But today she felt more inadequate than usual.
“Is it too early to drink?” Piper asked smoothly as she slid into one of the leather barstools next to the island. “It’s only noon, or I would’ve brought over a vat of wine. Instead, I’m going to have to do this sober. I’ll get right down to it and not waste your time. I, hand to the Almighty above”—she thumped her hand over her heart—“wish that Michael had never brought up our personal stuff last night. I’m so sorry. I was wildly uncomfortable, and I’ve been unbelievably embarrassed all day. I hardly even know what to do with myself—and, believe me, that’s a rarity. I know you must think we’re heathens or sexual perverts, and because of that I apologize from the bottom of my soul. Had it been my choice”—she placed a finger on her chest—“that would’ve stayed private until the day we died.”
Caroline blushed at her friend’s confession, remembering all the details Michael had spilled last night, her fingers trailing over the gray-and-white-veined granite. She couldn’t fault her friend for not confiding in her. Caroline had never broached the topic of sex in all their years of friendship. It wasn’t her style. “Honestly, Piper, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Your decisions are your own. Jace and I are not ones to judge anyone’s behavior. Whatever you and Michael choose to do behind closed doors is your business.”
“I know. But I also know you, and you believe that up to a point. But this is different. This isn’t just me deciding to cut my hair or dye it black like I did a few years ago. Or even me deciding to have an affair with another man. This is something that marks us as different. This is the kind of information that changes friendships forever. If Michael had admitted he committed a gruesome murder last night, I think it would’ve been easier to swallow than admitting we get our rocks off with other people.”
Caroline couldn’t help but laugh.
Her friend had that effect on her. Piper knew how to diffuse a situation faster than anyone she’d ever met, and she was one of the wittiest people on earth. “I wouldn’t go that far. Having a few…consensual encounters is a lot different than killing someone.”
“Okay, then how about killing someone’s dog?” Piper appeared miserable. She rested her arms on the counter and settled her head on them face first, like she was a kid in elementary school. “And I won’t blame you if you want nothing to do with us ever again.” Her voice was muffled. “Believe me, after the first time, I didn’t want anything to do with us either.”
Caroline pulled out a stool and sat, placing a hand on her friend’s back. “To tell you the truth, I’m actually dying of curiosity.” She leaned closer to Piper, who was still hunched over. “We’ve known each other for a long time, and you’ve never once mentioned anything like this. Not even a whisper. And I don’t blame you. I’ve never been one to kiss and tell. But, I have to tell you, I’ve always pictured swingers to be…I don’t know…less put together.” Caroline began to giggle. She tried to stifle her laughter, but failed as she continued with, “Which is totally ridiculous. I know swingers aren’t total degenerates. I just never thought they’d live…you know, next door to me…and be so…I don’t know…fun.”
“We’re not swingers.” Piper lifted her head, cracking a small smile. “Not in the technical sense anyway.” She sat up and ran her hands through her long hair, bringing it behind her ears as she turned on her stool to face Caroline. “And, just so you understand, we’ve only done it a handful of times—eight or ten at the most. And only with two other couples—but not two at once,” she amended quickly. “Good grief, this is not coming out as planned.” She looked miserable again. “We actually stick to some pretty steadfast rules, or I’d never be able to live with myself.”
“What kind of rules?” Caroline asked. The question had come out on its own, which surprised her. Digging into another person’s intimacy was not in her comfort zone. But, she had to admit, while she’d been shocked by the news last night, seeing Piper being her normal, funny self now, right here in her own kitchen, made her lifestyle choice seem much less outrageous.
That, and she honestly wanted to know how her friend handled it.
Piper raised an eyebrow, but began, “Well, for one, you can’t kiss anyone else’s spouse on the lips.” She spread her palms on the counter and took a deep breath, seeming to gather herself. “You can’t be alone with another partner. All sexual acts have to be within view of the other participants, all the time. Actually, in the beginning, there was no penetration of any kind allowed, only foreplay. We worked our way up to penetration. But, that said, having sex with someone else is always optional. But the biggest rule we have is no intimidation or pressure of any kind. You can leave or stop whenever you want to. It has to be completely mutual for everyone.”
“So have you…done the penetration part? Have you slept with someone else?” Caroline had to ask. Michael hadn’t specified last night.
“I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘slept with someone,’ but yes.” She held up a single finger. “But only once, and it took me a long time to get over it. I might’ve even had a little, teensy breakdown after, so I don’t think I’ll ever do it again. It was fairly traumatizing.”
“Has Michael…penetrated someone else?”
“Yes, a few times, but only with my permission.”
Caroline tried not to look totally aghast, but judging from the look on Piper’s face, she wasn’t succeeding.
“You don’t have to look like I just killed your dog,” Piper said, her voice dejected.
Caroline tried to make her expression impassive, but the news was just so shocking.
“Caroline, to be honest, this has been a very long road for Michael and me. I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that it turns me on to see him with another woman. I used to think something was wrong with me. But over time, Michael has helped me see that I’m not broken. What I like just doesn’t fit into what society thinks is normal. Therefore, I’m labeled a sexual freak.” She shrugged. “That’s really the bottom line.”
Caroline nodded along. It made sense on some level.
Piper continued, “Michael is connected to me during the entire…episode, for lack of a better word. And afterward we go home and have explosive sex—like, the best ever. It lasts for weeks. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s satisfying on so many levels. Obviously, it’s satisfying”—she made a funny face—“or we wouldn’t keep doing it. The sexual stimulation I get from it is…mind-blowing. Like hyper orgasms, three or four in a row. There’s nothing like it.”
Caroline tried not to act shocked about Piper’s blatant confessions. Instead, she straightened and focused on the countertop as she asked, “How do you cope with the guilt?” Piper had to feel guilty. “We’re not exactly trained to be okay with sharing our partners, like you said. How do you rationalize it in your mind, so you can get through the second-guessing?” She wasn’t going to confess to Piper that it had taken her much too long to shake the guilt after watching a single porn movie.
“I’m not going to lie. The guilt was extremely brutal at first. I thought for sure we were going to get divorced. There were a lot of tears, agonizing, and hand-wringing.”
That’s exactly how Caroline would’ve reacted. She nodded. “How’d you finally get over it?”
“We just kept talking about it, kept the conversation open. The simplest answer I have is because we love each other very deeply. And what it all boils down to in the end is it’s just sex. It’s not love.” Piper rested her elbow on the island, a slightly amused expression on her face. “About a year after the very first time, and all the angst was behind me, I was ready to try it again. And the second time—lemme tell you—was much better than the first. I knew what to expect, and the experience was greatly improved. Michael and I have since learned to make our own rules on the way over, and we always stick to them. With the couples we interact with, we can only do it once or twice a year. It takes a lot out of us to be with them. But, like I said, the payoff is fantastic. When I watch him with someone else, it’s hard to describe it accurately, but it’s like the biggest vibrator in the world is in my pants. It’s that hot.”