My gaze followed the line of his neck, across his shoulder, to the muscular biceps propping the door open. I spotted the set of free weights resting beneath the stand of his bass. He’d definitely been working out in the three years since I’d last seen him. He wasn’t overly muscular like some athletes I’d been with, just lean and fit.
My gaze tripped over to his sculpted pecs and landed on his nipples. His pierced nipples—that seemed to harden at my perusal.
Fuck, that was hot. Since when did I think silver hoops dangling from a guy’s nipples were sexy? But on Kai, they worked. Like fruit waiting to be plucked, they hung above the trunk of his sculpted abdomen, while a smattering of fine hairs branched from beneath the button of his pants. Hot damn.
“What’s up, Rachel?” He swallowed thickly. “Did I wake you?”
“I . . .” I finally met his eyes. “I couldn’t sleep and I heard you were up.”
“Yeah, me neither.” He moved aside to allow me to pass into the room. “I was trying to be quiet.”
“Actually, most of the time your music lulls me to sleep.”
“Yeah?” he said in a low and gruff voice. “Is that why you’re here—so I can put you to sleep?”
“No, you ass.” I grinned. “Well, maybe.” When his eyes turned dark, I mumbled, “Just kidding.”
We stood awkwardly in front of each other, until he finally had the wherewithal to lie down in his bed. He propped his arms behind his head as I sank down on the very edge.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, Rachel?” he asked. “Is this about seeing Miles?”
“No, not really.” Not at all, actually. Although he did figure in somehow, I supposed.
“I’m just . . . pissed that my friends are coming up here. I didn’t want . . .” I shook my head, the words dying on my lips.
“It’s not like I invited them,” he said. “They’ll see where you grew up—is it really that big of a deal?”
“If anything slips—even as a joke . . . ” I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Now I’ve got questions.” He looked pointedly at me. “Makes me wonder just exactly went on the last three years.”
“I’ve just been . . . doing what I wanted. Living my own life,” I said defensively. Though I didn’t know why I was suddenly feeling that way in front of him. “The same thing you were doing in Amsterdam, right?”
“Sure,” he said. “But if my friends from Amsterdam were to suddenly visit me, I wouldn’t be trying to keep them away from you guys. So what gives, Rachel?”
“Okay.” I held up my hands. “Stop playing the overbearing-big-brother role for a minute and just talk to me as a friend.”
“I’m pretty sure the idea of me being any kind of brother went out the window after the other night.” He held my gaze, and it was as if a sparkler had been ignited inside my belly.
“True,” I whispered, as prickly heat shot up my neck and across my cheeks.
“So what’s the harm in friends knowing things about you? Or telling my sister more about your college life?” he said. “What do you think is going to happen?”
Now the heat became unbearable as the same anxiety that plagued me knocked against the base of my skull. “So many people have already left me.”
“For the record, you left, too, Rachel,” he said, softly. “And the thing about true friends? We’re loyal. My sister is loyal. I’m loyal. We’d accept you no matter what.”
My hands began shaking as the cold dread of my lies rose to a crescendo inside of my chest.
He gripped my hand and then drew it toward him. “Come here.”
My body pitched forward, and I descended onto his sheets. “Wha . . . what are you doing?’
“I’m doing what I do well,” he said, tugging me nearer. “Taking care of my Turtle.”
My heart rose up in my throat and threatened to send my tears tumbling out. Why did his words hold such meaning?
He maneuvered me around and pulled my back flush against his bare chest. I could feel the outline of his nipple rings against my shoulder blades. “I don’t remember you taking care of me like this.”
“Sure I did,” he whispered. “You just couldn’t hug me back at the time.”
I gasped as memories crashed over me in waves. The moments he’d given me lingering embraces in the hospital. The time he lay down in my bed to watch a movie and fell asleep with his head propped on my shoulder. I woke first, felt the heat of his warm body coiled next to mine, and watched him sleep for a while.
Hot stinging tears welled up in my eyes as I realized just how much strength he’d provided me during those times.
All of a sudden his breath was on my neck. “Your secret’s safe with me, Rachel. But sooner or later it’s going to come up and there’ll be nothing you can do to stop it. So maybe it’s time to fess up.”
“I’ll think about it,” I whispered, and he tightened his arms around me.
My ass was against his crotch and a pyrotechnics display was shooting off low in my belly. All of a sudden, I wanted him to touch me the way he had the other night. I couldn’t help the hum that burst from my throat. It felt too damn good being curled up next to him.
“Trying to tell me something?” he said low in my ear.
“You’re pretty good at this stuff,” I said, reining in my out-of-control breathing.
“What stuff?” His voice held a hint of amusement.
“Making-girls-feel-good stuff.”
He blew out a breath like he was going to have some sort of retort but then stopped himself.
“Is that why you’re here . . .?” His voice was soft, tentative at first, but then became brusque. “So I can make you feel good again?’
“I . . . I don’t know, honestly,” I said, wondering why he sounded both frustrated and earnest. “I’m here because you’re my friend and I feel like I can talk to you. Like, you get me.”
“I do get you,” he said. “I think we get each other.”
His fingertips were swirling a pattern up and down my forearm, making my skin tingle.
“Is that why you let me in, because you saw I could use a friend?”
It felt like we were skating on thin ice, neither wanting to say what we really meant. That we both wanted this closeness. But it was an impossible situation, one too hard to admit out loud. Because we were meant to be friends, family even. Besides, our time together was limited by secrecy as well as the summer break.
“I’m doing it because you’re my Turtle and you needed a good hug.” He tickled my side and I yelped. He placed his hand over my mouth to silence me as I squirmed beneath him.
When I finally settled down and released the giggles still bubbling inside my chest, I blew out a couple of breaths and said, “Kai?”
I felt his heavy breath against my hair. “Hmm?”
I squeezed his forearm, which was now lower, around my stomach, instead of beneath my chest, which helped alleviate my growing desire just a bit. “What happened in Amsterdam?’
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. Why did you . . . get kicked out?” I wanted to ask if he’d been smoking too much pot, especially since I spied a bud sitting on the edge of his dresser, but I didn’t want to be too accusatory. I hadn’t smelt it on him lately and I noticed only a hint of it on his skin right now, along with the subtle scent of the products I’d brought him from Pure.
He released a long sigh and flipped onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. I immediately lamented the loss of his body heat. “Johan, the guy I was working under at the studio, had this girlfriend that he was crazy about. She’d come around all the time while we were working and when he wasn’t looking, I’d catch her staring at me. I’d smile or ignore her until the one day she tried to corner me.”