‘No,’ she said. ‘Let’s discuss why you are here wasting my time and harassing me when you should be looking for Ben. Where’s Ben, DI Clemo? Where is he? You actually have somebody in custody, and you are here, targeting me. You know nothing about me! Nothing! Do they charge police for wasting their own time? Do they? Because that is what you are doing. My family is everything to me, it’s everything. At this moment in time, I can’t cope with it very well, but that is nobody’s business apart from mine and my husband’s. It’s not a criminal offence to take some time out, so stop treating me as if I am some kind of monster. My life has been difficult, and I cope with that the best I can. Do I want a son? YES! Do I want Charlie back? YES! Do I find my family too much to cope with sometimes? YES! Did I take Ben? NO, I DID NOT! Am I a monster? NO, I AM NOT! Do I love my husband, my daughters, my sister and my nephew? YES, I DO! Is that it? Is that all your questions answered?’
It was the way she said it, hand slamming down on the table as she made each point, as if her very existence depended on my understanding those things.
Faced with those words and her certainty, I simply felt everything start to slip through my fingers: the interview, and the case I wanted to build against her.
I pulled my chair back, loosened my collar.
Outside the kitchen door the mist was still thick, and it was impossible to see more than a few metres into the garden.
Get a grip, I told myself. Get back into it, hold your nerve, you can do this, but then Woodley reappeared and when I saw the look on his face I knew that I’d be lucky if I came out of this with even a shred of dignity.
He held his phone up as if it had something written on it that I should read. ‘We have to go,’ he said. Something about the way he said it made me understand that it wasn’t negotiable.
‘Thank you for your time,’ I managed to say to her, and the chair scraped on the floor as I stood. There was a static noise in my head. It had a size and a shape, and it was swelling as if it was being pumped in.
‘Get out,’ she said, quietly, as if she’d never seen a creature more disgusting than me.
Outside, by the car, Woodley said, ‘They’ve found a boy. In the woods. And they’ve found the site where he was held.’
‘Woodley,’ I said, but then I didn’t know what else to say.
I puked onto the thorny stems of one of Nicky Forbes’s neatly pruned rose bushes. Bile and bits of unidentifiable spew spattered around its base, leaving a pattern that can’t be mistaken for anything other than the hot disgorging of somebody’s guts.
I wiped my mouth, straightened up and felt pain ripple across my abdomen.
‘I’ll drive,’ I said, and Woodley handed me the keys.
RACHEL
They prised me up off the carpet, which had been so freshly laid that bits of blue fluff stuck to the knees of my trousers and my forehead and my arms.
They escorted me up from the flat with a blanket wrapped around me and they put me in an ambulance that was parked on the street.
The press were there too, of course they were. Only a few of them arrived quickly enough to photograph me being wheeled into the ambulance, but one person with a camera is all it takes. ‘Rachel! Rachel!’ they shouted, as the shutters fired. ‘Are you all right? Can you tell us what happened?’
Inside the ambulance a paramedic did checks and asked me questions. They said they were treating me for shock.
I refused to lie down. I sat up, blanket wrapped around me. It was all I had the strength to do. Shaking racked my body, like convulsions.
Then it was the turn of the police. They told me they were in pursuit of Joanna May. They said nothing about Ben. Their faces were grim, and I found I had no voice to ask questions.
I had imaginings. I felt as if chunks of me were separating themselves from my body, falling off. I imagined blood creeping in at the edges of my vision, a red tide. It was because I knew I was too late. He had been there, and now he was gone, and what were the odds that she’d keep him alive?
I felt myself let go. I let go of hope.
And then cutting through the murmured voices, I heard the ambulance radio. The dispatcher was calling for somebody to respond to a call in Leigh Woods. Precise location unknown. A young boy found. Status unknown.
They had to sedate me. Blackness fell as swiftly as the blade of a guillotine.
TRANSCRIPT
EMERGENCY CALL – 29.10.13 at 10 hours 38 minutes 28 seconds
Operator: Hello, ambulance and emergency, how…
Caller: Oh my God, thank God. I’ve been disconnected. Can you hear me? I’ve been trying to call, trying to call you back. I was talking to somebody, but my phone went dead and I couldn’t get a signal again. I’ve found that boy. I’ve found him. But he’s in a really bad way.
Operator: Where are you, caller?
Caller: Please, hurry up.
Operator: Can you tell me where you are?
Caller: I’m in Leigh Woods, by a rope swing. Off the path. Are they looking for us? Should I go to the path?
Operator: Hold on just a second, OK… [consults somebody briefly]… All right, help is already on its way, they’re nearly with you, but it’s best if you stay with the boy and I really need you to tell me if he’s breathing if you can.
Caller: He is breathing, but it’s really bad breathing. I can’t feel a pulse in his arm. He’s freezing cold. I’ve put my coat on him.
Operator: Right. Is he conscious at all?
Caller: No, he’s not.
Operator: All right. You’re doing well. Can you see if he’s got any injuries on him? Is there any blood?
Caller: I can’t see any blood. He’s got bruises up his arm. He’s making weird noises.
Operator: Right, can you carefully move him onto his back, as quickly as you can, and have a look in his mouth if you can, check there’s nothing obstructing it. Keep him lying as flat as you can.
Caller: I’m doing it. God, he’s cold, he’s soaking wet. Oh God. Where are they?
Operator: They’re nearly with you. Can you tell me how’s his breathing now?
Caller: Bad.
Operator: But he’s still breathing, right?
Caller: I’ve got him on his back.
Operator: Look in his mouth. Is there anything in there? Food or vomit?
Caller: No. His lips are blue.
Operator: Is he still breathing?
Caller: Yes, he is. I’m going to lie with him. I’m going to give him my body heat.
Operator: OK. They’re a few minutes away from you now; they’re making their way along the main path in the woods. Can you give me some more detail about where you are, can you tell me where they need to turn off the main path?
Caller: There’s a pile of logs opposite the entrance. Cut-up logs in a pile. About halfway round the path.
Operator: I’ll let them know.
Caller: I’m lying with him. He’s breathing really bad.
Operator: Can you shout? I want you to stay with him, and tell me straight away if he stops breathing, but can you shout, to help them find you? They’re very close, but they can’t see you.
Caller: HELP! OVER HERE! HELP!
Operator: Well done. They can hear you. Keep shouting.
Caller: HELP US! HELP! OVER HERE! Where are they?
Operator: Don’t worry they can hear you and they can see you now.
Caller: I can see them. HERE! QUICK! HE’S HERE!
Operator: Are they with you now?
Caller: Yes, they’re here.
Operator: OK, I’ll leave you with them, OK?
Caller: Yes, thanks, all right.
Operator: Thank you, bye.
JIM
We made it to the woods in one hour. I used blue lights.
On the way in the car we got more details. About Ben Finch’s condition. About Joanna May, and the room in the basement of her flat.