I’m about two days into this “let’s think about things” break/break-up when I start to wonder if it was all some kind of bullshit drama that people in love do just to keep each other on their toes.
I can’t sleep and I can barely eat, but hot damn, I sure as hell am holding onto my pride like a big man, waiting for my little woman to come to her senses. It’s all starting to feel surreal and ridiculous. I start questioning everything . . . like maybe I’m okay not having a bunch of kids and instead settling for a semi-girlfriend who loves sex as much as I do.
But then I see one of those commercials where the goofy dad is trying to change the baby’s diaper while the mother is trying to wrangle the other kids into the bath, and the dog is barking . . . that family chaos thing that commercials make look better than it ever is in real life.
In the final shot the family is all cuddled together on their couch appearing content, and he and his wife give each other this look. It feels intimate and full of the kind of love I imagine I’d feel with my wife, the mother of my children.
I know my logic of an insurance company commercial affecting my life choices may be misguided but I can’t help it. That final image of the dad surrounded by his children and adoring wife reminds me I’m never going to stop wanting that kind of life.
Wednesday I call my parent’s place to tell them I won’t be over Thursday night. Ma picks up.
“Why aren’t coming for dinner, Paulie? I was going to try Elle’s lasagna recipe you went on about. I was hoping you’d bring her.”
“Well Elle’s kind of the reason.”
“What do you mean? What’s wrong?”
This is harder than I thought. I swallow back my frustration. “It’s just that I’m not seeing Elle for a while.”
“Why in the world not? You two are such close friends. You know how much we love her.”
I feel awkward. There’s no easy way to break this to Ma.
“Yeah, about that close friends thing . . . Remember that we were going to her friend’s wedding?”
“Yes.”
“Well it was one of those nights, and one thing led to another . . .”
“Oh my. Frankly I’m not surprised. So how does a couple go from that to not seeing each other anymore?”
“I don’t know, Ma. I’m still kind of baffled myself over it.”
“You were attentive, yes? You better say yes, or I’ll smack you.”
“Of course I was. It wasn’t being intimate—it all went to hell when I told her I was in love with her.”
“What do you mean? That doesn’t make any sense. That should’ve made everything even better.”
“I know. I’m still trying to figure it out. She says it’s not that she doesn’t care about me, she does . . . but she doesn’t think she’s meant to be in a relationship.”
Ma is eerily quiet.
“You still there?”
“I’m here. So that’s what she said?”
“Yes.”
Ma lets out a long sigh. “Poor lass.”
“You feel bad for her?”
“I feel bad for her because she must not value who she is. She was already in a relationship with you . . . a grand one. Anyone could see it. She’s a fool to let that go.”
“I don’t know what to do. I’m so messedup, Ma.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, my boy—very sorry. She isn’t thinking clearly. There must be a way for you two to work this out. Let me pray on it. You should, too.”
Ma thinks prayers cure everything, but at this point what do I have to lose?
“I’ll try, Ma. I promise, I’ll try.”
It’s just past nine o’clock Thursday night when my phone prompts. I’m surprised to see it’s my brother. He must have gotten an earful from the folks about the tragic turn my life has taken.
“Hey, Paul. Ma told us about what happened at dinner tonight. I thought maybe it’d be good for you to get out. Are you free tomorrow night?”
“Would Skye be coming?” I’m not trying to be rude but I can’t take that woman right now.
“No, just us guys.”
I let out a sigh. I’m really not in the mood to go anywhere but it’s a big deal for my brother to put himself out there and offer, so I agree. Besides I’m going nuts after work, during the long empty hours at night.
“Okay. Musso and Frank?” he asks.
I roll my eyes. This notorious restaurant is seeping in Hollywood history and is relatively unchanged over the years. It’s almost a hundred years old, which by L.A. standards pretty much is equivalent to the Ice Age. It’s his favorite place and he insists we go there every year for his birthday instead of getting presents. I don’t know if it’s the old Hollywood vibe that he likes or what, but the whole place has stopped in time. Far be it from me to crimp his style.
“Seven’s okay?”
“Yeah. See you there.”
Patrick is already in his booth when I arrive. He always asks to be in this section so his favorite waiter, Al—who’s an old, cranky bastard—can wait on us. Apparently they have a special connection that I’ll never figure out. Al always argues with me about what I’m ordering.
“Medium-well,” I answer when he asks how I want my steak.
“Rare. It’s better,” he says as he scribbles in his pad.
Screw you, old man.
We’re halfway through our old-school martinis when it hits me that Patrick ordered a burger.
“Hey, what happened to being vegan?”
He shrugs. “I can’t give up my meat.”
“But what about Skye?”
He starts to turn red as he fidgets with his silverware. “Um, I don’t eat it around her.”
“You dog!” I say with a laugh. “She doesn’t know, does she?”
He shakes his head.
“I tried, I swear I tried,” he insists.
“Hey, I’m not going to give you any shit about it. A man needs his beef, right?”
He nods looking relieved.
“So then what about the rest . . . the meditating and weird clothes?”
“That stuff is all right. I don’t mind the meditating. Actually I kind of like it, but I almost blew it last night when I fell asleep while she was chanting. I don’t think she was amused.”
“But she’s peaceful and all-accepting, right? So I’m sure she was cool with it.”
“Oh, she’s feistier than she looks. I was making fun of the weird art on her vision cards the other day and she got pissed.”
“So what is this then? Is she someone you’re serious about?”
“I don’t know if I’d say serious yet, but she’s pretty great. She’s really sweet to me. Besides, it’s part of my plan to expand my horizons.”
“Like the travel you were telling me about?”
I think about how much Patrick has changed lately and realize it’s good to focus on someone else’s relationship for a change.
“Exactly.”
“Well that’s cool I guess. How about the sex? Is that expanding your horizons too?”
His face turns a brighter shade of red. “Have you ever heard of Tantric sex?” he asks.
“No.”
“Look it up.” He leans forward with an intense expression and lowers his voice. “It will change your life.”
My eyes grow wide. Whoa, Paddy’s got it going on. Good for him. No wonder he’s putting up with the incense and rope belts. I lift my martini glass in a toast.
“Here’s for expanding your horizons.”
Grinning, he lifts his glass to join me. “Here, here.”
Grumpy Al brings out our food and we dig in. I’m almost done with my steak when Patrick brings up my situation.
“So can you tell me about what happened with you and Elle? Ma said something about her telling you she didn’t want to be in a relationship.”
“Yeah, she told me that the first ten minutes after we met, but I kind of forgot that small detail the closer we got.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know, but I better figure something out because I’m missing her so much that it’s making me crazy.”
Patrick finishes off the final bite of his burger, pushes his plate back, then taps his fingers on the table. He squints like he’s deep in thought before looking back up at me.