As he lowered me back onto the mattress, he continued to kiss me so deeply that I had no choice but to surrender to what I was feeling. I arched my back as he slipped an arm underneath me and prayed that he wasn’t too good to be true. My entire body was shaking but in a good way.
I ran my hands down his back needing to feel every inch of him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. His lips trailed down my neck as his hand snagged the edge of my shirt and slowly started to pull it up. Each inch of my body that he uncovered, he slowly lowered his mouth over and the heat coming off of his lips had my skin tightening beneath it.
I lifted my arms above my head and let him pull the shirt off of me. I was completely exposed to him and I felt completely secure. It wasn’t until I saw where his eyes were lingering that I realized my past was once again interfering with my future.
Between my breasts, the long chain of my necklace was anchored in place by my engagement ring from Jamie. My forgetfulness and longing to hold onto some piece of my past life had rendered Brett frozen in what had been our hottest moment together.
“I’m sorry,” I said, grabbing the necklace and pulling it over my head. Brett stood up as I rolled over and reached out to place the necklace in my nightstand drawer. “I forgot I was wearing it.”
“It’s okay,” he said, clearly taken back by the fact that I still kept the ring with me. “It just caught me off guard.” I could tell by his disposition—albeit understanding—that our night was not going to continue with the same passion as it had only moments ago.
I didn’t know what to say that could possibly make the situation any less awkward. So I blurted out the first thing I thought. “It’s getting late anyway. We probably shouldn’t—”
“Yeah,” he said. “Probably not.”
I grabbed my shirt from behind me and pulled it over my head. I felt like a fool. I should have been more prepared for the possibility of us being intimate. I let myself get caught up in the moment and didn’t think things through. When he picked up his shirt off the ground, I wanted to make it up to him. I wanted him to see that despite what he just saw, I was ready to move on. I was ready to move on with him.
“Will you stay?” I asked, scooting to the edge of bed and standing up. I reached out and took his hand. “Will you at least spend the night with me?”
He looked down at me, and I could see that he was trying to process the situation. He took in a breath and nodded his head.
“Of course.” He tossed his shirt back to the ground and pulled my hand up to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss across my knuckles. Luck and timing were definitely not in our favor that night, but as we climbed under the sheets and he pulled my body against his and held me in his arms, I knew that there was at least hope that we could manage to get it right.
There was hope for us. There was hope for me.
I was slowly starting to understand what that whole “patience is a virtue” proverb meant. It was a virtue I was trying my damnedest to hold onto when it came to Georgia. I really wanted to be that understanding guy who was strong enough for the both of us, and considering the events of the last twelve hours, I thought I’d done pretty well.
The vulnerability she had shown when she asked me if I would stay the night with her had me unable to walk away. That little part of me that said “don’t get too attached” was shouting in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t leave her. Not when she was showing me that side of herself. The same side she’d shown me in the car when she told me about Jamie. I knew that it was taking her out of her comfort zone to share those things with me.
Her fiancé had been gone for three years, which I thought was enough time for her to grieve and be ready to move on, but apparently I was wrong. The harsh reality was that there was no time frame for grief. I could still see it in her eyes when she realized she was wearing the ring, but it was more than that. The photographs she still had on display. The conversation with his mother. She was still holding on and everywhere I looked he was there... holding onto her in one way or another. Tethering her to the past and taunting me from beyond the grave. She loved him and he had her first. Hell, maybe he still had her.
I was frustrated. She was frustrated. It was starting to feel like the world was against us being together. And, maybe it should have been. Maybe now wasn’t the best time for us. As loud as the voice was that said to leave her be, the one that said “don’t let her go” was just as loud.
“Hi,” I said, when I opened my eyes the next morning. I’d started to stir when I felt her pull from my arms and get out of the bed. Now, don’t get me wrong, there was no place I’d rather be. I don’t think I’d ever just slept with a girl. Sex might not have been involved, but sleeping in the same bed with her and feeling her body against mine as we slept was pretty amazing. But, it wasn’t what I’d been expecting when she pulled me into her bedroom the night before. We started off hot and heavy and headed in a direction that I thought we were both ready for, but once again, I was wrong. The second the light caught that diamond laying against her body, both of us—and our hormones—came to a screeching halt.
“Hey,” she said softly as she rummaged through her closet and pulled out a pair of black Converse tennis shoes. “Sorry if I woke you. I was trying to keep quiet so you could sleep.”
“It’s okay,” I told her. I would have missed seeing her face if she had sneaked out. As she put on her shoes, I looked at the clock on her nightstand. Eight-thirty-three. “What time is your test?”
“In an hour. I wanted to get there a little early though so I could run back over my notes.” She’d already changed into jeans and a red hooded sweatshirt that said RN in Training across the front. Her hair was still a little damp from the shower she must have taken.
“You’ll do great,” I assured her. I could see she was concerned, but I had a feeling it had nothing to do with her exam. “About last night...”
“I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I hope that it didn’t—”
“It didn’t,” I said, not needing to hear the rest of her thought. Nothing was going to stop the feelings I had for this girl. It might have been a hurdle, sure, but I’d never felt the way I felt about her with anyone else. “I just... it’s...” I wanted to say the right thing. “I don’t ever want you to feel pressured with me. I know that you’ve had a lot to deal with, especially when it comes to Jamie.”
“I have, but I’m really trying. I promise,” she said, coming over to sit beside me on the bed. “I guess I’d just gotten so used to wearing the ring that I forgot I had it on.”
“If you’re not ready... for me... for us. I understand.”
“I am ready,” she said, placing her hand on mine. “I want to move on.” She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine in a reassuring effort. I nodded and smiled when she pulled away. I wanted to believe her. I wanted there to be hope for us.
“Can I see you this weekend?” I asked. “Maybe we could go to that movie?”
“I want to, but I’m at the hospital Friday and Saturday. Then I have a family dinner on Sunday.”
“Okay,” I said, trying not to look too disappointed. “I guess Tuesday then? Reid’s parents.”
“I’ll pick up food,” she said. “We’ll make a date of it.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Stay as long as you want,” she said. “There’s coffee in the kitchen and muffins. I think,” she added, giving me a kiss on the cheek.