“Getting an exclusive news story was your job, wasn’t it, Jack?”
“Yes…, initially, I was assigned to cover the peace negotiations, then Kelshaw came along and I saw it as an opportunity.”
“You acted as any good correspondent should, so blaming yourself is a fruitless exercise,” Ben said gently, and asked, “You got your exclusive story?”
“I guess I did,” Jack responded.
“Can you talk about what happened to you as a prisoner?” Ben pressed gently.
“It wasn’t just what happened to me, Father, but what happened to Kelshaw and others.”
Jack recounted the days and weeks in captivity. Then he spoke of George’s disappearance and how glad he was to eventually learn that George had survived.
“When were you released?” Father Ben asked.
“They didn’t release me, Father; I was rescued by the Hmongs, Vang Pao’s people. I don’t remember the rescue. The last I knew I was in a pit in the camp and I woke up in a hospital in a place called Long Tieng. One of the Hmong who stayed with me told me that George had survived, but that he was still a prisoner. Vang Pao had people watching and tracking where he was. I think they planned to rescue him if they could.
“Long Tieng was a strange place. I knew there were Americans there, I was treated by American doctors who patched me up… I guess I was in bad shape. But they really didn’t want to talk to me or answer questions other than about my medical condition. They didn’t even want me to go outside of the building when I was able. I’m sure they knew I was a correspondent.
“I heard lots of aircraft landing and taking off I knew it had to be American planes, but I didn’t encounter one other American until they moved me out to Vientiane; then I saw a pilot and crew. Long Tieng was a secret airbase of some sort, probably CIA. A lot of the Hmongs would come in to see me and they were the only ones who tried to communicate with me.
“The last day there, General Vang Pao himself came to see me and tell me they would continue to track Kelshaw and the other prisoners. I found out that this place was also his headquarters. He told me then that the Pathet Lao was slowly getting closer and that Long Tieng may have to be abandoned. He didn’t volunteer any information and for once, I didn’t ask.
“Vang Pao told me that he would get word through to Kelshaw that I was safe and he also assured me that I would continue to get reports on Kelshaw through his people after I got back to Vientiane. That was important; Kelshaw and I had an agreement that I would send any information from him to Neil Klein. That was the agreement and I intended to keep it even if it was only to say he was still alive!”
Father Ben had listened intently and when Jack paused he interjected, “Let’s go back to your time as a prisoner, Jack, you went through some terrible experiences, are those memories what it is that is eating you up inside?”
“I’m not sure what’s eating me up, Father. Maybe it is… I don’t know,” Jack said ponderously. “I had always looked at war as a bystander… trying to remain above it all, neutral and objective. I did my job, wrote the stories, covered battles and events, sometimes barely getting away by the skin of my teeth. I always believed that I had to be dispassionate in order to present things in a true light. All that changed when we were captured. I realized how frightened I was… and that maybe the reason I had viewed myself as a bystander was that I was really a coward.”
Ben shook his head no, but allowed Jack to continue.
“When we were captured I found myself in hell and what was worse, because of me, Kelshaw was in a deeper hell than I and I couldn’t do anything about it. No amount of dispassionate explaining or neutrality made the slightest difference. I encountered men who were not just soldiers fighting for a cause, but men who hated so much! And the hate didn’t stop with us as Americans it was directed at their own countrymen.
“I don’t know what I feared more; whether I was afraid of what would happen to George and me personally, or knowing that my life, or whatever was left of it, was in the control of men with so much hate! That’s when I saw the others, prisoners, some of them Americans, who had been there for months maybe even years; some were barely alive and surviving in such terrible conditions and I got sick.
“I asked myself how, with all of the lessons in the history of the world, can there be such savagery left in we Homo sapiens? How can men who call themselves civilized, treat each other like that, Father?” Jack asked angrily.”
Ben shook his head in silence at the anguish that Jack was reliving, but he said nothing as Jack continued.
“You know what, Father? I learned to match their hatred; I, Jack Hubbard, objective Jack Hubbard, came to hate them just as much, maybe more! It was my passionate desire to literally see them burn in hell and never… ever…, receive any mercy from anyone. That was how I survived; it was the only way I could,” Jack’s intensity was mounting.
“And now when I think about it, it’s like a black hole inside my gut; I always thought I was better than that, but I’m not. You see, Father, deep down, I still hate them! And there isn’t enough booze in the world to make it go away!” Tears were running down Jack’s face as he struggled to regain his self control.
Father Ben’s hand was on Jack’s shoulder, “I can see, my friend, the terrible war you fight within yourself for having such feelings. It may surprise you to know that even I, a priest, am sometimes only one prayer away from many of the same emotions.”
“You, Father? How do you…”
Father Ben answered Jack’s partially asked question. “Forgive yourself, my son; you must; the best part of you resists the hate or you would not inwardly struggle so.
“Many of us constantly fight the dark side of our humanity, but we can only overcome it if we face it and recognize that it is there. Forgiveness is the only way we can survive our world and ourselves. That’s why our Lord talked about it so much; He knew we had to operate in forgiveness.
“Jack, there are lessons to be learned, even from the most terrible circumstances. I believe that you will never again look at war or brutality as a bystander. I am sure you know there are no bystanders in life.”
Jack sat silent for a short time then nodded his head as he weighed the words of the priest. Taking a deep breath and exhaling he said with some uncertainty, “Perhaps you’re right, Father Ben; you have given me something to think about. Maybe talking with you has helped. Thank you,”
“My door is open whenever you want to talk, Jack,” Ben offered.
Early Monday afternoon Andrew was mulling over the discovery of Lyle Ramsey’s private telephone number turning up in Monte Maxwell’s possession as he dialed Neil Klein’s number.
He was relieved to hear Neil answer on the second ring. “Klein”
“Neil, this is Andrew; I know you’ve already talked with Savalza about the explosion, but we have a new development that may help the investigation.”
“Yes, Andrew I have spoken with Savalza; actually I was about to call and see how you and Charlene Thayer are doing. What is this new development?”
“A telephone number was found in one of Detective Maxwell’s pockets. What makes it so intriguing is that the number is the private line of one of the principals of a powerful law firm here in Seattle, that of Ramsey & Carr. The number is that of Lyle Ramsey.
“If you recall you told me that you were sure that someone large and local was watching the handling of the Kelshaw murder? It occurs to me that the firm of Ramsey & Carr and Lyle Ramsey fit that category.”
“Yes, I do remember and it is intriguing. Ramsey & Carr is a large well known firm that handles a lot of government contracts; they have offices here in D.C. although they’re headquartered in Seattle. They are also in New York and San Francisco and I believe they have overseas representatives in Tokyo. Yes, Andrew I would definitely say that they would fit the category of ‘large and local’”