“Did he call? Did he want to see you?”
For the first time, he saw uncertainty. Then her eyes grew hooded. “Yes, he called—about a week after. He wanted to know why I wouldn’t let them evacuate me to Starfleet Medical.”
“It’s a good question. Did you tell him why?”
She seemed to find something fascinating at the tips of her boots. “We didn’t speak. There was nothing to say.”
“Nothing to say? Darya, I thought you said that you and Devlin…”
Bat-Levi threw him a sharp, defiant look. “That was before.”
“But how did the accident change anything? I would’ve thought you’d need… wantDevlin more than ever. He called, so he was willing.”
Tyvan saw that Bat-Levi’s index finger had stolen to the cuticle of her right thumb. He watched as her nail tore at the skin. “I didn’t need his help.”
“Why not?”
She shook her head with a short, irritable gesture. A bubble of red blood welled up along her right thumbnail, but if it hurt, she gave no indication. “Because I didn’t want him to see me like this. Why would any man want,” she held up her artificial hand, “this?”
“You don’t seem to have had a lot of faith in Devlin.”
Bat-Levi exhaled something like a laugh. “It doesn’t take faith to know what’s repulsive.”
“Sure. Appearance is the first thing by which anyone is judged. But you’d think that a man who’d met all kinds of aliens—and some of them pretty ugly by human standards—would look a little deeper into the woman he loved.”
“Well, I didn’t bother to find out.”
“I guess I’m interested in that.”
“And I guess I’m not. Look at me, Doctor. What man would want this, what man could love someone who looks like this?”
“I don’t know, Darya,” said Tyvan gently. “I don’t know why you never bothered to find out. Then again, I don’t know why you wanted to hurt Devlin Connolly either.”
“Hurthim…”
“But that happens. We all lash out at the people we care about, and you’re furious with yourself, sure. And you’re furious with Joshua for going ahead with something you knew he shouldn’t have. Except you can’t get at him. You can’t tell Joshua how angry you are, how much he’s made everyone suffer. So you turn that anger on yourself, and you throw love back into the faces of people who care about you.”
“Care about me,” Bat-Levi bristled. There was blood all over her thumbnail now. “Careabout me? There’s no one who cares about me.I’m a cog in a machine. No, no, I’m a machinewithin a machine. I do my job; I’m alive because everyone says I ought to be grateful tobe. But they don’t know what it’s like.”
“Yes, you’ve made sure of that. I’ll bet it takes a lot of energy, keeping that armor in place.”
Then, just as Bat-Levi opened her mouth to reply, Tyvan’s office door chimed. Tyvan felt a quick flash of irritation. Whywas someone bothering him? He was with a patient;he shouldn’t be interrupted. Then he glanced at his chronometer and knew exactly why. Halak’s inquiry had convened twenty minutes ago.
Bat-Levi was already pushing her way to her feet, the servos in her knees squealing a protest. “I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. I’m gone. I came a day early, we talked about some things, and now I’m gone. There’s no regulation that says I have to sit here and let you goad me.”
The chime sounded again. “Doctor?” A man’s voice, followed by a knock. “Dr. Tyvan?”
“Just a moment,” Tyvan called, exasperated. Never rains but it pours.“Darya, I think that it’s valuable for us to look at the wayyou’re thinking and…”
“No.” Bat-Levi cut him off. “No. I don’tthink it’s valuable. I stayed here way too long. I don’t know why I listen to you, but I’m not interested in finding out why. I don’t have a choice about seeing you. My orders are to report. Well, I reported—a day early, but I did it, and that’s session number four, Doc. One more, and then you get to write your precious report. But for now,” she made an offhand gesture to the door, “it sounds like you don’t have a choice either.”
Before he could say anything more, she wheeled about, with an alacrity that surprised him. The door hissed to one side and Bat-Levi barreled through.
“Whoa!” said Ensign Richard Castillo, jumping to one side. He put his hands up, palms out “Sorry, Ma’am. I…”
“It’s fine, Ensign,” said Bat-Levi. She pushed past, heading down the corridor. “I was just leaving.”
“Sure,” said Castillo, to her rapidly retreating back. “Ma’am.”
Bat-Levi didn’t reply. Tyvan heard the thud of her prosthetic legs fade as she rounded the bend of the corridor, and disappeared.
Castillo turned his puzzled gaze to Tyvan. “Sorry, sir. Honestly, I didn’t know. But you didn’t answer your hails, and Captain Garrett called the bridge and she’s pretty steamed…”
“It’s fine, Ensign,” said Tyvan, echoing Bat-Levi, but more kindly. “Please let the captain know I’m on my way.”
“Well,” said Castillo, looking apologetic, “that’s just it. My orders are to escort you down, sir. Ah, see, the captain…”
“I understand,” said Tyvan. “So, the captain’s hot?”
“Uh.” Castillo looked startled, and, too late, Tyvan considered that “hot” might have different connotations to a young man. “Well, yessir, you could say that.” A quick smile that flitted on and off, like a light. Castillo had unusually blue eyes set off beneath a full head of light brown curls. If not for an angular jaw, he would have looked almost cherubic.
“Scorching?” asked Tyvan, annoyed that Garrett thought he needed a babysitter. On the other hand, he hadn’t given her much choice. She’d probably give him a good dressing-down in private. “Or just steamed?”
“Think supernova,” said Castillo. He hesitated, and Tyvan saw a twinkle of mischief in the ensign’s face. “I think Lieutenant Bulast said the channel melted. Sir.”
“Well, that sounds unpleasant.”
“Judging by Lieutenant Bulast’s face, I think so.” Castillo seemed to want to say something more.
“Yes, Ensign? Something else on your mind?”
“Yes, sir.” Castillo squared his shoulders. “Two things, actually.”
Tyvan folded his arms. “Fire away. We psychiatrists don’t bite, and if Captain Garrett’s thatangry, a minute more won’t make any difference.”
“Well, uh, I don’t know you very well, sir, you just having come aboard and all and…”
“You have a point, Ensign?”
Castillo straightened a bit, as if Tyvan had chastised him for slouching. “Yessir. Look, you’re not an Academy grad. I understand that, and I’ve heard that, uh, having people…doctors who are civilians come in, well, I know that civilians do things differently. I know that, you know, medicine isn’t the military.”
“It’s clear you haven’t spent much time with surgeons,” said Tyvan, with a wry smile. “Or some hardcore nurses. You object to my being late, Ensign?”
“No, sir. That’s for you and the captain to square. It’s just that, you know, the captain, she’s steamed. But, becauseof you, Lieutenant Bulast’s gotten an earful, and that’s not right.”
Now thiswas a surprise. Not as eager to please as he looks, taking on a superior officer like that.“You’ve got a good point. Tell you what: I’ll talk to Captain Garrett, let her know it was my fault, all right?” Just as soon as she’s done chewing me out.
Castillo’s head moved in a short nod. “Thank you, sir. I was kind of hoping you might do that. Lieutenant Bulast…well, he’s feeling kind of low anyway.”
“Why is that?”
The young ensign moved his shoulders in a negligent shrug. “Could be because of Lieutenant Batra.”
Tyvan’s eyebrows arched. “They were that close?”