But this . . . If the techs had been civilians, Metzov would clearly be in the wrong. If this had been in wartime, while being harried by some enemy, Metzov might be within his rights, even duty. This was somewhere between. Soldiers disobeying, but passively. Not an enemy in sight. Not even a physical situation threatening, necessarily, lives on the base (except theirs), though when the wind shifted that could change. I’m not ready for this, not yet, not so soon. What was right?
My career . . . Claustrophobic panic rose in Miles’s chest, making him feel like a man with his head caught in a drain. The nerve disrupter wavered just slightly in his hand. Over the parabolic reflector he could see Bonn standing dumbly, too congealed now even to argue anymore. Ears were turning white out there, and fingers and feet. One man crumpled into a shuddering ball, but made no move to surrender. Was there any softening of doubt yet, in Metzov’s rigid neck?
For a lunatic moment Miles envisioned thumbing off the safety and shooting Metzov. And then what, shoot the grubs? He couldn’t possibly get them all before they got him.
I could be the only soldier here under thirty who’s ever killed an enemy before, in battle or out of it. The grubs might fire out of ignorance, or sheer curiosity. They didn’t know enough not to. What we do in the next half hour will replay in our heads for as long as we breathe.
He could try doing nothing. Only follow orders. How much trouble could he get into, only following orders? Every commander he’d ever had agreed, he needed to follow orders better. Think you’ll enjoy your ship duty, then, Ensign Vorkosigan, you and your pack of frozen ghosts? At least you’d never be lonely. . . .
Miles, still holding up the nerve disruptor, faded backward, out of the grubs’ line-of-sight, out of the corner of Metzov’s eye. Tears stung and blurred his vision. From the cold, no doubt.
He sat on the ground. Pulled off his gloves and boots. Let his parka fall, and his shirts. Trousers and thermal underwear atop the pile, and the nerve disruptor nested carefully on them. He stepped forward. His leg braces felt like icicles against his calves.
I hate passive resistance. I really, really hate it.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Ensign?” Metzov snarled as Miles limped past him.
“Breaking this up, sir,” Miles replied steadily. Even now some of the shivering techs flinched away from him, as if his deformities might be contagious. Pattas didn’t draw away, though. Nor Bonn.
“Bonn tried that bluff. He’s now regretting it. It won’t work for you either, Vorkosigan.” Metzov’s voice shook, too, though not from the cold.
You should have said “Ensign.” What’s in a name? Miles could see the ripple of dismay run through the grubs, that time. No, this hadn’t worked for Bonn. Miles might be the only man here for whom this sort of individual intervention could work. Depending on how far gone Mad Metzov was by now.
Miles spoke now for both Metzov’s benefit and the grubs’. “It’s possible—barely—that Service Security wouldn’t investigate the deaths of Lieutenant Bonn and his men, if you diddled the record, claimed some accident. I guarantee Imperial Security will investigate mine.”
Metzov grinned strangely. “Suppose no witnesses survive to complain?”
Metzov’s sergeant looked as rigid as his master. Miles thought of Ahn, drunken Ahn, silent Ahn. What had Aim seen, once long ago, when crazy things were happening on Komarr? What kind of surviving witness had he been? A guilty one, perhaps? “S-s-sorry, sir, but I see at least ten witnesses, behind those nerve disrupters.” Silver parabolas—they looked enormous, like serving dishes, from this new angle. The change in point of view was amazingly clarifying. No ambiguities now.
Miles continued, “Or do you propose to execute your firing squad and then shoot yourself? Imperial Security will fast-penta everyone in sight. You can’t silence me. Living or dead, through my mouth or yours—or theirs—I will testify.” Shivers racked Miles’s body. Astonishing, the effect of just that little bit of east wind, at this temperature. He fought to keep the shakes out of his voice, lest cold be mistaken for fear.
“Small consolation, if you—ah—permit yourself to freeze, I’d say, Ensign.” Metzov’s heavy sarcasm grated on Miles’s nerves. The man still thought he was winning. Insane.
Miles’s bare feet felt strangely warm now. His eyelashes were crunchy with ice. He was catching up fast to the others, in terms of freezing to death, no doubt because of his smaller mass. His body was turning a blotchy purple-blue.
The snow-blanketed base was so silent. He could almost hear the individual snow grains skitter across the sheet ice. He could hear the vibrating bones of each man around him, pick out the hollow frightened breathing of the grubs. Time stretched.
He could threaten Metzov, break up his complacency with dark hints about Komarr, the truth will out. . . . He could call on his father’s rank and position. He could . . . dammit, Metzov must realize he was overextended, no matter how mad he was. His discipline parade bluff hadn’t worked and now he was stuck with it, stonily defending his authority unto death. He can be a funny kind of dangerous, if you really threaten him. . . . It was hard, to see through the sadism to the underlying fear. But it had to be there, underneath. . . . Pushing wasn’t working. Metzov was practically petrified with resistance. What about pulling . . . ?
“But consider, sir,” Miles’s words stuttered out persuasively, “the advantages to yourself of stopping now. You now have clear evidence of a mutinous, er, conspiracy. You can arrest us all, throw us in the stockade. It’s a better revenge, ’cause you get it all and lose nothing. I lose my career, get a dishonorable discharge or maybe prison—do you think I wouldn’t rather die? Service Security punishes the rest of us for you. You get it all.”
Miles’s words had hooked him; Miles could see it, in the red glow fading from the narrowed eyes, in the slight bending of that stiff, stiff neck. Miles had only to let the line out, refrain from jerking on it and renewing Metzov’s fighting frenzy, wait. . . .
Metzov stepped nearer, bulking in the half-light, haloed by his freezing breath. His voice dropped, pitched to Miles’s ear alone. “A typical soft Vorkosigan answer. Your father was soft on Komarran scum. Cost us lives. A court-martial for the Admiral’s little boy—that might bring down that holier-than-thou buggerer, eh?”
Miles swallowed icy spit. Those who do not know their history, his thought careened, are doomed to keep stepping in it. Alas, so were those who did, it seemed. “Thermo the damned fetaine spill,” he whispered hoarsely, “and see.”
“You’re all under arrest,” Metzov bellowed out suddenly, his shoulders hunching. “Get dressed.”
The others looked stunned with relief, then. After a last uncertain glance at the nerve disrupters they dove for their clothes, donning them with frantic, cold-clumsy hands. But Miles had seen it complete in Metzov’s eyes sixty seconds earlier. It reminded him of that definition of his father’s. A weapon is a device for making your enemy change his mind. The mind was the first and final battleground; the stuff in between was just noise.
Lieutenant Yaski had taken the opportunity afforded by Miles’s attention-arresting nude arrival on center stage to quietly disappear into the admin building and make several frantic calls. As a result the trainees’ commander, the base surgeon, and Metzov’s second-in-command arrived, primed to persuade or perhaps sedate and confine Metzov. But by that time Miles, Bonn, and the techs were already dressed and being marched, stumbling, toward the stockade bunker under the Argus-eyes of the nerve disrupters.