“It’s okay. It’s all right.” He petted her hair and kissed her brow, and oh.
There were the tears she’d been keeping in for all these years. Apparently, she’d been storing them up, because they flowed out of her like rain, sobs bubbling up with a kind of violence she hadn’t been prepared for.
She fisted her hand in his shirt, clinging on and crying against his chest. “I’m sorry.” She mumbled it, repeating it while he gentled her.
Wordlessly, he shifted his grip, holding her closer. “Shh.”
“I just—”
“I know.”
She lifted her head, and she was covered in tears and probably worse, but it couldn’t have been as bad as what she’d already shown him. “You didn’t need to see that.”
His smile was tiny and sad. All tenderness, he brushed the damp strands of her hair from her face. “I want to see whatever you’re willing to show me.”
“I tried to hit you.”
The corner of his mouth quirked up higher, a ghost of a grin she could almost believe. “Not very hard.”
He wasn’t exactly wrong about that, but still. She knew enough about what she was doing when it came to fighting; she could have done some damage if she’d really wanted to. He rubbed her spine, and unsure of what else to do, she gave in to it, dropping her head to rest against his chest again. The tears kept coming, but they were quieter now. The kind that she could breathe through. She took a few slow, shaking breaths.
When she opened her mouth again, the words tumbled out. “He didn’t even tell me he was coming.”
Adam’s hands only stuttered a little, a there and gone again flicker of hesitation before he returned to stroking across her shoulder blades. It loosed another shiver from her frame.
“Two years it’s been since I’ve seen him. Then he comes here, and he knew I’d be here. And he what? Surprises me?” She sniffled, dragging a hand under her nose. “If Dr. Galloway hadn’t interfered, maybe he could have avoided me entirely.”
“Maybe…” Adam trailed off. Because yeah. There weren’t really any good ways to spin this.
“And then the first thing he says is some shitty comment about what I’m wearing.”
Adam pressed his lips against her temple hard, his grip on her tightening. “Can I tell you a secret?”
She snorted half a laugh. “Sure. Why not?”
“I’ve never wanted to punch a person in the face as much as I did when he said that.”
And it was so strange—sure, he’d showed his strength a dozen times today, holding her up against a post with the force of his hips. Grabbing her fist before she could land a blow.
But the idea that he would have turned that power on someone else, taken the offensive—that he would’ve been willing to do it for her. The shattered edges inside her seemed to smooth over. Just a little.
“Really?” she asked.
“Say the word. I’ll go back and do it now.”
She shook her head, and her heart squeezed. As satisfying as that might be to see, “back” was the last place on earth she wanted to go.
Confession bloomed like blood from a wound. “I don’t know how I’m going to face him again.” She flattened her hand against his chest. “Everything had been going so well and—” And now it was all ruined.
“That doesn’t have to change.”
“Of course it does. He’s here, and I turn into a different person around him.”
She’d felt so open these past few days. This afternoon. Just thinking about trying to work around her father at the lab, worrying about running into him in the hall or the cafeteria or anywhere. It was a set of broad oak doors, slamming shut.
“Then I won’t let you.”
“Ha.” That was too much to hope for, wasn’t it?
“Come on. Saying no worked out okay today, didn’t it?”
Not at first it hadn’t. But eventually…
At her quiet, he pressed more kisses to her hairline. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, or be anybody you don’t want to be.”
“Hey. I really wanted to shove you away earlier.”
“No,” he said against her skin. “You didn’t.”
She didn’t have a reply for that.
So badly, she wanted to believe him. But what were a few words from a guy she’d only barely started seeing? What were a few weeks against the years and years of her life?
Everything, a quiet voice inside her said. But a louder, more familiar one insisted, Nothing.
Chapter Eighteen
Okay. This was not how Adam had pictured spending his evening.
And yet, as he rocked Jo in his arms, there beneath the open sky, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He wished he could’ve saved her the pain that’d had her sobbing, but…
She’d shown him something new tonight. Let him in.
Eventually. God. This could’ve gone so much worse. When he’d first tracked her down, she’d scared the shit out of him. There were a lot of things he was willing to endure for someone he cared about, but she’d been skirting a line. One he hadn’t been entirely sure they could recover from. He’d been skirting another one.
If he’d pushed her too far, insisting on following her… if she’d actually gone through with fighting him… or if he’d hurt her, trying to defend himself…
But no. He’d made the right call. She’d been scared and hurt and lashing out, and once she’d seen there wasn’t any point to it, that he wasn’t the enemy…
She’d fallen apart. How long had that been coming? She curled up against him, trembling and showing a depth of vulnerability he’d always known lurked somewhere under there, and it had broken his heart.
He had to force his hands to be gentle as he cupped her head and kept her close. Considering what she’d told him about her family, she wouldn’t have had any reason to expect someone to do this for her. To hold her while she cried. To comfort her with their touch.
It made the same anger that had almost overtaken him at the observatory rear up and growl. She deserved better than she’d gotten.
And she was going to get it. The fire inside him resolved into decision. He was going to take care of her. He was going to give her all the love and affection she’d been missing out on.
He didn’t know how long they sat there, but eventually her breathing seemed to settle back down, and she started fidgeting inside his arms. He patted her shoulder and loosened his grip, half bracing himself just in case. She’d let him awfully far behind her walls. He’d only be so surprised if she responded by building them up again, thicker and taller than ever before.
She took the slack he’d given her to sit up straighter, sliding off his lap to land beside him on the ground.
“Sorry,” she said, and he was prepared to tell her not to be. But she turned to look at him, her expression sheepish. “I could’ve picked a more comfortable place for my little meltdown.”
He rolled his eyes, striving for normalcy when all he wanted was to reel her back in. “Yeah. Plan ahead next time, would you?”
“Hopefully there won’t be a next time.”
He nudged his knee against hers. “But if there is. You know I’m here for you, right?”
This was it. The moment of truth.
And instead of pushing him away, she leaned into him. “Yeah. You’ve proven that much tonight.”
He let out his breath, flooded with relief. “Come on.” He stood up and held out his hand. “Let’s get you home.”
Placing her palm in his, she allowed him to help her up. They took a second to right themselves. When they were as put together as they were going to get, he stooped to grab their bags, then put his arm around her for the rest of the walk.