“You hold my whole heart in your hands,” Draz says simply, and his eyes are full of a wounded longing that cuts right through my core. “I have always longed for a mate, but I never knew that I would have one as perfect as you.”
“Draz,” I say, sinking to my knees next to him. My hand twitches in my lap. I want to touch him, but I don’t. “You have to understand. All of this is new to me, and while that’s not a bad thing, I need time. I never expected to be married, hell, I never thought I wanted to get married.”
He keeps working at the fish, his face stony. The only indication he’s listening is his tail, twitching behind him furiously.
I swallow hard and continue. “I’m still coming to grips with the fact that the people I entrusted my career and life to sold me out.”
“I would not have you if you are not willing, Ni-Kee.”
An irritated groan slips out of me. “Can you just let me finish?”
His gaze slides to me, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “So fierce.”
“I was willing last night, Draz. What we did…” I pause, heat rolling through me in a heady wave of desire. “Last night was incredible. Truly. I loved it. I love what we have.” My voice is earnest, the words rushing out of me before I can think them through, my carefully practiced speech tossed out the window, my emotions to strong now. “I think I could love you Draz, really. But it’s only been a few days. And I’m not ready for babies.” A little sob chokes out of me.
Draz stops, his hands still, his entire focus on me.
I push on, trying to get everything out. “I know that’s what you need us for, me and my crew. For babies and for your species. And I mean, I get it. I get that. But I am not ready to be a mom. If you only want me because you want children, then I’m not the woman for you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I had my whole life ahead of me. I had a career. Now I’m just supposed to pop out babies?” I shake my head. “I need time. I want you. But not if you only want me for that.”
He stands up, not even looking at me, and grabs the fish, skewering it with an expert motion and placing it over the fire. Without another word, he heads for the pool, splashing into it.
I rock back on my heels, hanging my head. So that is all I am to him. A vessel for more children. I place my hand against the curve of my stomach, wondering what it would be like to be pregnant, and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt I am not ready for it. I barely know Draz.
The sound of splashing water rushes over me. He’s so irritated he must have randomly decided to go for a swim to get away from me.
I close my eyes. It hurts. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much.
But I know who I am, and what I want, and I’m more than a vessel, more than my potential to make babies. Shouldn’t that matter?
It does to me.
If Draz can’t understand that, then this isn’t going to work. No matter how much it hurts, I won’t ever be happy with someone who wants that of me, who demands that of me.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I focus on my lungs filling, flooding my system with air, trying to calm myself down. I said what I needed to say. I spoke my truth, like he asked.
If he has a problem with that truth, then that’s on him. It is what it is.
“My Ni-Kee,” Draz says, kneeling next to me.
I turn to stare up at him, my hands folded in my lap.
His expression is full of love, of affection and warmth, but it fades to something like irritation as he looks away, and my heart fractures.
“You are right. I do want children. I want a family, and to ensure the survival of my species. That is my duty and my desire both.”
My knuckles whiten in my lap. I’m not surprised, but disappointment wracks me.
“But, Ni-Kee, I meant what I said.” His clean hands cup my chin and he tugs me close to him, so that I’m in his lap, pressed up against the solid wall of his chest. “You have my heart. If you are not ready for children, then of course we will wait. And if you decide you are never ready for them, I will treasure the ability to greedily take all of your time to myself. You are bold, and brave, and beautiful, and I would be a fool to throw that away.”
His big hands slide to the nape of my neck, and I bite my lower lip, truly shocked now.
“Last night… I thought you were rejecting me, my heart. I did not think that it was the idea of children you reacted to, which was short-sighted of me, yes? But you want me, my mate? You accept our bond, our marriage?”
His voice is so full of hope, full of love, that I sniffle, on the verge of tears.
“No, do not make the eye water again.” Distressed, he pokes at my eye with a careful finger. “Is this a sign of sadness or happiness?”
“Happiness.” I laugh, and then his mouth closes over mine, cutting off the sound.
He smooths his hands down my back, tugging up my Federation issue tank. His scales rasp against my skin, and I shiver at the sensation. When his talons skate across my spine, I arch into him, and he murmurs my name against my neck, his tongue exploring the smooth column of my neck.
“I like when you are happy,” he says, his hands pulling at the bottom of my sports bra. I pull it over my head, and as I stretch my arms up, his mouth locks over one nipple, sucking hard.
I gasp, rocking into him, instantly wet.
“I like that sound, my Ni-Kee.” He traces a talon gently over a nipple, then the other. “And I love these. I love these very much.”
“Draz,” I moan, already way too turned on.
“Take off your pants,” he says, his tone brooking no argument, exciting me even more. I don’t want to think too hard about how I like when he’s bossy with me, how I like it when he tells me what to do.
I stand up, my hands working at the fastener, then let them drop in a pool at my feet.
He groans, eyes raking over my now naked body.
“I like this hair here,” he says, combing through the short hair between my legs with those dangerous and skilled talons. “Spread your legs for me, mate,” he all but growls, and I comply with a shudder.
“Not so stubborn now, are you?” He grins up at me, and I raise my chin imperiously. “I can scent your delicious arousal. I want to coat my tongue in it.”
My breath comes in short bursts, and yet, he doesn’t move, his gaze sliding over my bared body possessively.
“What are you waiting for?” I finally ask him.
“For you to tell me what you want.” His diamond-pupils expand, and I know he’s just as excited by the tension between us as I am.
“I want you to stand up,” I tell him. He cocks an eyebrow, then smooths a hand over his dark hair, complying.
“Take off your pants,” I command, loving the way his stomach flexes as he moves. When he pulls his pants down, my attention goes straight to the hard length of him, and I shudder at the memory of how incredible it felt inside me. How incredible he felt, all over me.
“Does it please you?” he asks, and his cock jerks as I take it in my hand.
“Let me show you how much.” His head falls back as I lick the head of his cock, his low moan the only encouragement I need to take him deeper. It’s too big to take the whole way in my throat, but I ease into it, enjoying the way his hand spasms on my head.
I’m going to rock his world.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
DRAZ