“It’s the way you look at him,” Ella blurted out, as I worried my lip between my teeth. “We’ve both noticed.”
“Shit,” I whispered, ruffling my fingers through my hair. “You guys, no . . .”
Yet another lie. Would it ever end?
“Don’t panic, asshead,” Avery said, placing her hand on my arm. “You don’t have to fess up to anything. It’s just . . . I think he brings out something good in you.”
“Plus, he’s pretty hot,” Ella said with a dreamy look in her eyes. “And he’s different than your normal type, which is a refreshing change.”
If they had noticed, did that mean Kai had, too?
“And I really like your best friend,” Ella said, looking back at Dakota. “So bring her back with you for a visit in the fall.”
She kissed my cheek, and they turned to head back to our friends.
“Wait!” My voice rang out. I looked back at Kai for courage and then mouthed sorry to him. He shook his head and turned back to the stage to watch the band set up.
“Listen, guys,” I said as they turned back toward me. “I do have to fess up.”
They looked at each other, confused.
“I haven’t been a very good friend. I realize that now,” I said, my voice wavering. “Worst of all, I didn’t tell the truth.”
“What do you mean?” Avery asked, looking past me at Kai.
“Not only did I keep stuff from you.” I bit hard on my lower lip. “I . . . I told you a lie because I didn’t want to face up to my own truth.”
“What kind of lie?” Ella asked, a worry line etched between her brows.
“About my ex, Miles,” I said. “It’s a long story and I’ll tell you sometime if you want to hear it. I mean, if you still want to hang out with me.”
“Out with it, dickhead,” Avery said. “No holding back this time.”
And just like that, it felt like old times. Like everything would be okay.
They didn’t look angry, just concerned—and a bit disheartened. And I didn’t blame them.
“The short version is: He didn’t give me an engagement ring, it was just a stupid promise ring. And I didn’t leave him at college. He left me. He didn’t want to stick around during my recovery.”
Ella’s hand slammed over her mouth. “That’s awful.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “But, my lie was awful, too. I guess I didn’t have enough faith that people would want to get to know me if they knew the whole truth. Not after the way I was treated in this town right after my accident. People just . . . disappeared. They didn’t know how to act around me most of the time.”
Ella reached for my hand, sadness in her eyes. In Avery’s, too. They silently waited on me. Giving me their full attention. And for once I didn’t back down from their scrutiny. I didn’t try to hide or make a joke.
“I don’t know who I’ve become these past three years,” I said. “But I don’t want to be that girl anymore.”
Still they remained quiet. Dragging it all out of me with their unspoken sympathy, understanding, and—hopefully—acceptance.
Dakota might be a different story.
My heart hammered in my chest. “Can you forgive me?”
“On one condition.” Ella folded her arms across her chest, like a disappointed parent scolding her child. “We’re allowed to ask you questions and make you talk about stuff. We care about you. You shouldn’t have to hold all of that in.”
“Ella!” Avery said, laughing.
“No, that’s fair. Absolutely,” I said. “It’s a deal.”
“We’ll have more girl time later,” Avery said. “Now go have fun with that gorgeous guy waiting on you.”
I nodded and turned back to Kai.
When I neared him, he reached out his hand. “Grab it. I don’t want to lose you.”
As soon as I gripped his fingers, I could breathe again.
He was my anchor, my respite, my North Star.
I don’t want to lose you either, Kai.
Chapter Twenty-eight Kai
As we trudged to down the grassy slope, the rain began to fall in heavy layers, so we darted beneath the cover of the pavilion. We looked up the hill to try to spot our friends but couldn’t make anything out through the mayhem of people sprinting to their cars. Of course, plenty of people had remained to splash around in the rain and watch the show’s headlining band.
The Black Tresses’s first note sounded as we made our way to our seats. We seemed to be a million miles away from our blankets on the lawn, and I was thrilled that Rachel had accompanied me to watch my favorite band play.
Our clothes were drenched, our hair dripping wet, our eyelashes glued together. We found the fifth row and I was practically elbowed in the face and kneed in the balls while getting to our primo spots. We were practically close enough to touch the band, and I could feel the frenetic energy of this crowd as they yelled and swayed to the music. We remained standing at our seats, because everyone around us was up and moving like a tightly wound live wire.
Eyes glued to the stage, I leaned toward Rachel. “You okay?”
She smiled and nodded, hovering close to me since the people on either side of us were attempting to dance on their chairs.
I recognized the band’s first couple of numbers and reveled in seeing them perform live. The bass player was one of the best I’d heard, and his upright, which looked hand-carved, with an ebony fingerboard, was fucking sweet. Rachel held up her phone with a text from Dakota that our friends had piled in the rental van and were heading home.
I felt guilty that Shane and Dakota would have to squeeze into those seats to fit, but also thankful that I had driven separately, so I could enjoy the entire show. Even still, I leaned down and asked, “Do you want to take off, too?”
“Hell no,” she said and then lifted her phone to snap a selfie of the two of us. I felt like I resembled a drowned rat, but Rachel looked gorgeous with her brown hair plastered to her forehead and her green eyes beaming at the lens. She also took a few shots of the band, which she promised to text me later.
By the middle of the set, I noticed that Rachel was shivering beside me. I slid over and wrapped my arms tightly around her, hoping to keep her warm. She immediately relaxed against my chest, so I knew I’d made the right decision.
It felt like we were in our own little sanctuary—surrounded on all sides by people we didn’t know, and, fuck, I wanted to savor it. The privacy and the freedom to be out in the open with her. Nobody questioning anything. Questioning us.
Overcome with emotion, I leaned forward to kiss Rachel’s hair, at the exact location of her scar. I hadn’t even thought it through—it just felt natural. She looked up at me, eyes wide and lips quivering, as if I’d done something so private, personal, secret.
Then she cast a quick glance over my shoulder, and at the crowd, as if we’d been caught being close. Intimate. The moment she realized that we were anonymous, the corners of her lips tugged into a gorgeous and playful grin.
I planted a soft kiss on her shoulder and then my fingers traced her chin before slipping down her throat. I brushed aside her hair to feather my lips along her hairline. She trembled and tucked her head against my neck.
My fingers traveled down her arm to the soft sliver of skin above her shorts and I tugged her more firmly against me. I was sure she could feel how aroused she made me, but I didn’t give a shit. It felt too damn good—too damn right—having her so close.
It was amazing how responsive she was to me. Her breaths escaped from her lips in shuddery whispers, and her nipples pebbled beneath her shirt. I could hear—or rather feel—her low moans, despite the chaos of the crowd and the noise of the band.