"Or if there were little bitty surprises. That would be a surprise. Instead of things like this."
"God Jehovah's got a bigger surprise in store than this," the woman said.
"God Jehovah?"
"That's the one."
Steffie and Wilder were asleep in one of the cots. Denise sat at the other end engrossed in the Physicians' Desk Reference. Several air mattresses were stacked against the wall. There was a long line at the emergency telephone, people calling relatives or trying to reach the switchboard at one or another radio call-in show. The radios here were tuned mainly to just such shows. Babette sat in a camp chair, going through a canvas bag full of snack thins and other provisions. I noticed jars and cartons that had been sitting in the refrigerator or cabinet for months.
"I thought this would be a good time to cut down on fatty things," she said.
"Why now especially?"
"This is a time for discipline, mental toughness. We're practically at the edge."
"I think it's interesting that you regard a possible disaster for yourself, your family and thousands of other people as an opportunity to cut down on fatty foods."
"You take discipline where you can find it," she said. "If I don't eat my yogurt now, I may as well stop buying the stuff forever. Except I think I'll skip the wheat germ."
The brand name was foreign-looking. I picked up the jar of wheat germ and examined the label closely.
"It's German," I told her. "Eat it."
There were people in pajamas and slippers. A man with a rifle slung over his shoulder. Kids crawling into sleeping bags. Babette gestured, wanting me to lean closer.
"Let's keep the radio turned off," she whispered. "So the girls can't hear. They haven't gotten beyond déjà vu. I want to keep it that way."
"What if the symptoms are real?"
"How could they be real?"
"Why couldn't they be real?"
"They get them only when they're broadcast," she whispered.
"Did Steffie hear about déjà vu on the radio?"
"She must have."
"How do you know? Were you with her when it was broadcast?"
"I'm not sure."
"Think hard."
"I can't remember."
"Do you remember telling her what déjà vu means?"
She spooned some yogurt out of the carton, seemed to pause, deep in thought.
"This happened before," she said finally.
"What happened before?"
"Eating yogurt, sitting here, talking about déjà vu."
"I don't want to hear this."
'The yogurt was on my spoon. I saw it in a flash. The whole experience. Natural, whole-milk, low-fat."
The yogurt was still on the spoon. I watched her put the spoon to her mouth, thoughtfully, trying to measure the action against the illusion of a matching original. From my squatting position I motioned her to lean closer.
"Heinrich seems to be coming out of his shell," I whispered.
"Where is he? I haven't seen him."
"See that knot of people? He's right in the middle. He's telling them what he knows about the toxic event."
"What does he know?"
"Quite a lot, it turns out." "Why didn't he tell us?" she whispered. "He's probably tired of us. He doesn't think it's worth his while to be funny and charming in front of his family. That's the way sons are. We represent the wrong kind of challenge." "Funny and charming?"
"I guess he had it in him all the while. It was a question of finding the right time to exercise his gifts." She moved closer, our heads almost touching. "Don't you think you ought to go over there?" she said. "Let him see you in the crowd. Show him that his father is present at his big moment."
"He'll only get upset if he sees me in the crowd." "Why?"
"I'm his father."
"So if you go over there, you'll ruin things by embarrassing him and cramping his style because of the father-son thing. And if you don't go over, he'll never know you saw him in his big moment and he'll think he has to behave in your presence the way he's always behaved, sort of peevishly and defensive, instead of in this new, delightful and expansive manner." "It's a double bind." "What if I went over?" she whispered. "He'll think I sent you." "Would that be so awful?"
"He thinks I use you to get him to do what I want." "There may be some truth in that, Jack. But then what are stepparents for if they can't be used in little skirmishes between blood relatives?"
I moved still closer, lowered my voice even more. "Just a Life Saver," I said. "What?"
"Just some saliva that you didn't know what to do with." "It was a Life Saver," she whispered, making an 0 with her thumb and index finger.
"Give me one."
"It was the last one."
"What flavor- quick."
"Cherry."
I puckered my lips and made little sucking sounds. The black man with the tracts came over and squatted next to me. We engaged in an earnest and prolonged handshake. He studied me openly, giving the impression that he had traveled this rugged distance, uprooting his family, not to escape the chemical event but to find the one person who would understand what he had to say.
"It's happening everywhere, isn't it?"
"More or less," I said.
"And what's the government doing about it?"
"Nothing."
"You said it, I didn't. There's only one word in the language to describe what's being done and you found it exactly. I'm not surprised at all. But when you think about it, what can they do? Because what is coming is definitely coming. No government in the world is big enough to stop it. Does a man like yourself know the size of India 's standing army?"
"One million."
"I didn't say it, you did. One million soldiers and they can't stop it. Do you know who's got the biggest standing army in the world?"
"It's either China or Russia, although the Vietnamese ought to be mentioned."
'Tell me this," he said. "Can the Vietnamese stop it?"
"No."
"It's here, isn't it? People feel it. We know in our bones. God's kingdom is coming."
He was a rangy man with sparse hair and a gap between his two front teeth. He squatted easily, seemed loose-jointed and comfortable. I realized he was wearing a suit and tie with running shoes.
"Are these great days?" he said.
I studied his face, trying to find a clue to the right answer. "Do you feel it coming? Is it on the way? Do you want it to come?
He bounced on his toes as he spoke.
"Wars, famines, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions. It's all beginning to jell. In your own words, is there anything that can stop it from coming once it picks up momentum?"
"No."
"You said it, I didn't. Floods, tornados, epidemics of strange new diseases. Is it a sign? Is it the truth? Are you ready?"
"Do people really feel it in their bones?" I said.
"Good news travels fast."
"Do people talk about it? On your door-to-door visits, do you get the impression they want it?"
"It's not do they want it. It's where do I go to sign up. It's get me out of here right now. People ask, 'Is there seasonal change in God's kingdom?' They ask, 'Are there bridge tolls and returnable bottles?' In other words I'm saying they're getting right down to it."
"You feel it's a ground swell."
"A sudden gathering. Exactly put. I took one look and I knew. This is a man who understands."
"Earthquakes are not up, statistically."
He gave me a condescending smile. I felt it was richly deserved, although I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was prissy to be quoting statistics in the face of powerful beliefs, fears, desires.