I pulled into the Shaws’ driveway, unsure of exactly what I was going to say to Iris. A week ago seemed like a month ago. So much had changed. I knew that it was going to painful—probably more for her than me—but I needed to tell her. I needed to tell her that I was moving on with my life and I wouldn’t be stopping by for monthly dinners or feeling guilty about it anymore.
“Well this is a pleasant surprise,” she said when she opened the front door. “Come in.” She wrapped her arms around me as soon as I was in the house. “I’m glad you stopped by. You’ll never guess what I found in a box from the attic,” she paused. “Jamie’s notebook from his freshman year. It’s got all kinds of great scribbles in it. I think there’s even a note from you tucked in the pocket inside.”
“I...” I tried to think of the nicest way possible to pull off this BandAid.
“Come in the kitchen. I’ll show you.” She grabbed my hand and started to pull me through the living room toward the back of the house. I knew if I made it to the chair at the kitchen table I’d be there all night looking through items from the past.
“I can’t.” I said, stopping in my tracks and slipping my hand from hers. “I don’t want to see it.”
“What do you mean? You’ll love it.” She said, shaking her head. I could hear the “tsk-tsk” coming off her lips. She took another step.
“I didn’t come by to reminisce, Iris.” I crossed my arms over my chest and took a deep breath. “I came by to tell you that I can’t do this anymore. No more Sunday dinners. No more memorabilia. It’s too hard and it’s not fair.”
“Don’t even talk to me about what’s not fair,” she said, the jovial expression she’d had on her face when I’d walked through the door was long gone.
“I’m not here to make you mad. I promise, I’m not. I just can’t keep coming over here and reliving losing him. It was hard enough the first time,” I paused. The pain in her eyes was exactly what I’d envisioned. In her mind I was giving up on her son. I was trying to forget him. “I love him, Iris. More than you probably even know. I just think it’s time for me to move on.”
“Is this because of that guy in the grocery store?”
“Not exactly.” I was being honest with her. I’d thought about this moment long before Brett came along. Maybe a little more since he’d shown up, but this was still something I needed to do. “It’s not healthy for me to keep holding onto him. I can’t be in a relationship that is one-sided anymore. I need a living person in my life.” I took in a deep breath. Everything that I’d wanted to say seemed to be coming out in a way that wasn’t registering with her. “And his name is Brett.”
“He’ll never love you like my Jamie did.”
“I’m not asking him to,” I said, reaching out to take her hand. When she didn’t jerk from my grasp I was relieved. “I’m not looking to replace him. I know that what we had was special and no one will ever take his place.” I blinked away the tears that were filling my eyes and watched hers do the same. “I’m grateful for the time I had with your son. And with you,” I added. “But I can’t keep hanging around here like he’s coming back.”
She nodded her head and I knew that she understood, even if the stubborn side of her didn’t want to.
“We know this, Georgia,” Jim said, walking out of the kitchen and over to his wife. He placed his hands on her shoulders and kissed her cheek. “We want you to be happy,” he added. “Don’t we, Iris?”
“We do.” She pulled my hand until I was standing close enough for her to hug me. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that this—that coming over here—was an obligation.” She released me from her arms. “You were just such a big part of Jamie’s life. With you here I feel closer to him.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I feel closer to him when I’m around you too. It’s not like I’ll never come by again.”
“It’s really okay,” Jim said. “We knew this day would come.”
“I really do want you to live your life. Jamie would want you to be happy,” Iris confessed with a sniffle.
“I hope so.”
“He would,” Jim assured me, taking the opportunity to give me a hug of his own. “We love you like you were one of ours, sweet Georgia.” I felt like the weight of the world was being lifted off my shoulders. I’d put so much stock, so much effort, into being a part of their family that sometimes I forgot that I wasn’t. The pressure of not disappointing them—of needing their approval to move on—was something that I always worried about. Hearing them say that they knew I was going to move on with my life and that they understood filled me with hope that I was making the right decisions. Whether or not I ended up with Brett, I felt hopeful for the future. The future where the ghost of my fiancé wasn’t constantly looking over my shoulder. The future where my past didn’t haunt me.
“For what it’s worth, I would have loved being your daughter-in-law,” I told them as they walked me to the door. “Your family will always be very special to me.”
“And you to us.”
My thighs were burning as I extended my legs on my third rep on the leg press, but my knee felt strong. This was the best workout I’d had yet. I finally felt like my old self. That’s not true. I felt better than my old self. I felt stronger, faster, and more than ready to get back on my bike. I’d taken to using the PT facility as my own personal gym. The staff didn’t seem to mind. I couldn’t just work my legs. I conditioned my arms, core and back every day as well. Not to mention, the countless reps of sit-ups and pull-ups I did at the cabin.
I’d talked to Reid while he was home and hearing him talk about everything Throttled Energy had planned for us this season was overwhelming. I had months before the X-Games, which gave me plenty of time to work out all the kinks of riding with a knee replacement. They’d moved the host city to Austin a couple years back. It was like riding in my own backyard. I had to be in top shape by then at the very least. But, what I really wanted to do was get on the Throttled Energy High Flight tour, which was already underway. I’d only missed two events, but I knew I could make up the points. The High Flight tour was global. Riders from all over the world competed and tour stops went as far as Nepal and Abu Dahbi. Not a bad way for a small town Texas boy to see the world.
I wanted to tell Georgia about the tour. I wanted to ask her to go with me. I wanted to show her the world. She’d been in Halstead her entire life, surrounded by memories and people that were never going to let her forget that she was basically a widow. I knew she loved her hometown, but it was holding her back.
“Dude,” Will said locking the plate of the machine into place. “You’re killing it today.”
“Right?” I smirked. “I feel so good.”
“I can tell,” he agreed. “I’d ask if it was all workout and diet, but the goofy ass grin on your face says it’s more than that.”
I raised an eyebrow as I climbed off the machine, unsure of exactly what he meant. I really hoped the track gossip wasn’t suggesting I was using steroids or something stupid.
“Halstead’s hens are clucking about Georgia Bennett being involved with some big shot motocross racer. Sounds like she’s not just your personal nurse anymore, huh?”
“No, she definitely is not.” I felt the goofy ass grin he was talking about return to my face as he slapped me on the shoulder.
“Good for you. She’s a great girl.”
“I know. I’m feeling pretty lucky.” I shrugged. “My knee feels great. My girl is amazing. I really have no complaints in life at the moment.”
“Now to get Dr. Forlani to release you,” he said, pulling out a folder that had my name on the top of it. “I think you’re ready. I’m going to send her my recommendations and your latest progress chart. I’m betting another week and you’ll be good to go.”