But worst of all, I miss Evie. I miss her more than I did in all those ten years combined. Even now, after all of this, I still love her.
Can you believe it?
I’m seriously fucked in the head.
But then Evie’s absence has always been the hole in my life that I could never fill.
Maybe I deserve this shit because I’m such a stupid fucker.
The bartender has just poured me another drink when the door to Reilly’s opens.
Max slides onto the stool beside me. “Good to see you’re spending your time off work effectively.”
“What are you doing here?” I pick up my glass and take a drink.
“Well, I haven’t heard from you in five days, which is a long time in our world and weird for you ’cause you always have been such a needy bitch when it comes to me. So, I called your office, and Mark told me that you weren’t in today and that you haven’t been in all week, which is odd for you because you never take a day off, not even when you’re sick. You know, I’ve never been able to wrap my head around that because you fucking hate that studio.”
“And your point is?” I take another drink before placing the glass on the bar. I curl my hand around it.
“My point is, the studio is where you hide. You hide in that place, burying your shit in your work. You’re not there, so something is severely wrong. I called your cell.” He points to it on the bar. “And you’re clearly ignoring that, so I stopped by the hotel.”
“You stalking me?”
“Always. You know I can’t get enough of your hot body.”
That almost gets a smile out of me.
“I’m your friend, Adam. I wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay.” Max tells the approaching barman, “Couple of fingers of whiskey and another of whatever this asshat is nursing.” He squints at my glass. “What the fuck is that anyway? Water?”
“Vodka, neat, assface.”
“If you’re looking to get shitfaced, that’s the way to do it.”
That’s exactly what I’m aiming to do, what I’ve been doing these past few days.
I take another sip of vodka, enjoying the burn down my throat. It’s the only thing currently reminding me that I’m still alive.
“I saw Evie.” Max drops the words into the air like a dirty bomb.
My eyes flash to his, and I slam my glass back down on the bar, nearly breaking it.
“You, what?”
“I saw Evie.”
“When?” I grit my teeth so hard that my jaw might shatter.
“When I stopped by the hotel, looking for you, and of course, you weren’t there. So, I went to the coffee shop.”
The barman puts our drinks down on the bar.
“Thanks,” Max says to him. He picks his glass up and takes a sip. “Fuck, that’s good.”
“Evie?” I growl. Jesus, it hurts to even say her name.
He puts the glass down, lifting a brow at me. “By the way, thanks for telling me that you were still married, fuckface. Gotta say, I didn’t see that coming.”
I don’t even have the energy to be sorry for not telling him. “I told you that she was back. You didn’t need to know any more than that.”
Ignoring me, he says, “I’m going to take it that you were severely embarrassed by the fact that you never filed those annulment papers, and that’s why you hid it from me. For future reference, I already know what a loser you are, so you don’t need to hide anything from me. And I’ll also forgive you for not telling me that you were fucking her again because I already figured that one out. You don’t need to be a genius to know that—even though I am a genius. You and Evie never could be in the same room without mauling each other.”
“I don’t want a fucking history lesson,” I say through gritted teeth. “What I want to know is why you were talking to Evie.”
“Because you were in hiding, and she clearly had the answer as to why.”
“And?”
“And we talked. She told me everything, including what happened the other day. She told me why she…left you.”
I look away.
“I’m so sorry, man.” His hand comes down on my shoulder, squeezing before letting go. “Ava hit a new all-time low with that one.”
I drop my head, running my hand into my hair. I don’t want him to see the hurt on my face.
“I knew you had to be in a fucked-up place right now, and as you weren’t at your office or the hotel, I thought I’d check Reilly’s before driving to Malibu. Glad you were here though ’cause I don’t enjoy driving in traffic. But I didn’t want you to be alone. Thought you might need to talk.”
“I don’t need to talk. And I really fucking want to be alone.”
“Yeah, you might think that, but I know you, and you being alone right now isn’t the best idea. You definitely need to talk because I know exactly how you’re spinning this shit in your head. So, let’s talk.” He turns in his seat to face me.
Moving my hand from my head, I flick a look at him. Then, I pick my vodka up and drain the glass. Pushing the glass down the bar, I get the fresh vodka Max ordered for me, and I down that as well. I lift a hand to the barman, signaling for another.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Max,” I say when I realize he’s not going anywhere.
“Sure there isn’t. You find out that your mother fucked you over in the worst possible way, and now, it’s just plain sailing and daisies.”
I ignore him, staring straight ahead.
“Evie’s hurting, Adam, just as badly as you are.”
“I don’t care if she’s hurting,” I snap.
I don’t mean that. It kills me. It’s all killing me.
“She should have told me the truth.” My fingers curl around the empty glass.
“Come on, you’re not being fair.”
“Not being fair? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Just hear me out.” He holds his hands up. “How could she tell you? If she told you, then she’d lose that chance to save her sister’s life. She was eighteen years old and faced with an impossible choice. If that were me and you needed a treatment that could possibly save your life, I would have chosen you without a second thought. Nothing would have been more important than saving the life of my brother—because that’s what you are to me, Adam. You’re my brother.
“And Casey was just a kid, a kid who was dying. You know how much Evie loves her. She was working her fingers to the bone to help pay for her medical bills. If Casey had died, Evie would have blamed herself. And Ava clearly knew that, and she used it to her advantage. We know the kind of people Ava is. Evie doesn’t. She didn’t stand a chance against Ava. Neither of you did really. The instant Ava decided she wanted Evie gone, there was only ever one outcome, and it was the one that happened The only good thing that came out of Ava’s fucked-up-ness, doing this to you and Evie, was saving that kid’s life.
“You’re laying the blame for this at the feet of two people when it should be only one. Evie was just as innocent as you were in this. You need to stop punishing her. Either forgive and take her back, or let her go once and for all.”
“I have let her go.”
“No, you haven’t.” He shakes his head at me. “You don’t know how to. You haven’t been able to for the last ten years, and you sure as shit can’t now. So, you either stay here and mope like a little bitch, or you go find Evie and talk to her.”
I stare at him, a pain in my chest so severe, it feels like my heart is failing. “I can’t forgive her.” I shake my head. “She should have told me the truth the second she came back. She didn’t. And I can’t forgive her for that.”
“Yeah, she should have. But put yourself in her place. She was a kid when it happened. She’s held on to that shit for ten years. Then, she gets back, and you’re here. She was afraid to lose you again. She might have left, but she lost you as well.”
“That you talking or her?”
“Me.”
“You on her side or something?” I snap.
I snap because I hear the truth in his words, but I don’t want to accept them.
I want to feel angry. If I don’t have my anger, then I have nothing.