"As much against me as you. But same as me, I think you can change."
"Change to what? The opposite of good cop is
bad."
Her fingers brushed the butt of the O'Dwyer. "Being a better one." "What's better than doing right?" "Keeping from doing wrong." "Jesus Christ, it's like talking to a fortune cookie."
"Leave your gun."
Soledad quietly gave props to Raddatz's good eyes. His hand was resting on the steering wheel. His hook was in his lap. Unless he started swinging it, he wasn't a threat.
Soledad, getting a strong grip on her O'Dwyer: "It's too late for that."
"Never too late." Raddatz, looking to Soledad: "You've got a reputation for being cold and hard. More so than most of the MTacs."
Soledad didn't take that badly. It was fact, one she'd gotten comfortable with a long time ago. She got a comfortable grip on her gun too. It was carrying her green-tipped load. Slugs gel-capped with contact poison. Soledad wondered, if she had to take the shot, would it put Raddatz down before he got off one in return? In close quarters what were the odds Soledad would get back-splashed by her own poison? Right then she kinda wished for a regular gun. Didn't have to be big. Just deadly in a conventional fashion. While she was thinking that. Soledad checked her back side. Made sure none of the cadre were creeping on her.
"But only once," Raddatz went on, "have I seen you quick to anger. When I threatened Hall's wife to keep her son from her."
Before she could even process the thought an answer fell out of her: "A kid needs his mother." "So you see."
"See what? I throw somebody a break, you think I can't do what's-" "You see the gray."
Soledad flicked her free hand like she was deflecting a useless thought.
She said: "The law, justice, doing the job; there's gray all over those. If this is supposed to be an academy primer, it's years too late."
"You believe in a better world? Hell, you know you do. You want a better world, it starts now. Tonight."
An invitation. An open invitation. With her hand on her gun, knowing she was ready to kill him anyway, Raddatz was still offering her to join the cadre.
If just in theory she took the offer, if she jettisoned her expressed obligation to Tashjian and threw her allegiance to the cadre, what she did this night wouldn't be her first kill. Not hardly. But it'd be her first without sanction. Without the letter of the law backing her. And that, that «little» thing-the law-made the difference. Maybe not ultimately a true moral difference. That's what cable TV shoutfests were for: pundits to go back and forth on right and wrong before the moderator got in the last word after the final commercial break. But the law gave Soledad and every other cop justification. And justification, under the circumstances, after San Francisco, allowed her to execute her obligation: protect normal humans.
It allowed her to protect normal humans and still sleep the sleep of the innocent. On the occasions she slept at all.
This night she couldn't let things go to murder and feel the same way. Clean.
Could she?
Unbelievable. The situation had advanced to the brink, and still Soledad was conflicted. She would have complicity, or she would be duplicitous. One or the other. And only just then could she even vaguely pick which.
"I don't believe In vigilantism." Fuck being a rat. She'd pick Tashjian's side, but she wasn't going to be surreptitious. "Being a better person means we're not like them. We follow the law. We don't make our own rules. We're not gods. We don't hand out life and death whenever we please."
"You're with us more than you know, I've got a high regard for life and death," Raddatz said.
"The power to take it is awesome. The power to preserve it is humbling. And the ability to know which to apply scares the hell out of me. If I could explain this in a word… I need you here."
"That's a strong way to put things."
"I need your skills, but if you don't want to use them, I need to know where you are. I can't take a chance."
"Not when you're going to do some coloring outside the lines. How about we do this: How about we start up the car; head back to DMI?"
"I can't."
"I hate them as much as you, as much as a person can. But all this does-"
A laugh from Raddatz. Snide.
Soledad rode over it. "AH this does is give the power back to the freaks."
"It's not about power, except the power to do what's right. And I honestly believe in the crucial moment you'll do what's right. I believe. I have to, you can't do otherwise. But I need your trust. I need-"
A little electronic chirp. It was muffled under the fabric of Soledad's coat, but she and Raddatz both heard it. It was audible confirmation from Soledad's gun the safety had been flicked off.
There was her trust.
She said: "I'm telling you one last time: Start the car and-"
Raddatz's radio came up weakly, barely able to read Shen's call.
"… spotted… pretty sure…"
"Shen!" Raddatz did a one-handed fumble with the radio, adjusted dials, tried to squeeze life from it. The movements so quick Soledad nearly pulled out and took the shot. "Shen, you're coming in weak. Repeat."
Static. A little. Then not even that.
"Raddatz, it's Donatell, you read?"
Soledad: "Raddatz…»
Ignoring her: "Donatell."
"I read." Donatell's voice came strong, the radio signal clear. "You get that last from Shen?"
"Negative. It came garbled. Crawl up Union toward him." Raddatz lit the car's engine. "Keep your mike hot."
"Roger that."
"Raddatz, call it in."
Raddatz looked to Soledad. In the look he made himself naked emotionally. He cast off anger, any trace of a tough-guy stance. The irradiate musings that had dominated his tone. All that, all that was set aside. It was quite a trick, though it was not an illusion. It was replaced by a sincerity beyond honesty.
"Soledad," Raddatz said, "shoot me or get out."
Wasn't an order. It was a request to do one or the other.
Soledad had to let him be. Or she had to let him die. If he could not complete his task, then- and this she got from his tone-all there really was, was for Raddatz to be dead.
Shoot or get out.
Soledad did neither.
Raddatz put the car in gear, drove. He took the street at a solid creep. Even at the hour there was activity. People coming and going from something that was open all night. A pharmacy. A club. A porn store.
Rounding a comer where Shen's car should be but wasn't: "Where is he?" A useless question, but it fell out of Raddatz's mouth just the same. "Shen?" No response to Ms call over the radio. "Shen, it's Raddatz, you read?"
Nothing.
To Panama: "Panama, anything?" "… on the… back around… " More static than words.
Soledad's grip on her gun stayed constant, though the gun itself had moved from beneath her coat to a spot in the clear where it would be more ready for action.
"Eyes open" was Raddatz's order to Soledad. She didn't need to be directed. That things were hinky was obvious.
Raddatz kept up the creep of the car, kept it up, but even as it slow-rolled, it rolled with an urgency. Something was not right. Very close by, some things were ill. Heading for terminal.
Soledad spotted it. Parked on a cross street facing opposite of traffic. Shen's car.
"There!"
Raddatz was already angling for it. Both cops cut of the car before it stopped roiling. Raddatz drew out.
Two-handed grip. Gun forward, muzzle down. Soledad came around the car. The car in drive. Engine dead. Door open.
Raddatz did a quick assess: The target wasn't on the street or sidewalk.
An alley behind an apartment block. Raddatz took it, Soledad right behind.
Creep, creeping along. Cautious, but not too slow. Things were happening somewhere. Raddatz, Soledad had to get to them.