Never again would I allow myself to fall prey to a guy like that. Lesson learned—the hard way.
I ascended the five wooden steps to the covered porch, my suitcases bouncing as I dragged them up behind me. I let them go and hugged Indy.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispered near my ear.
I squeezed her tighter, sad the two of us were sharing in some kind of brokenhearted kinship.
“I’m so sorry to hear about Dean,” I mumbled into her shoulder.
“Me, too.” She pulled away, swiping away a tear. She gestured toward the door. “Come on, let’s get your stuff inside and then we need to catch up.”
I followed her through the front door. Inside, the main room was cramped with three couches. We spent a lot of time here, watching TV, lounging, and talking, sometimes studying, and this was where our friends hung out when they came over.
One of our other roommates, Chloe, sat on one of the couches, typing furiously on her laptop. She glanced up, squealed when she saw me in the doorway. “You’re back!”
She set her laptop aside and hopped up to welcome me.
I hugged her. “Thanks for letting me come back.”
“Pshh . . .” She smiled a playful smile, waves of her short blond hair swishing around her face. “Like we wanted to go through the trouble of looking for a new roommate.”
Courtney, the last of my roommates, ducked her head through the opening to the kitchen. “Misha’s back!” Her statement was no question, but tossed out in a loud greeting. “You don’t know how glad I am that Indy was able to drag you back here where you belong.”
There was no question they were working to play it light, to pretend like this heaviness didn’t surround me, like tears wouldn’t fall at the drop of a dime or at the mention of his name.
“I’m glad to be back,” I forced myself to say, doing my best to make it the truth. I smiled softly at them all. “I’m going to go upstairs and get settled.”
Courtney nodded. “Just let us know if you need anything. Indy and I are making drinks. We require your presence in . . .” She studied her watchless wrist. “Oh . . . two point five minutes.”
I giggled, feeling another flare of redness seep to my cheeks, and I self-consciously blew back a thick black curl that had fallen in my face. “How about five?”
“Deal.”
I headed upstairs. On each side of the hall were two doors, four bedrooms taking up the second floor. Straight back at the end of the hall was a bathroom and a door to the side that led up to the open attic. We’d stuffed it full of pillows of every size, the floor just one huge, soft, squishy mess. I loved to escape to its quiet sanctuary, to maybe get lost in a book, to set myself free in my imagination.
After Hunter, I was sure I’d be hiding out up there a lot, stowed and locked away from all the things I didn’t want to face.
Sadness swallowed me when I opened the second door on the right and let myself into my small room. Everything was how I’d left it, minus the pictures I’d torn from the walls and the belongings I’d shoved into plastic bags that night three months ago when I left as quickly as I could, completely broken and having no clue how I’d go on, sure I would never come back to this place I loved.
Standing in the silence of my room, I made a resolution that I now would go on.
And I’d never allow myself to be so vulnerable again.
chapter two
Misha
Sucking in a steadying breath, I hiked my backpack higher up on my shoulders. My hand fluttered on the front doorknob. The cool metal beneath my palm passed through me like some kind of warning I couldn’t shake.
My first class of the semester started in an hour. I knew I had to make it out this door, hold my chin up, and face the world that I . . . well . . . the world I really didn’t want to face.
But I hadn’t come back here to be a coward, to become some kind of pathetic, reclusive girl who holed herself up in her room like I’d been doing since I came back to this house three days ago. I hated feeling like this, my heart all twisted up in my ribs, pounding so hard I was pretty sure I could see it beating under my shirt. Nerves wobbled my legs, my breaths heaving as they panted in and out of my parted lips.
I can do this.
I forced myself to turn the knob and stepped out onto the covered porch. The soles of my shoes thudded on the wooden floor, echoing as I propelled myself across the deck.
I can do this, I chanted over and over, my lips moving without sound as I studied my feet.
At the edge of the porch, I stepped down onto the top step and into the light. The light I hadn’t seen in days, my blinds drawn and my room cloaked in shadows for too long, the overbearing darkness filling me with melancholy and fear and questions of whether I really should have returned.
Now rays of shimmering sunlight beat down, wrapping me up in a soft hug of warmth, embracing my pale skin. Goose bumps lifted on my arms as the days I’d spent in dread seemed to clash with the greeting of the sun.
I lifted my face to the sky, my eyes dropping closed as I relished the sweet feel of the cool breeze and warm sun that tickled gentle fingers of comfort across my face.
And I stood in awed welcome of the day.
Winter would be here soon enough, ushering in the cold. This beautiful day was a stark reminder that I couldn’t allow Hunter to steal the best of life from me. Hiding in my room just meant I was again allowing him to take another piece of myself by giving in to the worry and questions.
I pulled the deepest breath into the well of my lungs. Clean, crisp air filled me up like a soothing balm that could be inhaled, a tangible solace that could be tucked somewhere deep inside myself, becoming a vital piece of who I was.
Something I hadn’t felt in so long stirred in my heart. A swirl of joy blossomed in my belly, sending a swell of appreciation right along with it. A feeling that everything might just be okay quietly slipped through my body on a hushed wave.
“I can do this,” I whispered again, only this time I uttered it aloud, the encouragement ringing through my ears to give a boost of confidence to my downtrodden spirit.
This time I believed it.
Slowly my eyes blinked open to the bright blue canopy above, and I shook myself off, skipped down the steps. I headed down the walkway leading away from the house, my face downturned and focused on my white canvas shoes.
Awareness prickled along my spine, lifting the hairs at the nape of my neck. On its own accord, my head drifted to the side where the upheaval of energy radiated, barreling into every last one of my senses.
I slowed to a stop.
It was doubtful anything in this world could have forced me to keep walking.
My lips parted in surprise, and a little “Oh” dropped from my mouth. My heart stuttered and all the heat of the sun landed square on my face, my cheeks flaming so hot I felt it burn somewhere in my stomach.
In the driveway next door sat a car I’d never seen before, one I didn’t recognize, one there was no question I would have remembered had it ever appeared in my sight. It was completely blacked out . . . all of it . . . the windows and the wheels and the body. It looked fast and dangerous and set off all kinds of bells in my head, every last one of them screaming a blaring warning.
Trouble.
But the car wasn’t what had me trapped. It was the guy tucked under the hood, hovering over the powerful engine, who had frozen me to the spot. The guy braced the wide span of his arms over the entirety of it, holding himself up and craning his head to the side as he stared across the short distance at me. The shaggy thatch of dark brown hair that flopped over his forehead did nothing to obstruct the unsettling intensity of his hazel eyes. Even in the space between us, I knew they were mostly green, but the sun caught flecks of gold that made them seem to glimmer with mischief.