Where There's a Will

"This is dandy," I asserted, rubbing my hands with pleasure. "Jellied consomme and a good big "waldorf salad and iced tea and these cute little wafer things--" "Good God," he muttered, stupefied. e It was from purely selfish motives that I went downstairs myself and found somebody and requisitioned a pair of lamb chops and a pot of coffee. The trays were empty, and Volte was sipping the last of the coffee, which I admit wasn't hot enough, in gloomy dissatisfaction, when the door opened and Inspector Cramer entered. "How-do-you-do, sir," Wolfe snapped. "I'm busy." "So I hear." Cramer crossed to a chair and sat down, got out a cigar and stuck it in his mouth, and took it out again. His big phiz was redder even than usual, from the heat. He observed, as if passing the time of day, "I understand you're working for Mr. Dunn." 132 WHERE THERE'S A WILL Wolfe grunted offensively. "He had a rotten lunch," I explained. Cramer nodded. "So did I. At a drugstore counter." He surveyed Wolfe. ^You look about the way I feel. I hate these damn high-life mix-ups. The lousy politicians. Every time you turn around you see a stop sign. I've got a message for you from the commissioner." Wolfe just grunted again. Cramer jut his cigar between his teeth and said, "Maybe you've heard of him, Police Commissioner Hombert. He wants you to understand that there's to be no publicity on this thing until he says so. He also says that you're so intelligent it will be easy for you to appreciate the necessity for a lot of discretion in a case like this, involving the people it does, and that naturally you'll co-operate with me. For instance, if you were to tell me what that mob was doing in your office yesterday, we'd call that cooperation." "Ask them," Wolfe suggested. "I have. They're pretty remarkable. Most of them seem to be nearly as eccentric as you are. Except Mrs. Dunn, she's fairly levelheaded, and Prescott the lawyer. Prescott told me about the will. They say they went to ask you to take it up with Miss Karn and come to an understanding with her. Since when have you been a board of arbitration?" WHERE THERE^S A WILL 133 "Wolfe muttered, "Go ahead. Come to the point." "I will. Is that what they went to your office for? To get you to make a deal with Miss Karn?" "Yes." "But you had Miss Karn right there, didn't you? By the way, you might have told me who she was when I asked you, but I suppose that would be too much to expect. Anyway, these people have all got tongues in their heads, and they had their lawyer along. What was it they wanted you to do that they couldn't do themselves?" Wolfe shrugged. "They had been informed that I am able, astute, discreet and unscrupulous." "Hell, I could have told them that." Cramer removed his cigar from his mouth and studied the tip of it. "I've been trying to figure out what they needed you for when they already had a good lawyer. I like things to be plausible. What if they suspected Miss Karn had murdered Hawthorne, and they wanted you to sort of collect evidence and put it in shape? That would be a good job for a detective. Then Miss Karn could sign an agreement to let them have the dough, or most of it, and you could decide the evidence wasn't good enough to Justify accusing her of murder. So everybody would be satisfied, except maybe Hawthorne, but he was dead. How do you like that way of figuring it?" FR1;134 WHERE THERE'S A WILL "I think it's clumsy," said "Wolfe judiciously. "If they regarded me as capable of compromising with a murderer, they would also have thought it likely that I would retain the evidence and blackmail them the rest of their lives. Not to mention the detail that they weren't aware Hawthorne had been murdered. You saw their shock and surprise when you told them he had." "Yeah, I saw that. They certainly were shocked." "Indeed they were." Wolfe frowned. "Then aren't you supporting the theory that Hawthorne was killed because he had ruined Mr. Dunn's career with that Argentina loan business? I thought you fellows had that all cooked and ready to serve." "I'm not a cook, I'm a cop. If anybody uses this murder to grease someone's pants, it won't be me. I'm supposed to be looking for a murderer. From what Dunn tells me, so are you." "I am." "Okay. Let's find him or her. I'm going to be frank with you. I like the idea of Miss Karn. Personally. You don't need to tell Skinner that. She inherits seven million dollars, and there have been plenty of murders for a hell of a lot less than that. Since she was intimate with Hawthorne, of course she knew where he was going that day and who would be there. She drives a car. She went there to get him, probably with a gun. She went there to FR1;WHERE THERE^S A WILL 135 do it because she knew there were a dozen people there who would be good suspects for one reason or another. She had a piece of luck and saw him from the road, there by the edge of the woods, with a shotgun. She walked across the field and chinned with him, maneuvered him around to the corner of the woods that can't be seen from the road, made some excuse to get hold of the shotgun, and killed him. She didn't even have to use her own weapon. Then she wiped the shotgun with a bunch of grass, put his prints on it, and beat it." Wolfe grumbled, "Anyone of a million people could have done all t]^at." "Uh-huh. But it only took one to do it. I'm enthusiastic about the idea of Miss Karn, especially after the talk I had with her this morning. Of course I'm not subtle like you, but I know a twolegged female tiger when I see one. She's a dangerous baby, that Karn woman is. It's in her eyes. Incidentally, you can have this for nothing, she has no alibi for Tuesday afternoon. She thinks she has, but that kind is two for a nickel." The inspector lowered his chin and elevated his cigar. "Now just suppose. Andy Dunn and the Fleet girl, and Dunn himself and that Stauffer, Were the first ones at the scene when the body was found. Suppose they looked around out of curiosity and one of them found something. A lady's comFR1;136 WHERE THERE'S A WILL pact or a pack of cigarettes or a handkerchief-- anything. Maybe they knew it belonged to Miss Karn and maybe not. Maybe Stauffer did--he knows her. Maybe they just decided to ditch it on general principles, thinking no lady should be involved. Then they got a sock in the eye when the will was read. The whole pile, except a measly half million, to Miss Karn! So they put their heads together, and if you ask me, Prescott was in it too. But it was too ticklish for him to handle it himself. They went to you and showed you the compact or whatever it was. Maybe they already knew it belonged to Miss Karn, or maybe it was part of your job to prove that. Anyhow you were to put the screws on her. "And now that the murder's out, where are they and where are you? They can't open the bag even if they wanted to, without admitting that they concealed knowledge of a crime and evidence of it. And they wouldn't want to even if they could, because if she was tried and convicted the estate would be divided by the court, and if she was tried and acquitted it would all be hers and they could whistle. Don't you think that's logical?'* Wolfe nodded. "Perfect," he declared. "I congratulate you. I don't see a loophole in it anywhere. Did you suppose all that without any help?'* "I did. For help I'm coming to you. Here I am FR1;WHERE THERE^S A WILL 137 and there it is. I'm making you a proposition. Cough it up, and get them to do the same, and I guarantee no trouble and no publicity on that angle of it for anybody concerned. I guarantee to handle Skinner. I realize you'll have to consult them first, and I'll give you until nine o'clock tomorrow morning." Wolfe said in a silky voice, "It's regrettable. Nearly every order you place with me is for something I haven't in stock. Good day, sir. Archie--" "Wait a minute." Cramer's eyes had narrowed. "This time you're going to lose. This time, thank God, I've got more than you to work on. I can crack one or more of that outfit wide open, and I'm going to. Then you know where you'll be. I've come to you with an absolutely fair offer--" "You've charged me," Wolfe snapped, "with being a knave and a nincompoop. Good day, sir.'* "I'll give you until--" "Don't give me anything. I don't want it." "You're a damn bullheaded boob." Inspector Cramer got up and walked out of the room. Wolfe winced when the door slammed. "It's a funny thing and a sad thing," I observed, "that the purer our motives are, the worse insults we get. Do you remember the time--" "That will do, Archie. Get Mrs. Hawthorne." I groaned. "I don't want her." FR1;138 WHERE THERE'S A WILL "I do. Get her." I departed. In the hall I met the maid coming to get our trays, and she informed me that Mrs. Hawthorne's apartments were on the floor above, so I sought the stairs and mounted another flight. I knocked on the right door if the maid knew what she was talking about, the third time good and loud, but with no result. Ordinarily I would have opened the door for a look, but I didn't like the errand I was on anyway, so I moved on to the next one and tried that. No go. I ventured across the hall and tapped on another one, beyond which there seemed to be a faint hum of voices, received an invitation to come in, pushed it open and entered.