“How…” Her smile faltered, but for being smaller, it somehow got brighter. More real. “How I was sorry he’d never gotten to have the son he always wanted. Told him I knew I was a disappointment to him,” and didn’t that just gut Adam, that she could say that so blithely? “But that I was fine with it. I was done trying to please him or even care about what he thinks.”
Adam didn’t know what to say, so he clutched her closer and held on.
Something in her eyes went soft. “And he apologized.”
“Holy shit.”
“I know, right?” Stray drops of moisture beaded in her eyes but didn’t fall. Her lips curved up so hard it was like her face was about to crack. “Adam. He said he was proud of me.”
His own mouth drew into a grin. “I knew he would. Fucking hell, Jo, I’m so happy for you.”
She let go with one hand to brush the inside of her wrist across her eyes. “And we, like, talked. Nothing’s really fixed, you know, but it was just… good. Really good.”
“What did I tell you?”
“You were right,” she said. “About everything.”
With that, she latched back on and used her leverage to pull herself closer. She kissed him full on the mouth, a hard clack of teeth and the bite of her lip ring, and it was the best, most awful kiss he’d ever had.
She buried her face against his shoulder and squeezed him tight. “Thank you.”
He held her against him, reeling. It struck him like a blow—a vague, shapeless hint of a hope that somehow, maybe, despite all the obstacles, despite the way that time was running out on them… maybe…
Everything might work out all right.
Chapter Twenty-One
The day Jo’s father left, they had coffee again. She brought her data, and he brought his. She found two mistakes in a paper he was drafting, and he found none.
It might’ve been the best conversation they’d ever had.
At the end of it, he stood up and held out his hand. She took it, shook it twice. But when she went to pull away, he held on.
“This Christmas,” he said, looking past her. “The house is always open.”
She swallowed hard. “Are you cooking?”
“Dear Lord, no.”
She laughed, uncomfortable and uncertain. “I’ll think about it.”
“It’s all I can ask.”
With that, he let go of her hand. She stood there, watching as he walked away.
“You okay?” asked a voice from behind her.
She peeked over her shoulder, knowing full well who she would find. Once Adam was close enough, she leaned into him, letting her head fall back against his chest. “Yeah. I think I am.”
Wrapping his arms around her, Adam kissed her temple. “Good.”
He came up behind her again that night, while she was washing up for bed.
“What are you looking at?” he asked.
Jo leaned in closer to the mirror and ran her fingers through the streaks of fading blue. “It’s about time to redo it.”
Bright colors like hers always washed out faster than normal ones. Such a pain in the ass. She’d been neglecting it for a while now, but it was starting to look sort of sad.
“Do you have the stuff to touch it up?”
“I do.” She pulled the strands straight, then let them go.
“But?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I think I might be ready for a change.”
The package she ordered arrived a few days later, and she gave thanks to the modern miracle of Internet shopping and free shipping. She felt like kind of a dick, asking the five other girls she lived with if she could have the bathroom for a while. Barricading herself inside, she prepped the way she always did, greasing up her hairline and snapping the bottoms of a pair of gloves as she pulled them on.
Before she could get very far, a knock came on the door. She grimaced. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry, but can I sneak in?”
Yeah, sharing a single bathroom with that many women was an experience. She tugged off one of the gloves, turning it inside out in the hopes of being able to reuse it when she was done. She opened the door to find Carol standing outside.
“Sorry,” Carol said.
“No big.”
She stood outside with dye half applied to her hair while Carol did whatever she needed to. When Carol emerged, she gave Jo a considering look.
“Do you want any help with that?”
“I can do it myself.”
“I know you can.” Carol rolled her eyes. “But it can be annoying trying to make sure you’ve gotten everything if you can’t see. I don’t mind.”
Jo hesitated. A handful of weeks ago, she would’ve thrown Carol out without a second thought. But things were different now. Bracing herself, as if the offer were really a trick, she pulled out a fresh glove and handed it over. “If you really want to.”
Carol had Jo sit on the closed toilet seat and stood over her, working the pigment into her hair. As she did, she asked, “Is this stuff permanent?”
“Semi. Washes out in maybe a month or so?” Trying something new—especially on top of the other chemicals left over from her last color—Jo hadn’t wanted to take the risk.
“Do you think we could do a streak in mine?”
Jo managed not to jerk her head up. “You? Really?”
“I think it might look cool.”
With Carol’s fair hair, it would probably take. “Sure. I guess.”
Carol finished up Jo’s hair, and Jo tugged on the ever-attractive shower cap. Together, they picked out a lock of pale, blond hair. Jo scooped out some dye and hovered, her fingers just above the strand. “You absolutely certain about this?”
Carol took a deep breath and nodded decisively. “Yes.”
It didn’t take long to get the color worked in. Jo sectioned it off and secured it in plastic wrap, then hopped up to sit on the counter. “Now we wait.”
In the thirty minutes or so they had to kill, the better part of the household wandered by and ended up lingering around to chat. And it was… weird. Sitting in a bathroom in a shower cap, talking about nebulae and star clusters. An uncomfortable bubble of feeling rose up in her chest.
This was the astronomer-friendly version of girl time. Of friendship.
And she was a part of it.
Kim was the one to ask, “How much longer?”
Jo checked the clock on her phone. “About negative five minutes.”
“Oh shit.” Carol’s hands flew up to her head. “Is my hair going to burn off?”
“Hardly. This stuff is tame, don’t worry.”
They took turns rinsing it out. Someone produced a hair dryer—because blowing hot air at your head when it was a million degrees out was an awesome idea—and Jo almost balked. But it would be the fastest way to see how the color had come out…
Kim stole the dryer about three seconds into her attempt with it. “Hey!” Jo grabbed to take it back.
“Trust me. Let the professionals handle this.”
Jo grimaced, but she could admit when she was out of her depth. Kim did her work, and when she was done, Jo turned around to look.
“Oh, wow.” She reached up to touch the strands. The faded blue with the pink dye over it had come out a vivid purple.
“What do you think?” Carol asked, shouting over the sound of the blower as she worked on her own damp mess.
It was her best happy accident yet. “It’s perfect.”
When Adam came over later, he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of her. She crossed her arms in front of herself, holding her breath.
Not that she cared. A dude’s opinion was irrelevant. Even this dude’s.
But she wanted him to like it.
After a heart-stopping moment, he smiled. “I love it.”
Only, the way he was looking at her, the softness in his eyes…
It sounded like he was talking about more than her hair.
She forced a smile and uncrossed her arms, moving in close. Before he could say anything else, she kissed him.