“It’s okay,” she said, sniffling back her tears. “It’s been three years. I need to move on. I need to not let it upset me all the time.”
“You can’t help the way you feel,” I said, placing my hand on her thigh. I wanted to be there for her. I wanted her to know that she could talk to me about anything, even if it was painful for the both of us.
“Thank you,” she said, finally looking over at me again. “I promise not to be such a Debbie Downer. Sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere.”
Like an almost mother-in-law in the grocery store. This entire town was probably one big reminder for her.
I nodded. At that moment, it was all I could do for her.
The phone rang twice before my sister picked up. “Hey G! How are you?”
“Confused,” I said immediately. Not having my sister in our house was making my life tough. I had no one to talk to and right then I needed her. I dropped Brett and the groceries off at his house and promised to come back after class to cook him dinner. I needed a breather after seeing Jamie’s mom in the grocery store. Or better yet, after having Jamie’s mom see me cozied up to some guy that wasn’t her son.
I’ve never been so hot and cold in my life. One minute, I’m feeling totally at ease with Brett. A casual stroll through the grocery store, picking out what we wanted for dinner, my hand in his. It felt natural. The sweet way he was flirting. Touching me. Whispering in my ear. It was all so exciting and new. I was aflutter and turned on, imagining how the rest of our day would play out together.
It was nice feeling like I had someone to cook for, to flirt with, to imagine doing more with.
Then, like having a bucket of ice dumped down my shirt, there stood Iris.
Then he’d asked me about Jamie. I liked that he wanted to know me, but it was hard to talk about my past. God bless Brett though. He’d been sweet and attentive as I told him my story. I knew it probably wasn’t easy for him. Most people felt like shit after they heard about the poor girl whose fiancé had been taken away from her. It sure didn’t make me feel any better.
For the first time, I wanted to leave Jamie’s memory in the past. And I didn’t know what that meant.
“What’s the matter?” Nora said. Clearly my frustration was evident in my tone. “Is this about Brett? Did something happen?”
“Kind of.”
“What did he do? I’ll kill him,” she said, immediately being the defensive sister I loved. “I swear it. I don’t care if he’s injured.”
“No, it’s not like that,” I assured her, laughing at her promise to protect me. “Brett has been nothing but a gentleman.”
“Whew,” she chuckled, “I’ll take killing a Throttled Energy stunt rider off my to-do list then. So what’s the matter?”
I tried to organize the jumble of thoughts in my head. But they were tangled up with emotions I still hadn’t sorted. “I should start at the beginning, I think.”
“I’ve got nothing but time, little sister.”
“So, you know that Brett and I have been spending a lot of time together,” I started.
“I do.”
“Well, things seem to be... changing.” I paused. “In a good way. I mean, I guess we are kind of dating.”
“Really? You and Brett are like a thing? Georgia, I’m so proud of you!”
“Slow down,” I could hear her excitement and see the double dates she was planning play out in her head. “It’s very early. We’ve barely kissed.”
“But you did kiss him?” Nora’s giddiness was catching. I felt my stomach flip thinking about it myself.
“Yes. It was just a peck.”
“And?”
“And what? We’re just taking things slow, Nora. It was just a kiss... and some hand holding... and maybe some PDA in the grocery store.”
“Omigod!” she squealed. “Keep going,” she insisted. “I’m still not understanding why you are confused. Sounds to me like things are going perfectly.”
“I saw Iris Shaw today,” I explained. “And Iris Shaw saw me wrapped up with Brett in front of the fresh meat section of Wohlman’s.”
“Ahh...”
“I was totally caught off guard and I just panicked and froze Brett out.”
“Understandably, but it’s okay for you to move on. You know that, right?” She cleared her throat and I knew that whatever sisterly wisdom she was about to lay out for me needed to be heard. “Jamie has been gone for three years, G. Iris, or anyone else for that matter, shouldn’t make you feel bad about living your life. I’ve been worried you’d never move on, never let anyone else in. Brett’s a decent guy from what Reid says and I think being injured is probably helping him mature a bit.”
“I know that. I really do,” I insisted. “But, what if I’m making a mistake? What if I’m jumping into this thing with Brett too quickly?”
“You said it yourself that you’re taking it slow.”
“We are.”
“So quit worrying about what everyone else thinks and live. I can tell you from personal experience that sometimes you just need to go with it. Everything that’s meant to be will be.”
“I feel like I’m giving up on Jamie’s memory or something,” I confessed.
“You’re not,” Nora said. “I promise you that you are not. Jamie was special to you and always will be. Everyone knows that, but you need to do what’s best for you now. You’ve always put everyone else first. You can be selfish for a little bit if you want to.”
“Okay. I’ll try.” Being selfish seemed about as far out there as me being mean or hateful. I’d always tried to think of everyone else’s feelings, but maybe my sister was right. Maybe I just needed to focus on mine for a change.
“Good! Now tell me more about this kiss,” she demanded playfully.
* * *
After giving my sister as much detail as I thought she needed, she asked me if I would be available to meet a furniture moving company and a few delivery trucks on Tuesday at the house Reid had been building for his parents. The construction was almost finished and Nora and Reid would be bringing his mom and dad to the property in about a week. Of course I agreed to help get the house ready for the surprise. I added the date to my planner and made sure that I didn’t have anything else on the books.
“Maybe Brett would like to help,” she suggested.
“I’m sure he would,” I told her. “I’ll make sure to ask him tonight.”
“You do that,” she said, letting the inflection in her voice add some sort of sexual tone to the comment. “You ask him. All. Night. Long.”
“Now you’re just being immature,” I deadpanned.
“I’m just so damn excited that you’re dating,” she said between laughs. “I want you to be happy, baby sister.”
“I know you do.”
I wanted me to be happy, too. I wanted to be able to move on. I’d been doing a decent job of compartmentalizing my past from my future. Something I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to do.
After I’d gotten off the phone with my sister, I went to my psychology class and then headed home to grab a few things I needed for dinner. After seeing Iris, I was so shaken up that I’d forgotten to grab steak seasoning and sour cream for the baked potatoes we’d decided to fix.
I freshened up—tousling my hair and reapplying a little bit of makeup—before heading out the door. The entire drive over, I felt the nervous anticipation of being around Brett build. I wanted to spend time with him. I wanted to see what it was like to just hook up with someone, no strings attached. I thought it might take some of the pressure off me knowing that he was leaving, but I was still anxious about it all. Could I actually go through with it? Could I just have a fling?