“You don’t like Alice, huh?”
“What makes you say that?” He kept his eyes off Barbara’s face.
“You got a look. Your eyes looked like you were thinking of something complicated, and your mouth got an expression that showed you didn’t like it.”
“You watch me pretty close, don’t you?”
“Maybe. All right, if Alice doesn’t suit, how about Gloria? Gloria’s pretty.”
“And not very bright.” His girl would at least have to be somebody he could talk to sometimes.
“Well. You don’t like Alice, you don’t like Gloria — who do you like? Got a girl tucked away somewhere? Going to take her out tomorrow? Tomorrow’s the big day to howl, you know. Monday.”
Lucas shrugged. He knew. For the past three Mondays, he’d been cruising the city. “No. I hadn’t even thought about the store being closed tomorrow, to tell you the truth.”
“We got paid today, didn’t we? Don’t think I didn’t know it. Mmm, boy — big date tomorrow, and everything.”
Lucas felt his mouth twitch. “Steady boy?”
“Not yet. But he may be — he just may. Tell you what it is — he’s the nicest fellow I ever had take me out. Smooth, good dancer, polite, and grown up. A girl doesn’t meet very many fellows like that. When one comes along, she kind of gets taken up with him. But maybe somebody nicer would come along — if you gave him a chance.” She looked squarely at Lucas. “I guess you can imagine how it is.”
“Yes — well, I guess I can.” He gnawed his upper lip, looking down, and then blurted out, “I have to wash these now.” He turned, carrying the silverware tray, and walked quickly into the back room. He spilled the silverware into the sink, slammed the hot water handle over, and stood staring down, his hands curled over the edge of the sink. But after a little while he felt better, even though he could not bring himself to ignore the thought of Barbara’s having a steady.
By all logic, Barbara was the wrong girl.
2
On that particular Monday, the weather held good. The sun shone down just warmly enough to make the streets comfortable, and the narrow Village sidewalks were crowded by the chairs that the old people sat on beside their front stoops, talking to each other and their old friends passing by. The younger men who did not have to go to work leaned against parked cars and sat on their fenders, and the Village girls walked by selfconsciously. People brought their dogs out on the grass of Washington Square Park, and on the back streets there was laundry drying on the lines strung between fire escapes. The handball and tennis courts in the Parks Department enclosure were busy.
Lucas Martino came up to the street from his apartment a little past two-thirty, wearing a light shirt and trousers, and stepped into the midst of this life. He walked head-down to the subway station, not looking to either side, feeling restless and troubled. He hoped he’d find the right girl today, and at the same time he was nervous about how he’d approach her. He’d observed the manner in which the high school operators had handled the problem, and he was fairly confident of his ability to do as well. Furthermore, he had once or twice taken a girl to the movies, so he was not a complete novice at the particular social code that applied to girls and young men. But it was not a social partner he was looking for.
There was the matter of Barbara, as well, and it seemed that only self-discipline would be of any use there. He could not afford to become involved with any sort of long-term thing. He could not afford to leave a girl waiting while he went through all the years of training that were ahead of him. And after that, with this business going on in Asia, it looked very much as though, more than ever, any physical sciences specialist would go into government work. It meant a long time of living on a project base somewhere, with limited housing facilities and very little time for anything but work. He knew himself — once started working, he would plunge into it to the exclusion of everything else.
No, he thought, remembering his mother’s look when he told her he was going to New York. No, a man with people depending on him had no choice, often, but to hurt either them or himself — and many times, both. Barbara couldn’t be asked to place herself in a situation like that.
Besides, he reminded himself, that wasn’t what he was looking for now. That wasn’t what he needed.
He reached the subway station and took an uptown train to Columbus Circle, and not until he reached there did he raise his head and begin looking at girls.
He walked slowly into Central Park, moving in the general direction of Fifth Avenue. He walked a little self-consciously, sure that at least some of the people sitting on the benches must wonder what he was doing.
There were quite a few girls out in the park, mostly in pairs, and they paid him no attention. Most of them were walking toward the roller-skating rink, where he imagined they would have prearranged dates, or else were hoping to meet a pair of young men. He toyed with the notion of going down to the rink himself, but there was something so desperately purposeless in skating around and around in a circle to sticky organ music that he dropped the idea almost immediately. Instead, he cut up another path and skirted the bird sanctuary, without knowing what it was or what the high fence was for. When he suddenly saw a peacock step out into a glade, spreading its plumes like an unfolding dream, he stopped, entranced. He stood motionless for ten minutes before the bird walked away. Then he unhooked his fingers from the steel mesh and resumed his slow walk, still moving east.
The park was full of people in the clear sunshine. Every row of benches he passed was crowded, baby carriages jutting out into the path and small children trotting after the pigeons. Nursemaids sat talking together in white huddles, and old men read newspapers. Old women in black sat with their purses in their laps, looking out across the lake and working their empty fingers as though they were sewing.
There were a few girls out walking alone. He looked at them cautiously, out of the corners of his eyes, but there wasn’t one who looked right for him. He always turned his head to the side of the path and walked by them quickly, or else he stopped and looked carefully at his wristwatch while they passed him in the other direction.
He felt that the right kind of girl for him ought to have a look about her — a way of dressing, or walking, or looking around, that would be different from most girls’. It seemed logical to him that a girl who would let strange young men speak to her in the park would have a special kind of attitude, a mark of identification that he couldn’t describe but would certainly recognize. And, once or twice in his wanderings around the city, he had thought he’d found a girl like that. But when he walked closer to one of these girls, she was always chewing gum, or had thick orange lipstick, or in some other way gave him a peculiar feeling in the pit of the stomach that made him walk by her as quickly as he could without attracting attention.
Finally, he reached the zoo. He walked back and forth in front of the lion cages for a time. Then he went into the cafeteria and had a glass of milk, taking it outside and sitting at one of the tables on the terrace while he looked down at the seals in their pool. He was feeling increasingly awkward, as he usually did on one of these expeditions, and he took a long time over his milk. He looked at his watch again, and this time it was three-thirty. He had to look at his watch twice, because it seemed to him that he’d been in the park much longer than that. He lit a cigarette, smoked it down to the end, and found that this had taken only five minutes.