Dear Audrey,
I hope this finds you well in Arizona. (Utah? New Mexico? All Warren said is you’re in the desert at a motel without cell reception or email, darn you!)
I’m not sure how much news of the past month has reached you, so I’ll start from the beginning.
As you suspected, long before even I did, Elgie and I were developing a strong bond on Samantha 2. It started, for my part, as an admiration for his genius, then blossomed into much more as he confided in me about his abusive marriage.
The eighth graders are reading Shakespeare, and one of Lincoln’s assignments is to memorize a soliloquy. (Tell that to Kyle. He’ll be thrilled he’s no longer at Galer Street!) Lincoln was given a speech from Othello, where the Moor defends the improbable love he and Desdemona share. It’s me and Elgie in a nutshell.
She loved me for the dangers I had passed
And I loved her that she did pity them.
Shakespeare always puts it best, doesn’t he?
You know that Bernadette disappeared from a drug intervention at her house. Everyone’s first concern was that the Russian Mafia had gotten in and kidnapped her. However, we soon learned the Russians had been apprehended switching planes in Dubrovnik. That made the FBI and the police vanish almost as quickly as Bernadette!
Elgie and Bee did not go to Antarctica after all. Elgie had to be treated for a corneal abrasion, and he received stitches on his eyelid. After seventy-two hours, he filed a missing-persons report. To this day, there’s still no news of Bernadette.
If you ask me, she was swallowed up by the ghosts of the Straight Gate girls. Did you know Straight Gate wasn’t just a “school for wayward girls”? It was a place to lock up pregnant girls, and illegal abortions were performed in the basement. And this was where Bernadette chose to raise a baby daughter?
I digress.
Elgie had made contingency plans to send Bee to boarding school in January. Once Bernadette disappeared, he assumed she wouldn’t want to go. But Bee insisted.
I asked Elgie to move in, but he still prefers a hotel, which I respect. Lucky me, I have that big dopey dog of theirs, who runs around day and night whimpering for Bernadette, dripping water on everything.
Elgie suggested I look for a bigger house on Queen Anne, which he would pay for. Then Lincoln got accepted to Lakeside. (Oh, did I tell you? We got accepted to Lakeside!) Since Lakeside was going to be the center of our lives for the next four years, I thought, What’s keeping us on Queen Anne anyway? Why not Madison Park? It’s closer to Lakeside. It’s closer to Microsoft. Elgie said fine, as long as the house requires no construction.
I found the most beautiful home, right across from Lake Washington, a charming Craftsman, the one that used to belong to Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. Lincoln’s stock has zoomed up at school, that’s for sure!
I quit Microsoft, and thank God. There’s about to be another huge reorg. Yes, so soon! Of course, Samantha 2 is protected, but still, Microsoft is not a fun place to be right now. Productivity grinds to a halt with all the rumors.
Upon rereading this letter, I fear it’s in terribly bad taste, considering where you are. Where is that, anyway?! How is Kyle? I hope you can be happy for me.
Love,
Soo-Lin
SATURDAY, JANUARY 15
Fax from Audrey Griffin
Dear Soo-Lin,
Congratulations on your newfound happiness. You’re a wonderful person, and you deserve all the joy your new life has brought to you. May it continue.
I have found serenity myself, in Utah, where Kyle is in wilderness rehab. He’s a drug addict and has been diagnosed with ADHD and borderline personality disorder.
We found a wonderful, if arduous, immersion program. The reason we chose Utah is because it’s the only state that by law essentially allows you to kidnap your child, so they specialize in these wilderness programs. On the first day, they drove Kyle and a group of kids, blindfolded, twenty miles out into the middle of the desert and dumped them without sleeping bags, food, toothbrushes, or tents, and told them they’d be back for them in a week.
It’s not like a reality television show where there are cameras and everyone is being watched. No. These kids are forced to cooperate in order to survive. Many of them, like Kyle, were coming off drugs cold turkey.
Of course, I was terrified. Kyle is incapable of doing anything for himself. You remember those calls when we were having girls’ night out. “Mom, the remote is out of batteries.” And I’d leave early to go to the store to get him more? How would he survive seven days in the desert? Or worse, I looked around at the other mothers, and I thought, My son is going to kill one of your children.
After a week, the kids were rounded up and brought back to the rehab center. Kyle came back alive, ten pounds lighter, smelling to high heaven, and a tiny bit meek.
Warren returned to Seattle, but I couldn’t. I checked into a motel that makes the Westin look like the Taj Mahal. The soda machines are covered with metal grating. The sheets were so scratchy, I drove a hundred miles to the nearest Walmart and bought cotton ones.
I started going to Al-Anon meetings, ones that specialize in parents whose kids have substance-abuse problems. I have come to accept that my life has become unmanageable. I always went to church, but this program is deeply spiritual in a way I’ve never before experienced. I’ll leave it at that.
Truthfully, I’m afraid of going back to Seattle. Gwen Goodyear has generously offered to take Kyle back at Galer Street after spring break and let him make up his credits over the summer so he can graduate with his class. But I’m not sure I want to go back just yet. I’m not the same woman who wrote that foolish Christmas poem. At the same time, I’m not sure who I am. I trust God to guide me.
That is very upsetting news about Bernadette. I know she’ll turn up. She always has a trick up her sleeve, doesn’t she?
Love,
Audrey
SUNDAY, JANUARY 16
From: Soo-Lin
To: Audrey Griffin
Audrey! I’m in the middle of the most horrific nightmare!! I should write to a fellow VAVite. I can’t pecause my labtob with all my addresses is dead, and yours is the only email address I know by heart. I’m in an Internet café in South America, and this keypoard is so dirty and sticky and HORRIPLE and the P makes a B and the B makes a P and the comma sticks and you have to immediately hit packsbace or else the whole email will pe commas! I’d fix the p’s and b’s put they’re charging me py the minute and they don’t take credit cards and I had only 20 besos. I’m on a timer and this HUNK OF JUNK combuter shuts off in 2 minutes. I don’t want Elgie to know I snuck out so I’m going to tell you as much as I can pefore my money runs out.
They found her!!! They found Pernadette!!!! Yesterday a charge for $1300 from the Antarctic cruise combany showed ub on Elgie’s Visa card. Elgie called the travel agent, who confirmed it. Pernadette went to Antarctica without them!!! Her credit card was on file,, and pecause the trip was ending, her card was charged for the incidentals, so Elgie was alerted. The travel agent said the shib was at that very moment heading into the Drake Bassage, returning from Antarctica, and it would land in Ushuaia, Argentina, in 24 hours! Elgie called me and I got us two tickets to go down.
Audrey,, I’m bregnant!!!! Yes, I’m carrying Elgie’s child. I wasn’t going to tell you or anyone pecause I’m 40 and it’s a geriatric bregnancy. Elgie knows of course and that’s really why I quit my job, so I wouldn’t have any added stress and that’s also why Elgie is puying a house, not for me and him to live habbily ever after, HA HA HA, like I wish, put for his new papy!!! Now that Pernadette is pack in the bicture, what will habben to me? I should have never quit MS! I’m a fool! I was living in a fantasy pupple, stubidly pelieving Elgie and me and the kids would live habbily ever after. What will I do for money? Pernadette hates me. You should have heard the mean things she said to me. I’m terrified of her. She’s a witch. I’m in a state of total banic. Elgie doesn’t want me here. He almost died when he found out I was coming to Ushuaia,, too. He didn’t realize I was getting myself a ticket. What was he going to do, turn down the woman who is carrying his papy? Ha ha, no. I’m in Ushuaia, that’s where I am now, writing on this HORRIPLE KEYPOARD!!!!!! I must must must pe right there standing by Elgie’s side when Pernadette gets off that shib tomorrow. If HE doesn’t tell her I’m bregnant, you petter pelieve I will and