I was pretty sure the act of “moping” required walking, and since I’d basically been confined to my bed for the last seven days, I could swear none of that had been going on.
Indy yanked the comforter back just as hard. “Yes, you are moping, and yes, you are getting out of this bed. It’s been seven days. Enough already.”
So maybe Indy and I dealt with our pain differently. She went out, partied it out of her system.
I wallowed in it.
“It’s not enough when it still hurts.”
Sympathy softened her face when I reluctantly peeked up at her. She ran her fingers through my tangled hair. I hadn’t washed it in days. “I know, sweetie. But I can’t let you stay in here any longer. It’s unhealthy. Besides, the big game is tonight and Courtney wants all of us to come into Gruby’s. Her friend Amber has a table reserved for us and everything. It’ll be fun . . . take your mind off him for a while.”
I was certain it would most definitely not be fun, and even more assuredly it would do nothing to rid my mind of what plagued it.
Darryn.
I loved him and hated him, those two emotions all balled up into a big old mess of emotion that sat like a gloomy lump right smack in the center of my chest.
I still couldn’t make sense of it, why he would lie, other than the truth that he was playing the exact same game Hunter had been. I couldn’t believe he even knew him. Associated with him. They’d been friends. That in itself felt like the worst kind of betrayal. That every time he’d held me . . . kissed me . . . just months before he’d been sitting around a table with Hunter while he plotted the demise of my innocence.
“Come on, babe. Get up. Take a shower. You’ll feel so much better after you do. I promise we won’t stay long, but I can’t let you lie around like this any longer. You wouldn’t let me do it, so unless you want me to drag your ass out of that bed by force, you need to get up.”
I tossed the covers aside. “Fine.”
Indy grinned. “See, that wasn’t so hard.”
Uh, yes, it was. She had no clue.
My entire body ached when I rolled over to the edge of my bed and placed my feet on the floor. I gathered a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom. I turned the faucet as hot as it would go and let the tiny room fill up with steam that I breathed in, hoping the warmth could chase the cold from my soul.
I stayed in the shower for too long, until my skin was red and shriveled and I had a very irate roommate pounding on the other side of the door.
“I didn’t pull you from one hiding spot to let you sneak off to another. Get out of the shower. We’re leaving in five minutes.”
Shaking my head, I turned off the faucet and climbed from the shower, toweled off, and halfheartedly dressed.
Ha.
Halfheartedly.
Not even close.
None of my heart was in this.
But I guessed I had little choice in the matter.
Indy banged at the door again.
I went back into my room and shoved my feet in a pair of boots, glancing out at the waning day through the slats in my window. The sky was filled with winter clouds that had taken over Michigan the last two days, the approaching twilight just as dreary as I felt.
I hauled myself out of my room and downstairs. “Fine, I’m ready.”
Chloe, Indy, and I pulled on jackets and filed out the door onto the sidewalk. I struggled to keep up with them as they chatted and laughed, feeling none of the excitement that poured from them as they talked about the game going on tonight and how cool it was our football team was so close to winning the championships. Tonight’s away game would be broadcast live on cable, which of course Gruby’s would be playing proudly tonight.
Rain threatened and teased, spitting little droplets of water that chilled me all the way to my bones. Warily, I peeked up at the sky, my face immediately pelted with stinging dots of frigid water.
Great.
It had just started to really rain by the time we made it to the sports bar. We rushed inside with our heads ducked, pulled our wet jackets off, and shook them out as we stepped up to the hostess station.
Amber, Courtney’s friend, saw us from across the room, and she wove through the overflowing crowd, the dim-lit room so thick with bodies that people stood along the walls and gathered in groups around tables.
“There you guys are! Courtney has been waiting for you.” She grinned and grabbed some menus. “Come on, I have you in my section.”
We followed her, and I kept my head down, no longer feeling that ease that I’d so foolishly given myself over to in the last two months, thinking that no one here knew my face. It’d only been proven last week by the jerk who’d accosted me outside my building. All week I hadn’t made it to class, unable to face what was waiting for me outside the doors. If someone confronted me about it again? I wouldn’t know how to survive it.
But Indy was right. I couldn’t just keep hiding. That was the girl I’d been my entire life. Always seeking out the places where I felt most comfortable. Taking paths with the least risk. Doing everything in my power to shy away from anything that would make me nervous or apprehensive.
No doubt what I was feeling now was much more than just unease.
This was physical pain, pain that had been inflicted cruelly, everything about it unfair.
But what could I do short of running back to my parents?
That was no longer an option.
I settled into one of the barstools at the high round table, and accepted the menu from Amber. “Thank you.”
“No problem,” she said, “just let me know what you guys want. The kitchen is pretty backed up since it’s so busy, but I’ll try to get a rush on it.”
Mumbling another quiet thank-you, I turned to study the menu. I hadn’t eaten in days, and my body felt weak. Tired. I knew it was about time I started to pick up the pieces and took care of myself.
Darryn had destroyed something deep inside and I needed to figure out how to begin fixing it.
I suppressed my mocking laughter, all of it aimed at myself.
Darryn the Destroyer.
Some fairy tale he’d turned out to be.
Turned out he’d been sent to ruin another piece of me.
My chest tightened as sadness pooled in my belly. And that was the truth of it. It made me sad, because I missed him. Missed his face, missed all that arrogance that endeared him to me, the way he joked and laughed. Most of all, I missed the way he’d made me feel.
Sighing, I shoved it off and forced myself to try and enjoy the time with my friends. We ordered, and Amber brought me a beer that I had no stomach for. Still I sipped at it and tried to relax in the boisterous mood of the bar, the lights dimmed and the huge television screens streaming the game. Cheers rang out, everyone there to support our team. People would jump to their feet and grip their heads on the tricky plays and boo when our team fumbled or the vying team gained on them.
No one even seemed to know I was there. I’d disappeared. Become invisible. Just like I wanted to be. I let my mind wander with the noise, and I sank into the first calm I’d felt in days.
“Well, look who’s here.” The voice came from behind, just at my shoulder. It sent fear slicking icy tendrils down my spine, leaving a frozen path in its wake.
I shook and a knot formed in my throat. I hadn’t seen him since that night when I found out what he’d done, when I’d confronted him, trying to be brave when all I’d felt like was a stupid little girl.
All I wanted was to curl into a ball under the table.
Instead I sat stock-still, all except for the rush of goose bumps that lifted in warning on my neck when his vile presence encroached on me from behind. Something triggered my senses, and I was assaulted by memories of the smell in his room, ones I could only attribute to Hunter. Something threatening—vulgar and depraved. It flooded my nostrils and manifested as nausea in my stomach.