‘Who is funny? Something is funny?’ asked Samad, lighting a fag distractedly despite the heat, his mind carried elsewhere by the morphine.
‘Nobody,’ began Archie haltingly, ‘nothing.’
‘Can’t you see it, Jones? Can’t you see…’ Samad lay half in, half out of the doorway, his arms stretched up to the ceiling, ‘… the intention? They weren’t slapping their salamis – spreading the white stuff – they were looking for something a little more permanent.’
‘I can’t see the difference, frankly,’ said Archie. ‘When you’re dead, you’re dead.’
‘Oh no, Archibald, no,’ whispered Samad, melancholic. ‘You don’t believe that. You must live life with the full knowledge that your actions will remain. We are creatures of consequence, Archibald,’ he said, gesturing to the church walls. ‘They knew it. My great-grandfather knew it. Some day our children will know it.’
‘Our children!’ sniggered Archie, simply amused. The possibility of offspring seemed so distant.
‘Our children will be born of our actions. Our accidents will become their destinies. Oh, the actions will remain. It is a simple matter of what you will do when the chips are down, my friend. When the fat lady is singing. When the walls are falling in, and the sky is dark, and the ground is rumbling. In that moment our actions will define us. And it makes no difference whether you are being watched by Allah, Jesus, Buddha, or whether you are not. On cold days a man can see his breath, on a hot day he can’t. On both occasions, the man breathes.’
‘Do you know,’ said Archie, after a pause, ‘just before I left from Felixstowe I saw this new drill they have now which breaks in two and you can put different things on the end – spanner, hammer, even a bottle-opener. Very useful in a tight spot, I’d imagine. I tell you, I’d bloody love one of those.’
Samad looked at Archie for a moment and then shook his head. ‘Come on, let’s get inside. This Bulgarian food. Turns my stomach over. I need a bit of sleep.’
‘You look pale,’ said Archie, helping him up.
‘It’s for my sins, Jones, for my sins and yet I am more sinned against than sinning.’ Samad giggled to himself.
‘You what?’
Archie bore the weight of Samad on one side as they walked inside.
‘I have eaten something,’ said Samad, putting on a cut-glass English accent, ‘that is about to disagree with me.’
Archie knew very well that Samad sneaked morphine from the cabinets, but he could see Samad wanted him not to know, so ‘Let’s get you into bed,’ was all he said, bringing Samad over to a mattress.
‘When this is over, we will meet again in England, OK?’ said Samad, lunging towards his mattress.
‘Yes,’ said Archie, trying to imagine walking along Brighton pier with Samad.
‘Because you are a rare Englishman, Sapper Jones. I consider you my friend.’
Archie was not sure what he considered Samad, but he smiled gently in recognition of the sentiment.
‘You will have dinner with my wife and I in the year 1975. When we are big-bellied men sitting on our money-mountains. Somehow we will meet.’
Archie, dubious of foreign food, smiled weakly.
‘We will know each other throughout our lives!’
Archie laid Samad down, got himself a mattress and manoeuvred himself into a position for sleep.
‘Goodnight, friend,’ said Samad, pure contentment in his voice.
In the morning, the circus came to town. Woken by shouts and whooping laughter, Samad struggled into uniform and wrapped one hand around his gun. He stepped into the sun-drenched courtyard to find Russian soldiers in their dun-coloured uniforms leapfrogging over each other, shooting tin cans off each other’s heads and throwing knives at potatoes stuck on sticks, each potato sporting a short black twig moustache. With all the exhaustion of revelation, Samad collapsed on to the front steps, sighed, and sat with his hands on his knees, his face turned up towards the heat. A moment later Archie tripped out, trousers half-mast, waving his gun, looking for the enemy, and shot a frightened bullet in the air. The circus continued, without noticing. Samad pulled Archie wearily by the trouser leg and gestured for him to sit down.
‘What’s going on?’ demanded Archie, watery-eyed.
‘Nothing. Nothing absolutely is going on. In fact, it’s gone off.’
‘But these might be the men who-’
‘Look at the potatoes, Jones.’
Archie looked wildly about him. ‘What have potatoes got to do with it?’
‘They’re Hitler potatoes, my friend. They are vegetable dictators. Ex-dictators.’ He pulled one off its stick. ‘See the little moustaches? It’s over, Jones. Someone has finished it for us.’
Archie took the potato in his hand.
‘Like a bus, Jones. We have missed the bloody war.’
Archie shouted over to a lanky Russian in mid-spear of a Hitler potato. ‘Speak English? How long has it been over?’
‘The fighting?’ he laughed incredulously. ‘Two weeks, comrade! You will have to go to Japan if you want any more!’
‘Like a bus,’ repeated Samad, shaking his head. A great fury was rising in him, bile blocking his throat. This war was to have been his opportunity. He was expected to come home covered in glory, and then to return to Delhi triumphant. When would he ever have another chance? There were going to be no more wars like this one, everybody knew that. The soldier who had spoken to Archie wandered over. He was dressed in the summer uniform of the Russians: the thin material, high-necked collar and oversized, floppy cap; he wore a belt around a substantial waist, the buckle of which caught the sun and shot a beam into Archie’s eye. When the glare passed, Archie focused on a big, open face, a squint in the left eye, and a head of sandy hair that struck off in several directions. He was altogether a rather jolly apparition on a bright morning, and when he spoke it was in a fluent, American-accented English that lapped at your ears like surf.
‘The war has been over for two weeks and you were not aware?’
‘Our radio… it wasn’t…’ Archie’s sentence gave up on itself.
The soldier grinned widely and shook each man’s hand vigorously. ‘Welcome to peace-time, gentlemen! And we thought the Russians were an ill-informed nation!’ He laughed his big laugh again. Directing his question to Samad, he asked, ‘Now, where are the rest of you?’
‘There is no rest of us, comrade. The rest of the men in our tank are dead, and there is no sign of our battalion.’
‘You’re not here for any purpose?’
‘Er… no,’ said Archie, suddenly abashed.
‘Purpose, comrade,’ said Samad, feeling quite sick to his stomach. ‘The war is over and so we find ourselves here quite without purpose.’ He smiled grimly and shook the Russian’s hand with his good hand. ‘I’m going in. Sun,’ he said, squinting. ‘Hurts my little peepers. It was nice to have met you.’