“That is most courteous of you to say, sir, but we both know that the conduct of neither of us, if strictly examined, was irreproachable.”
“If so, I am still much more at fault than you.” Tentatively, he asked, “Miss Bennet, I beg of you, if it is not too much to ask, to tell me what upsets you so much that you will not look at me?”
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth crossed her arms in front of her and turned to regard him. In a pained voice, she asked, “What must you think of me?”
“You are concerned about what I think of you?” A relieved look lightened his face. “My dear Miss Bennet, I think of you as a virtuous young woman who I sincerely hope will be my future wife, and I count myself among the most fortunate of men that you apparently have enough feeling for me as to occasionally allow that feeling to overwhelm your sense of propriety where I am concerned. Please, you need feel no concern whatsoever on this subject.”
“It is discomfiting, to say the least, that after never having allowed a gentleman even the slightest liberties in the past, I seem to have overnight begun to behave like my sister Lydia.”
“Hardly, Miss Bennet, you have consistently applied restraint—”
Elizabeth interrupted, “Hardly consistently!”
He applied a look of mock disapproval to her before continuing, “—whereas you would have every reason to think that I would stop at nothing to take advantage of you.”
“I think not; the word ‘no’ seems to have been quite efficacious to date.” She smiled rather tentatively at him, and was relieved to find that he returned her smile. With harmony somewhat restored, she added, “But I am, perhaps, not quite ready to face my family. I think I shall sit on this bench—in extremely full view of the house—for a few minutes yet, and I would be happy to have your company, sir.”
He made a slight bow. They sat, and forcibly turned their conversation to safer topics, while Elizabeth made valiant but eventually futile attempts not to be completely distracted by the light touch of his hand against hers on the bench, a situation which to the casual observer would appear to be quite innocent, but which felt anything but that.
Chapter 5
As soon as the gentlemen had taken their leave, Elizabeth, feeling quite unequal to any discussion regarding Darcy that might arise between her family members, took the opportunity to retire to her room to be alone with her thoughts. She was unsurprised, however, to hear a knock on the door heralding the arrival of Jane, full of concern for her well-being.
“Lizzy,” said Jane, taking her hand, “what happened? Please, tell me all about it.”
Elizabeth surprised herself and her sister by bursting into tears.
“Oh, Lizzy. I am so sorry. I hope he was not too cruel.”
“No, he was not cruel. He said everything I could hope he would say. He was charming and solicitous…”
Jane, more than puzzled over her sister’s distress, asked, “Did he renew his addresses?” In response to her sister’s slight nod, she added, “And did you accept him?”
“I told him I needed time.”
“Lizzy, why? Why not just accept him? You love him, I know you do!”
“Because, Jane, I do not have your touching faith in everyone’s goodness, and I have learned to my chagrin that my judgments of people are not as accurate as I had always thought. I misjudged Darcy badly in the past in many ways. Now I am judging that he has changed greatly in regard to his pride, but I am choosing to believe this based on the evidence of five conversations. Five, Jane! Given my history of misjudgment, should I base my future happiness on what may be no more than a temporary aberration and a great deal of wishful thinking on my part? My heart wants to accept him, but my head tells me to be cautious.”
“Bingley has known him and trusted him for years, Lizzy. That cannot count for nothing.”
“I know, and Miss Darcy believes him to be the finest brother in the world, but I need evidence of my own.”
“So you told him you needed time. Then what happened?”
Elizabeth, with a teary smile, said, “Then we progressed from behaving badly to behaving disgracefully, and then we had a fight over who was most at fault for it. Jane, you must never leave us alone together—we cannot be trusted.”
“Dearest Lizzy, of course, if that is what you wish. But did you part well?”
“Yes, except for the stress of knowing that we both could think of very little apart from how much we wished for the privacy to disgrace ourselves yet again! Oh, Jane, how do you and Bingley survive this longing and look so happy all the time? This is agony!”
Jane smiled gently. “The agony was all in the waiting and wondering for me. Perhaps, once you and Darcy have settled this between yourselves, it will be easier.”
“And have you nothing to say of my behavior?”
“I am… surprised, but I do recognize that Darcy is a man who is violently in love, and I would imagine that he could be quite persuasive.”
“Jane, you are too good for the rest of us!”
The comfort that Jane was able to offer allowed Elizabeth to face the rest of the day with tolerable composure, though her thoughts were continually at Netherfield, and sleep did not come easily that night.
Elizabeth awoke the next morning to the same thoughts and meditations which had at length closed her eyes. It was impossible to think of anything else but Darcy, and, after some period of being totally indisposed to employment, decided to start embroidering a new handkerchief with a pattern of intertwining forget-me-nots and sweet williams.
It was a relief when at last the gentlemen arrived. Bingley proposed their all walking out; it was agreed to, but Mary could not spare the time, and Kitty owned she was not much for walking. This plan being of eminent satisfaction to the four remaining walkers, they set out immediately.
Bingley and Jane soon tactfully lagged behind somewhat, allowing Elizabeth and Darcy to entertain each other. Elizabeth, with a sly glance at Darcy, informed him Jane was prepared to provide chaperonage for them, which engaged more laughter from him than she anticipated.
“You did not hear Bingley’s original plan for the day,” he said with great amusement. “He suggested—being tolerably well acquainted with how things stand for me—that we invite you and Jane to dine at Netherfield today, with the intent you and I could chaperone them, but in fact allow some small degree of privacy.”
“Pray, how did you respond to this proposition, sir?”
“It is perhaps wisest for that to remain between Bingley and me,” he replied, then, in response to a stern look from his companion, added, “But if you must know, I told him that I thought his plan to be ill-advised, in that it might lead to me reaching the altar before he did.”
“Mr. Darcy!”
“So it is my expectation that Bingley will be keeping a close eye on us as well. I do seem to need all the help I can get in that regard,” he said, continuing the banter. “But I hope your information did not give your sister an overly poor impression of me.”
“Jane is constitutionally unable to think ill of anyone, and since you, sir, have already demonstrated your fine sensibilities in your choice of both Bingley and myself as favored companions, your place in her esteem is, I believe, quite secure.”
“Well, if that is the case, perhaps I can afford to take a few risks.” He turned and called back to his friend, “Bingley—the view behind us is most pleasant. You must show it to Miss Bennet.”
As Elizabeth turned as well to see what he was pointing out, Darcy took advantage of the distraction of the other couple to steal a light but lingering kiss. “I never said Bingley would be a particularly good chaperone,” he said with some satisfaction. “He has too much sympathy with my position.”