I need clothes.
I take a shallow breath, anger and self-pity combining into a potent rage. Fucking Federation. I cannot believe they set me and my crew up to be sold off as breeders for the Suevans.
And I am not about to let this nasty smelling alien beastie take a chunk out of me before I figure out how to make them pay for it while still getting the tech Earth needs.
It takes another step across my chest. A clawed paw steps on my breast, the tongue nearly touching my chin now. Eight eyes stare up at me, and the thing butts its head against me, so cat-like that my eyebrows raise.
If it weren’t for its super gross breath, it would almost be cute.
Is it wondering what I taste like? About what I’m doing in its gargantuan hollow tree?
I don’t fucking know, but I do know that I don’t want to piss it off.
After what feels like an hour-long stare down, the thing creeps off my stomach, turning to curl up next to my arm. Okay. I sag, my head going limp against the ground.
Maybe it’s cold and wants body heat. Sure. Cold in the jungle, which is already swelteringly hot. I sit up carefully, disentangling my arm from the creature. Now that it’s not sitting in my face, it’s not so bad. Short fur covers its narrow body, too small for its overlarge head, dotted with eyes. They blink at once, and the thing lets out a soft sigh, forked tongue flicking as they all close.
Something cracks outside. It must be Draz, back from whatever he was doing.
My stomach growls, and I’m about to call out to him, asking where he’s been. I stop myself just in time.
The hand that reaches into the tree is not green.
It’s not my alien. It’s not Draz.
And when the head belonging to that hand appears, a thrill of horror shoots down my spine. A long, bony snout joins to a massive head. Iridescent blue feathers shimmer in the morning sun, and the alien creature opens its maw, emitting a strange rattle followed by an ear-piercing howl.
I scramble to stand and press myself against the back wall of the tree. The small creature with fetid breath must also sense imminent danger, because it clambers up my calf and side, finally curling up on my shoulder, where it shakes in fear.
The feathered freak of alien nature rattles and howls again, its jaws snapping. Claws rip into the opening of the tree, bark spraying all over me as it snaps and rattles.
It’s going to get in. I have no weapons. I’m going to get eviscerated in my underwear and bra on an alien planet my government sold me to as a bride.
I should know better, but maybe all the drama of the last twelve hours or so has gotten to me, because I lose my head completely and scream.
Weapon. I need a weapon. How many times have I taught new trainees that anything can be a weapon in a crunch?
The beast rattles at me again, claws pulling more bark off.
This is definitely a crunch.
One of the snails next to me pulses bright blue, and I pluck the thing off in a fit of terror or inspiration or, most likely, both. It squelches loudly, the size of my hand, and I chunk it at the feathered thing. It plops off wetly.
Awesome. I’ve only succeeded in infuriating it. The little creature on my shoulder digs its claws into me, hanging on for dear life as the bird/lizard hybrid continues to shred the opening, trying to make it big enough to fit through.
I tug another snail off the wall, this one heavier than the last. It comes free with a squelch. Blue oozes from its gelatinous foot, and I wrinkle my nose. The furry creature chitters at me, pulling my ear and pointing from the snail to the feathered fiend trying to eat us.
“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” I tell it. I’m not going to dwell on the fact I’m talking to an eight-eyed furred thing like it can understand me, but whatever.
The bird-beast opens its mouth again, and I throw the damn snail as hard as I can. Its beak crunches on the snail, catching it in midair, and blue goop explodes from it, spattering my skin.
The creature screams, even more enraged. A moment later, I figure out why.
Oh no.
Holy shit.
My skin’s burning, turning red where the snail goop splattered across me.
“Oh no,” I tell the thing on my shoulder. “This isn’t good.”
It’s tongue flickers out, and it bobs its freakishly large head in agreement. But the bird creature rakes its talons in anger against the tree once more, then makes a high, keening sound that leaves my ears ringing.
Finally, its head falls forward, and it slumps to the ground.
I grab my still sodden clothes from last night, scrubbing off the blue goop from my stomach and thighs. It burns. I hiss out a breath, trying to get it all off, but the damage is done. Whatever was in the snails is like acid, and blisters are forming already on my skin.
“Ni-Kee!” a voice bellows. Draz. His worried face peers into the crack in the tree, and I throw my wet clothes at him.
“I can’t believe you made me sleep in a tree full of acid snails!” Bright lights swim across my vision, and little stars dance in Draz’s eyes. He’s pretty—for an alien. Big and huge and muscled and his face is scaly, but ooh it is pretty. Even a human man would be lucky to have his strong jaw and full lips, his thick cheekbones and long, black hair.
I shake my head, trying to clear it.
“I had to kill that big bird thing with a snail, and it got all over me, and it hurts! It hurts, Draz. Why would you have us sleep with killer snails?”
“Because it was safe, woman,” he says, glaring at me. “Safe until you used one of our sacred snails as a weapon!” He kicks the beast’s body out of the crevice, pulling up short as he takes in the creature now wound around my shoulders, still chittering at me.
“How was I supposed to know it was sacred?” I’m yelling now, adrenaline still pounding through my body, along with a strange, heady sensation that’s leaving me slightly dizzy, like I’ve drunk too much cheap wine. “That thing attacked us, and I killed it. Where were you, anyway? You abandoned me in the middle of the jungle, and I almost got eaten by Big Bird’s demonic twin. You abandoned me,” I repeat, startled to feel tears sliding down my cheeks.
Why am I crying?
Suddenly, a huge laugh hiccups out of me, and then another. And another. Honestly, this situation is hilarious.
“I can’t believe the Federation sold me out to a sexy alien so you could make babies with me.” I laugh so hard more tears come out, streaming from my eyes. “And then you tell me you’re going to take care of me, and the moment I’m asleep, you leave me alone, and I almost die.” I clutch at his wrist, snorting with laughter now. “I mean, come on. It’s too good.”
“It should not be affecting you this strongly.” He shakes his head. “I do not know what it will do to your delicate human system.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, still laughing. The words slur, but whatever. Who cares? He has a translator, and he will just have to figure it out.
“I can understand you fine,” he says carefully, narrowing his eyes at me. “Does your skin hurt where the liquid touched?”
He reaches out for me, tracing the pad of one finger along my skin.
I shiver. “No, no, it feels good,” I tell him. “It feels so good.”
Draz pulls his hand away as though he’s been scorched.
“Don’t stop,” I tell him, near panting. The creature on my shoulders wraps its little furry and clawed hands around my neck, giving me a shake.
“I leave you alone for one minute,” he says, “and you manage to contaminate yourself and bond with a zoleh. You are something else, my mate.”
“Yeah I am.” I jut out a hip, reaching for him. “I am a human.” I double over, laughing hysterically. “And you are a big, strong alien, with a big, strong cock.” I stand up, batting my eyelashes and running a finger down his ridiculously muscled torso.