"Wife or no, you want to talk about what the telepath would've done if you hadn't stopped it? Think about that."
"What I'm thinking, I'm starting to think… it's a war that breeds war." "Jesus, Soledad-"
"It's the kind of shit that never stops. So my gun, how many of them I take out… doesn't matter. They'll keep coming at us, we'll keep going at them. So what I do, what we do, what does it amount to? Might as well pack the fighting up, move it to the Middle East."
"You almost got killed. I get that. But you don't-"
"It's not a near-death experience. It's more like a-" It was more like what? "More like a near-useless death experience. I'm just feeling a little useless right now."
"Tell me about it, Soledad. Tell me all about it and act like it's new to me." Through Soledad's self-assessment, her talk of her feelings and concerns, Vin maintained his stare at the room door.
When Soledad finished her venting, Vin said at the door: "I'm a bad memory to them."
Soledad knew who and what Vin was talking about. Alcala, Eddi. Their distance, their coolness when talking with Vin. From the second he stepped in the room the shift in their mood was obvious. Soledad'd hoped Vin would take it in stride. He didn't. This was not good for her. Bad enough she had her own concerns. Now she'd have to put some emotional work into dealing with Vin's as well.
Soledad said: "You're not a bad memory. Alcala wasn't even on the element when we went at the telepath. You're not a bad memory for him."
"Then I'm a poster child for what happens when things go south. Couldn't even look at me. Barely could. Eddi could barely look at me, and Alcala-"
"That's their own guilt; that it was you, not them. They're staring at you, they're staring at mortality. They look at you, and they've got to deal with their own shit, so they-"
"They were laughing with you. They can laugh with you, but with me…" Vin realized he was still holding the flowers he'd brought Soledad. He formally presented them to her.
"They're pretty. Thanks."
"Got them downstairs. Was on my way up, figured I shouldn't come empty-handed."
"Or you spent all day picking out ones you thought I'd love," she coached. "You don't have to be honest. Sometimes it's okay to lie a little." Soledad, touched, genuinely: "Thank you."
Again, Vin looked to the door. "How's Eddi?" "Good."
"She good or just getting by?" "She's good."
"I worry about her. She likes to talk tough, but she's more girl than man."
"I'm telling you she's good."
"She had a thing for Yar, you know. Watching him get killed like that-"
"You want to make her?"
"Do I what?"
Soledad was kidding on the square. A little jealous, never mind her jokes. "I can slip her a note, see if she's got a date for prom."
"Or you could talk to her, make sure she's good like you think. She worships you."
"She doesn't worship me." Adjusting herself, Soledad tried to turn down the volume on the throb in her leg. Meds had kept it subordinate for a while. Soledad had quit those. Wasn't some hard-ass ploy. Opposite of that. The painkillers were gooooood. Made Soledad feel as sweeeeeet as she had since… in years. She could see how people got hooked on the stuff. She could see herself getting hooked on the stuff.
So she quit 'em.
Soledad, finishing the thought: "She doesn't worship me. Not anymore, if she ever did." "She get a tattoo?"
"No."
"You sure?" "Checked."
"Checked everywhere?" Soledad stared at Vin.
Vin: "She's not dumb. She knows you hate hero worship. She's not going to get a tattoo on her shoulder,"
Soledad, still back at the head of Vin's statement: "Check everywhere like where?"
"Her ass, maybe. Maybe… you know how some girls like to get one right near the crotch."
Slow roasting. Soledad did some slow roasting. "No. I don't know. Why don't you hip me to how some girls like to get one near their-
"Soledad-"
"Okay, just so we're clear on things: You really want to bang her?"
"Do you talk like a guy because you think guys think it's sexy, or-"
"Yes, and do you-"
"I think Eddi's a very attractive person." Soledad opened her mouth to spew fire.
"But I think she's nothing compared to you."
No fire. No fury. Not a word. She didn't say a thing. Soledad's mouth maintained its slightly open position.
"So what are you going to do with yourself?" Vin asked. "I know you taking downtime isn't going to happen."
"I don't know." Soledad was talking to the wall opposite Vin. Forgetting for a second that her black skin didn't blush, humility made Soledad look away from him. "Was thinking of seeing if I could get assigned, to DMI. Next best thing to being an active MTac, right?"
Vin shrugged.
"Figure it'll be good too, you know; doing Intel. Find out what they know about freaks, how they track them, how many there really are out there. Now's the chance."
"Why don't you get assigned to HIT? You can keep your research going there."
"HIT is bullshit." Looking back to Vin, blush turned to heat. "Bunch of geeks who couldn't get jobs at Metal-storm or DARPA, sitting around with their bullshit theoretical science. 'Gee, maybe if we perfect a particle beam or a rail gun, we can take out muties.' Meanwhile, I'm in my garage making shit that works. Just because my knee's messed up doesn't mean I'm gonna go waste my time."
"But that's just your first reaction. It's not like you put a lot of thought into it."
Referring to Vin's causticity: "So what's the deal? Takes me getting just about run over to get you back to your old self?"
Rubbing at where his prosthetic and stump met: "The days of being my old self are good and gone."
And whatever trace Soledad had seen of the used-to-be Vin, cocky Vin, get-that-last-word-in Vin evaporated. Returned in brief, gone quick. By Soledad, bitterly missed.
She said to Vin: "You could come over with me. Real easy, you could get detailed to DMI."
"To do what?"
"To work Intel. To get intelligence on freaks." "Yeah, but for me; why?"
"Because you should be doing something. Because it's been eight months, and you should
be-"
"You want to get married?"
Soledad managed: "… Married…?"
"Do you want to marry me?"
In this second go-round, Soledad couldn't even muddle out the one-word response she'd given the first time Vin asked.
"You don't want to marry me. You don't want to… You talk about what'd help me heal-"
"It's not that I don't want to… " No conviction there. Soledad quit talking, didn't even try working past what Vin knew, what she knew was the truth.
"If you're not going to marry me, and believe me, the question was more for shock value than meant as invitation, but if you're not going to really be part of my life, then don't try to orient my life."
Soledad wanted to say something counter to that, but short of "Yeah, I'll marry you," what counter was there?
Vin told Soledad he'd be back later to see her. He'd be back to quietly kill time with her as she'd done with him when the situation was exactly flipped. Exactly, except Vin's leg'd been chewed off, not busted by an SUV.
A kiss to Soledad's forehead. A squeeze of her hand.
The sounds of the hospital bled in through the open door, then died off as Vin left the room.
Figuring there couldn't possibly be anything on TV worth watching, Soledad passed time looking at the flowers Vin had bought downstairs, brought upstairs.
Her thought: Painkillers'd be real good right now.
What's the difference, the joke goes, between an MTac cop and a DMI cop?
You can see how fucked-up the DMI cop is.
That's the kind of interdepartmental ribbing that beat cops, SPU and SWAT cops think's funny.