He nuzzled into her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. “I like your honesty. It’s refreshing. There’s no guessing with you. I like that a lot. You don’t play games. I don’t find your forthrightness to be bold or brazen at all. I like knowing where I stand. And let’s face it. If you’d waited for me to make a move, you’d probably have waited forever because I would have never imagined for a single moment that you’d want someone like me. It would have felt to me like reaching for the stars or wishing for the moon. I guess I needed a kick in the ass and you provided that nicely.”
She laughed, relaxing into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder. There was nothing overtly sexual about their position, but she felt comfortable and intimacy surrounded them, pulling them into their own little cloud. The rest of the world seemed miles away. There was only the two of them with no intrusions or interruptions.
Knowing she was being bold—again—she turned her head up just so she could see his face. “Will you sleep with me tonight?”
His eyes instantly flared and she hurried to correct the likely assumption that she was asking him to make love to her.
“I don’t mean to have sex,” she hastily amended. “I know we’re still feeling our way around each other and I don’t want to rush things. I’m liking where we are right now. But I’d love to sleep in your arms tonight. To just . . . be with you.”
He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I’d like that a hell of a lot. And Eden, stop being self-conscious about saying what it is you want. I don’t think you’re some brazen hussy. I hope you’ll never hesitate to ask me for anything you want or need. Because I’ll do pretty damn much anything to provide it for you.”
She smiled ruefully. “I told you this isn’t the normal me. It’s actually really hard to lay it out like I have. I like you a lot and I don’t want to ever put you off by being too demanding or pressuring you for something you aren’t ready for.”
“There’s no pressure, honey. I think we’ve already established I want you pretty damn bad. You’ll never come across as demanding or forceful by telling me what it is you want from me.”
“I want you to do the same,” she said softly. “I don’t want you to worry about coming across too forcefully. I’d like us both to meet each other halfway. So if you make me promise to tell you what it is I want, then I want that same promise from you.”
“Deal,” he said gruffly.
He looked regretfully at his watch and then back to her.
“You said you have an early morning, and if we’re going to get up and work out before your shoot, you should probably think about getting to bed now.”
She nodded. Before she would have been reluctant to go to bed—alone—because she enjoyed his company and she would have lingered, giving up rest to spend time with him. But now that he was sleeping with her, she suffered no qualms about going to bed now.
He pushed her up with a gentle pat to her behind. “You go and get ready for bed. I’m going to grab a shower and then I’ll meet you in your bedroom.”
She leaned down and kissed his scarred cheek. “Don’t be too long.”
He grinned crookedly at her. “I’ll likely set a speed record for this shower now that I know I’m sleeping with you tonight. I usually just wear boxers to bed. Will that bother you?”
She nearly laughed. Him in just his underwear and her getting to drink in the sight of his muscled physique? Her being able to sleep curled into that strong body and feel his skin against hers? Bother her? Ha!
“If you’re okay with me wearing lingerie, then I’m certainly okay with you wearing just your boxers.”
His expression was priceless. He looked as though he’d just swallowed his tongue. Then he groaned.
“You’re torturing me. I hope you know that.”
She gave him an innocent look. “I’ll be more covered than you’ll be.”
He snorted. “I have a damn good imagination and believe me I’ll be imagining what’s underneath that sexy lingerie all night.”
“Good,” she murmured, a smile curving the corners of her mouth. “I like the idea that you’ll be thinking about me.”
On that note, she trotted off toward her bedroom, leaving Swanny sitting in his chair. She grinned and did a silly twirl as she gathered her nightclothes and headed for the bathroom.
Was this what falling in love felt like? She was certainly in lust with him. It was all so confusing. People didn’t just fall in love at first sight. Love was something you had to work at. Something that was earned over time. But she could so easily see herself falling and falling hard for Swanny. Maybe she was already well on her way.
She let out a sigh. There was little sense in overanalyzing it all. She’d just have to wait and let the cards fall where they may. Already she was getting way ahead of herself. Though Swanny might be attracted to her, she was still a job to him. And they both had careers that took them to the opposite ends of the earth.
Maybe all she needed was an affair. Get him out of her system and when it was done and over with they’d go their separate ways and she’d have the memory of the time they’d spent together. But even as she thought it, she knew she was lying to herself. Because she highly doubted that having a hot fling with him would ever get him out of her system. If anything, becoming sexually and emotionally involved with him, even for a short time, would confirm what she already knew.
Swanny wasn’t the type of man a woman ever forgot or ever willingly let go. The bigger question would be whether he wanted more than a temporary fling or if he would be the one to walk away when it was all over with.
CHAPTER 15
SWANNY found himself standing outside Eden’s door, which was cracked a few inches. Though he’d said he wore only boxers to sleep, he hadn’t considered the fact that there were more scars crisscrossing his torso, ones that weren’t visible underneath his clothing, and he was seized by discomfort and self-consciousness at the idea of Eden seeing more of the imperfections of his body.
So he’d pulled on a T-shirt, noting that it made him a coward, but he couldn’t face her yet. Maybe he’d turn the lights off when he entered if she was already in bed and then he could strip out of his shirt before getting into bed, although that didn’t solve the problem of when they woke up because she’s most assuredly get an eyeful then.
But she’d asked him to trust her. It was a lot to ask even though he knew she was utterly sincere. But still, it made him uncomfortable to bare himself when he hadn’t ever let anyone else see the extent of the damage to his body from months of torture and degradation.
The psychological scars were every bit as bright in his mind as the daily reminder of his physical scars. In some ways the scars on his soul were more painful than the ones on his body, the ones that were visible. Those would take longer to heal. And maybe he’d never truly heal in heart and mind. But Eden gave him hope. Hope that he was afraid to allow himself to feel. She could so easily slip into his heart, and it would devastate him to see her expression change to one of pity or disgust, though he knew he was doing her a huge disservice by thinking she’d react that way. She’d shown him nothing but acceptance, had gone out of her way to convince him that his scars didn’t matter to her. And still, he found himself holding back, not wanting to give her any reason to back away.
He finally pushed hesitantly into her bedroom to see her propped in bed, covers to her belly. She presented such a beautiful sight that it took his breath away and he found himself momentarily unable to draw air into his lungs.