoven with new memories of fancy dinners and designer clothes. High heel shoes and beautiful lingerie, and closets full of every piece of fabric I could imagine. My life had become something that I wasn't. I had become someone I didn't know anymore.
I sucked in deep breaths and exhaled long sighs, hoping the movement of air in my lungs would calm the burning anger.
The stars across the desert seemed to shine like bright diamonds. I could see the silhouettes of cactus line the streets, and watched the dust in our wake as we sped forward. The engine growled and purred, coaxing me calm, pulling me back to reality and away from dangerous thoughts. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the seat.
We pulled into the driveway, and I stared at the house that had become my home. Finn didn't look at me as he opened the door, and slammed it. Confusion coated me. I did nothing. He had no right to be pissed off at me. And with that, my rage went to an unknown level.
He had his woman.
He went on ski trips with Nancy, and fancy dinners, and brought her to business parties, and red carpet affairs.
Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, the name that seemed to show up everywhere.
The woman that all the Girls believed Finn would marry.
Nancy: the blonde bombshell that made Finn the happiest man alive.
What the hell did he want with me?
Everyone had gone for the evening and the house was quiet. Some of the girls took vacations with their Number Ones, and the others took time off to visit their family.
If I could have slept, I would have, but I couldn't. My emotions were reeling, and I had to clear my mind before I landed in a dark place of resentment.
I went to the patio. Winter was quickly approaching, and the grass seemed crispier under my bare feet. The stars above twinkled, but it was different than in Texas. The sky seemed to be darker, bigger, and stretch on for miles in Vegas like the city streets.
The lawn chair, although the fabric was cold beneath my legs, held me like a cocoon. The cold air brushed my skin, and I shivered, but didn't leave. I wanted to burn the images of Luke washing my naked body in my mind forever. I wanted to memorize the look on Finnley's face when Luke hovered above me kissing my neck, being so close to making me his own. Just one long thrust and he would have been completely inside me, and I no longer would be a virgin.
But Luke didn't want to hurt me and was taking his time, only to be fucked in the end.
The memory of his skin, soft to the touch and our closeness made my body beg for more. I leaned my head back and groaned.
When I fully understood I would be selling my virginity, I never thought the act of giving it away could be sweet. I imagined being fucked and deflated, left to deal with myself, and the ugly side of sex. Broken.
But it was nothing like that. The act—if it would have continued—would have been something beautiful that I could have fantasized about as an old woman.
Luke found beauty inside of me when I thought it was lost. Above all, he saw me as I could never see myself. The pictures he painted reflected his feelings. He brought color to my world of darkness, and for that, I would be forever thankful.
My thoughts wandered back to Finn, and the lingerie store, and the way he pinned me against the door and told me I was easy to love. The lust in his eyes and the husk in his voice traveled along my body with his breath.
Finn.
The whole reason why I sat in the back yard of a million-dollar mansion, and why I met Luke in the first place.
Finn.
The man who made me the sex crazed kitten that I was today. The one who taught me about my inner desires that I never knew existed.
Finn.
The man that pissed me off beyond the furthest star in the sky, yes fucking light years' worth.
Until I lost my virginity, the burden of being pure and wholesome would follow me as a stalker in the night. A heavy price tag sat on my shoulders, and locked tightly around my neck almost choking me.
I was Little Red Riding Hood, and the men that desired my virginity were the big, bad wolves, licking their lips as I passed, hoping to catch a whiff of my purity while offering thousands of dollars for just one night to be inside of me. The dark thoughts sickened me, but I relished in them. Being a virgin gave me power, but I was ready to give it away. Willingly.
I closed my eyes tight, then opened them. The cool air stung, causing water to obstruct my vision. I tucked my feet under my body, hoping to warm my frozen toes.
The sound of the water in the hot tub as the waterfall changed different colors kept my attention. The steam rose from the top, and the heat called my name. A heated Jacuzzi… what a luxury.
I wanted to jump in, to let the warmth relax my muscles and mind. And with that thought, I stood and slipped off my clothes.
Modesty barely existed anymore, especially being in a house full of women. Not that anyone was home, but still. Gone was the shy, timid Jennifer, replaced with a person that made me feel like a stranger to myself. Was that even possible?
One toe after another, I dipped and slid into the rumbling water until my body became a void in its depths. I sighed as I allowed the jets to loosen me. Closing my eyes, I had hopes to control my emotions. To reel them in before they ran wild, to think of nothing, and relax.
What was Luke doing at the moment?
Painting another picture of our intimate evening together, or calling Finnley to request a refund?
I tried to tell myself I was just a night of sex, but I knew it was more than that.
The key to his heart.
The words, the meaning, the tattoo he wore on that sexy lower abdominal because of me. I wondered what the other ink represented, and if any others were for women.