"You're not useless. You're injured, there's a difference."
"It could be months or years until I'm back to normal. May have to go to physical therapy too, but I'm returning to work as early as next week. The show must go on."
The door clicked and Luke entered. My body tensed, and Finnley rubbed his thumb over my fingers. I hadn't seen Luke since… I couldn't relive it. I didn't want to remember the horrible things he said to me.
Finnley searched my face but a reaction never came. I'd learned to shut Luke out weeks ago. Luke stood at the doorway, and Finnley patted my leg and sent me away with a head nod. I looked at him.
"Go on. You two need to talk. Don't prolong it."
I laughed at his assertiveness. One quick movement and he wouldn't be so big and bad, but even I knew the discussion between Luke and I needed to happen so we could move on. But I dreaded it. I sighed and slowly slid off the bed. Luke exited, and before I followed, I looked at Finnley, and he smiled. I pursed my lips at him and shook my head. When I closed the door, Luke stood against the wall with his arms crossed. I did the same thing.
His eyes were bruised, and his lip was busted. I couldn't help but stare at how beaten and broken his face looked. He looked like hell.
"So," he said.
"So."
We stood there for minutes, not saying a single word. Abbot hummed Christmas music, and we both turned our heads and stared at him.
"Scrooges," he said before walking down the stairs.
"What's today?" I asked.
"December twenty-third ."
"Christmas is in two days."
I had lost three and a half weeks of my life. Three long, agonizing weeks full of psychological games.
"I did it to save you, Jennifer."
"You could have at least fucking warned me. Shed some light on the plan."
"You were being watched while you were there. It had to seem real to you."
I scoffed. "Do you think I'm an idiot, Luke?"
"There was no truth in what I said and did. Okay, well maybe some of it, but I never meant to hurt you. If she had an inkling of me faking, Jesse would have killed you on principle alone. She knew I cared about you. We were nothing more than pawns in her game, and I played her game for you. I hated every minute of it."
"It wasn't enjoyable for me either."
"Because I did what I had to, you are here with my brother, alive. The way you're supposed to be. I know you won't trust me for a while, but it was for your sake. It killed me every time I had to treat you like trash. It killed me to hear you say the things you did, to have you look at me with so much disgust in your eyes. I had to hit you so hard that I left welts, and I have to live with that. I knew you hated me. But having you hate me, and knowing you were alive, made it all worth it, and I would do it again. I had you and my brother's best interests in mind, and I always will."
"Luke."
"You don't have to forgive me for the things I did and said."
"Luke. I get it. I completely understand. I do. It's just hard to look at you, and it's awkward. You scared me. You were fucking cruel. I know I will get over it, but I need time. You cared enough to be someone that you aren't, I hope."
Luke laughed and opened his arms. I hesitated and then went to him. There was no sexual tension between us, nothing more than two friends. It would take a while for me to forget the things he said and did, but eventually I would. Could I really trust him though? He loved his brother, he loved me, and he wanted us together. The lengths that he went through made that quite obvious.
"What happened to your face?" I asked.
"Finnley beat the shit out of me."
We released our embrace and exchanged a small moment before I walked away.
"Thank you." I grabbed the doorknob and turned to look at him before I returned to Finnley. The last time I said that to him was in London after he told me to go to Finn. I let out a sarcastic laugh, because I had come full circle.
Luke nodded his head and gave me another one of his signature smiles before turning and walking away. One day he would make someone very happy, and he deserved that.
Thirty-eight
Finnley stood at the windows with his hands behind his back, waiting for me, shirtless. The bandages on his left side and on his back looked freshly changed. I hated seeing him like this. To take my mind from it, I searched around the room and noticed the abstract paintings. They were reminiscent of big cities, like New York, Vegas, and London. I didn't pay any attention to them the first time I entered.
"Who painted those?"
Finnley turned around and stared at me. "I did."
"Were you going to tell me you painted? Or spoke French? Or that Forrest Gump is your favorite movie?"
"Luketon. He may regret telling you those things before it's all said and done. Come here."
I went to his good side, and he wrapped his arm around me and held me. He smelled my hair, every bit of me, and I did the same to him. I missed him so much it hurt. Finnley cared about me. I knew he did by his actions alone, but I found myself feeling like I wasn't good enough. What did I have to offer? Why would he risk himself for me? Being underground with the trash of the sex industry really uncovered my ugly insecurities.
"What do I have to offer a man who can have anyone and anything he wants in the world?"
"Why are you thinking that way?" He grabbed the bottom of my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. His hands were so warm, and his touch so soft, that I shuddered.
"Christmas is a few days away. I've got nothing for you."
"Who cares about Christmas? All I've ever asked is for you to give yourself, all of you, to me. And I hate to break it to you Jennifer, but I don't think any amount of money can force you to do something you don't want to do. Ultimately you, just you, that's what I want. You make me happy."
I pulled away from him and searched his face. The words he spoke were exactly what any girl would want to hear from him. I hated to ruin the moment, but that's what I did best. I sighed.
"What?"
"What about Abbie? I never understood that situation."
His eyebrows creased, and he squeezed my shoulder. "What are you hinting at Jennifer?"
"You were going to fuck her. When I was trapped in that room with a dirty fucking shower and mattress, it was one of the things that haunted me. It's a skeleton in the closet that I can't seem to get over. It's those types of things nightmares are created from."
"Nightmares? I think you're exaggerating, Miss Downs. Don't make it into something it's not. Nightmares are being kidnapped, beat to fucking death, and drugged. Not that. You survived nightmares."
"It made me not trust you."
"After everything?" He sarcastically laughed. "You truly want to know? Abbie and I spent time together while you were recovering, and I wanted to know you, the real you that she knew. You interested me, and I was curious. So I approached her. She said you hadn't mentioned liking anyone, or being with anyone. You actually said no one in Vegas had even caught your eye or meant anything to you. She was convincing, and I believed her. She's your best fucking friend, Jennifer, and you didn't even tell her about me. I knew you wouldn't talk about your feelings to any of The Elite, but to your childhood best friend who knew everything about you? If you had mentioned me to anyone, I knew it would have been her. But you didn't."
"I...I..."
"I can get the truth out of any woman. She stressed the point that you were happy being single. I couldn't take happiness away from you."
I swallowed, and he continued.
"What? You don't want the fucking truth? Well it's raw, Jennifer. You wanted it, and you'll get it. I was vulnerable. She filled the void with her presence and said you didn't care about anyone. The only thing she had heard about me was how much of a controlling asshole I was. How much you hated me. How you wished you hadn't signed the contract, and how Finnley Felton was the biggest dickhead you'd ever met. Apparently, I meant absolutely nothing. Those were your words. To hear that come from her mouth made me rethink you. Made me question your intent. Made me feel like a player who had been played. And I wondered why would she lie? A part of me told me that she didn't. That you had really said those things, and it fucking hurt. I needed to know that I didn't need you. If you hated me that badly... I wanted to truly give you a reason to hate me. I spent days dwelling over it, and I became numb. No woman had ever made me feel that way. But when I saw your face. When I saw the look on your face and the reaction you had when you walked in and stopped one of the biggest mistakes in my life, I knew it was a lie. I knew that you cared. You had feelings for me and I was a fuck-up for thinking otherwise."