Ryan Mecum
Werewolf HAIKU
Copyright © 2010 by Ryan Mecum.
This journal belongs to
Dear haiku journaclass="underline"
This could be my last entry
if I have rabies.
A stray dog bit me
while I delivered the mail.
Should have used the mace.
“He was a mailman
and a struggling poet
who died by dog bite.”
The dog seemed homeless.
It looked like a rabid wolf,
hungry for mailmen.
I kicked and he ran -
but not before he bit off
a big chunk of calf.
I finished the route,
hobbling to each mailbox,
and thinking of Rose.
Rose is my lady,
but she might not know it yet
since we’ve yet to speak.
I’m introverted
and I would guess she is, too,
judging by her mail.
We differ in ways.
She subscribes to Cat Fancy.
I get Dog Fancy.
I limp through her yard
and as I fill her mailbox,
she opens her door.
With her lovely smile,
Rose greets me with a hello.
I nod back and leave.
I’ve always been shy,
which is why I don’t respond
and why I’m alone.
I like to pretend
I will ask Rose out someday,
since I won’t for real.
MY STALKER LOVE SONG MIX!
1. Blondie – One Way or Another
2. The Police – Can’t Stand Losing You
3. Cheap Trick – I Want You To Want Me
4. U2 – I Will Follow
5. Backstreet Boys – As Long As You Love Me
6. David Seville – Witch Doctor
7. Screaming Jay Hawkings – I Put a Spell on You
8. The Stranglers – In the Shadows
9. Darren Hayes – Creepin’ Up on You
10. Diana Ross – I’m Gonna Make You Love Me
11. Duran Duran – Hungry Like the Wolf
12. Sarah McLachlan – Possession
13. Fleet wood Mac – Say You Love Me
14. Death Cab For Cutie – I Will Possess Your Heart
15. The Police – Every Breath You Take
16. Morrissey – The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get
17. Meatloaf – I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)
18. Michael Bolton – How Am I Supposed to Live Without You
19. Billy Ocean – Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car
20. Bryan Adams – (Ever ything I Do) I Do It For You
21. Elvis Costello – I Want You
When I get back home,
I play my love mix CD,
write haiku and cry.
What a rotten day!
I dodge the girl of my dreams
and I’m still bleeding.
Lupé my Shih Tzu
sniffs at my gouged-out calf wound
and whimpers away.
The cut oozes pus
and my whole sock is dark red
from blood draining down.
All around the wound
are many long strands of hair…
which are not from me.
Rubbing alcohol
burns as I clean out the cut,
visibly throbbing.
I’ll wrap my dog bite,
fall asleep on the front couch,
and dream about Rose.
That’s it for now, friend.
I’ll write in you tomorrow,
dear haiku journal.
Dear haiku journal,
I think I killed some people.
That was no dog bite.
What happened last night?
My selective memory
is a bit hazy.
It wasn’t a dream,
due to my lack of clothing,
and I’m really full.
I woke up naked,
sprawled in a stranger’s front yard.
Rough start to a day.
You hate alarm clocks?
Try automatic sprinklers
with you in grass, nude.
“Looks like you woke up
on the wrong side of the bed”
should now be retired.
From now on, I’ll say,
“Looks like somebody woke up
outside, nude and wet.”
My mind starts to fill
with memories of chaos
and eating neighbors.
The woman next door
with that huge mole on her neck -
I think I ate it.
It’s an odd feeling
when realization hits -
that now I murder.
Sprinting to my house,
while covering my privates,
through suburbia.
Kids at their bus stop
are not sure how to react
as I run past them.
“Bus driver, guess what?
We just saw some naked dude,
covered all in blood!”
I’m not wearing pants,
which means no front pants pockets,
which means no house keys.
Banging on my door,
knowing only I live there,
hoping I answer.
The “Three Pigs” story -
a wolf screaming, “Let me in!”
seems applicable.
I check the back door,
which I recall kicking down
when I left last night.
I run in my house
and go straight to a mirror
to see who I am.
I stare back at me,
but I remember the face
that stared back last night.
I transformed last night
from my normal timid self
to the beast within.
It was a werewolf.
A monster – somehow, still me.
I am a werewolf.
Painful cramps woke me
and I rolled down off the couch
when I turned last night.
I knew things were bad
when I could feel skin ripping -
and could kick down doors.
Out in the backyard,
I felt my whole body break
under the full moon.
Mailman to werewolf.
Takes the phrase “going postal”
to a new level.
Unfortunately,
“Man to wolfman” movie scenes…
painfully dead-on.
Wolf transformation
is as rough as you might guess
but also itchy.
I’ll try describe
werewolf metamorphosis
without throwing up.
Changing first tickles,
followed by increased pressure,
and then you puke blood.
Your muscles and bones
both rapidly stretch and grow,
but your skin doesn’t.
Your skin everywhere -
and yes, I mean everywhere -
is stretched ’til it bursts
Underneath your flesh,
new growing muscles peek out
and start to sprout hair.
It’s around this time,
you realize that your clothes
won’t get worn again.
Both your eardrums pop,
then quickly grow back stronger
as your ears sprout up.
All your fingernails
are pushed off of your fingers
by claws underneath.
Your large soda gut
goes from a few two-liters
to hairy six-pack.
Your nose, mouth and chin
tear open as a wolf snout
pushes through your face.
Teeth fall to the floor
as new canine incisors
cut your old ones out.
It feels like fingers
pushing on both your eyeballs
from inside your skull.
Your eyes don’t fall out
but you kind of wish they would
once they start growing.
Your pinky fingers,
as your hands become wolf paws,
shrivel and fall off.
Toenails start to split
as claws pierce out of your toes
and rip through your shoes.
That pain in your butt
that feels like constipation
is a tail growing.
smell here
Your new fur is damp
from random moist secretions
and smells like wet dog.
There’s throbbing, tearing,
tight nauseating cramping,
and piles of dead skin.
