But my body seemed to know there was more to come, and while I did not by any means stay sober, neither did I find myself launched upon the bender to which I felt roundly entitled. And, a day or two later, I was nursing a cup of bourbon-flavored coffee at my table in Armstrong's when SkipDevoe came in.
He gave me a nod from the doorway. Then he went to the bar and had a quick drink, knocking it back while he stood there. And then he came back to my table and pulled out a chair and dropped down into it.
"Here," he said, and put a brown manila envelope on the table between us. A small envelope, the kind they give you in banks.
I said, "What's this?"
"For you."
I opened it. It was full of money. I took out a sheaf of bills and fanned them.
"For Christ's sake," he said, "don't do that, you want everybody following you home? Put it in yourpocket, count it when you get home."
"What is it?"
"Your share. Put it away, will you?"
"My share of what?"
He sighed, impatient with me. He had a cigarette going and he dragged angrily on it, turning his head to avoid blowing the smoke in my face. "Your share of ten grand," he said. "You get half. Half of ten grand is five grand, and five grand is what's in the envelope, and whyntcha do us both a favor and put it the hell away?"
"What's this my share of, Skip?"
"The reward."
"What reward?"
His eyes challenged me. "Well, I could get something back, couldn't I? No way I owed those cocksuckers anything. Right?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Atwood and Cutler," he said. "I turned 'em in to Tim Pat Morrissey. For the reward."
I looked at him.
"I couldn't go to them, ask for the money back. I couldn't get a dime from fuckin ' Ruslander, he already paid it all out. I went over and sat down with Tim Pat, asked him did he and his brothers still want to pay out that reward. His eyes lit up like fucking stars. I gave him names and addresses and I thought he was gonna kiss me."
I put the brown envelope on the table between us. I pushed it toward him and he pushed it back. I said, "This doesn't belong to me, Skip."
"Yes it does. I already told Tim Pat half of it was yours, that you did all the work. Take it."
"I don't want it. I already got paid for what I did. The information was yours. You bought it. If you sold it to Tim Pat, you get the reward."
He drew on his cigarette. "I already gave half of it to Kasabian. The five grand I owed him. He didn't want to take it either. I told him, listen, you take this and we're square. He took it. And this here is yours."
"I don't want it."
"It's money. What the hell's the matter with it?"
I didn't say anything.
"Look," he said, "just take it, will you? You don't want to keep it, don't keep it. Burn it, throw it out, give it away, I don't give a shit what you do with it.Because I cannot keep it. I can't. You understand?"
"Why not?"
"Oh, shit," he said. "Oh, fucking shit. I don't know why I did it."
"What are you talking about?"
"And I'd do it again. That's what's crazy. It's eating me up, but if I had to do it all over again, I'd fucking do it."
"Do what?"
He looked at me. "I gave Tim Pat three names," he said, "and three addresses."
He took his cigarette between thumb and forefinger, stared at it. "I never want to see you do this," he said, and dropped the butt into my cup of coffee. Then he said, "Oh, Jesus, what am I doing? You had half a cup of coffee left there. I was thinking it was my cup and I didn't even have a cup. What's the matter with me? I'm sorry, I'll get you another cup of coffee."
"Forget the coffee."
"It was just reflex, I wasn't thinking, I-"
"Skip, forget the coffee. Sit down."
"You sure you don't want-"
"Forget the coffee."
"Yeah, right," he said. He took out another cigarette and tapped it against the back of his wrist.
I said, "You gave Tim Pat three names."
"Yeah."
"Atwood and Cutler and-"
"And Bobby," he said. "I sold him Bobby Ruslander."
He put the cigarette in his mouth, took out his lighter and lit it. His eyes half-lidded against the smoke, he said, "I ratted him out, Matt. My best friend, except it turns out he's not my friend, and now I went and ratted him out. I told Tim Pat how Bobby was the inside man, he set it up." He looked at me. "You think I'm a bastard?"
"I don't think anything."
"It was something I had to do."
"All right."
"But you can see I can't keep the money."
"Yeah, I guess I can see that."
"He could get out from under, you know. He's pretty good at squirming off the hook. The other night, Christ, he walked outta the office at my joint like he owned the place. The Actor, let's see him act his wayoutta this, huh?"
I didn't say anything.
"It could happen. He could pull it off."
"Could be."
He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I loved the man," he said. "I thought, I thought he loved me." He took a deep breath, let it out. "From here on in," he said, "I don't love nobody." He stood up. "I figure he's got a sporting chance, anyway. Maybe he'll get out of it."
"Maybe."
BUT he didn't. None of them did. By the weekend they had all turned up in the newspapers, Gary Michael Atwood, Lee David Cutler, Robert Joel Ruslander, all three found in different parts of the city, their heads covered with black hoods, their hands secured with wire behind their backs, each shot once in the back of the head with a. 25-caliber automatic. Rita Donegian was found with Cutler, similarly hooded and wired and shot. I guess she got in the way.
When I read about it I still had the money in the brown bank envelope. I still hadn't decided what to do with it. I don't know that I ever quite came to a conscious decision, but the following day I tithed five hundred dollars to the poor box at Saint Paul 's. I had, after all, a lot of candles to light. And some of the money went to Anita, and some went in the bank, and somewhere along the line it stopped being blood money and became, well, just money.
I figured that was the end of it. But I kept figuring that, and I kept being wrong.
THE call came in the middle of the night. I'd been asleep for a couple of hours but the phone woke me and I groped for it. It took me a minute to recognize the voice on the other end.
It was Carolyn Cheatham.
"I had to call you," she said, "on account of you're a bourbon drinker and a gentleman. I owed it to you to call you."
"What's the matter?"
"Our mutual friend ditched me," she said, "and he got me fired out of Tannahill amp; Co. so he won't have to look at me around the office. Once he didn't need me he just went and cut the string, and do you know he did it over the phone?"
"Carolyn-"
"It's all in the note," she said. "I'm leaving a note."
"Look, don't do anything yet," I said. I was out of bed, fumbling for my clothes. "I'll be right over. We'll sit down and talk about it."
"You can't stop me, Matthew."
"I won't try to stop you. We'll talk a little, and then you can do whatever you want to do."
The phone clicked in my ear.
I threw my clothes on, rushed over there, hoping it would be pills, something that took its time. I broke a small pane of glass in the downstairs door and let myself in, then used an old credit card to slip the bolt of her spring lock. If she had engaged the dead-bolt lock, I would have had to kick it in, but she hadn't, and that made it easier.