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DO MEN NEED SEX MORE OFTEN THAN WOMEN?

Men are often told that they have sex on the brain, and it appears as though this may be true.

In one recent study inNature Neuroscience, a team of researchers had twenty-eight men and women look at erotic photographs while an MRI took scans of their brain. The subjects looked at arousing photographs of heterosexual couples engaged in sexual activity, sexually attractive nudes of the opposite sex, and at pictures of men and women in nonsexual situations. When analyzing the MRI results, researchers found that two areas of the brain, the amygdala and the hypothalamus, were more activated in men than in women when viewing identical sexual stimuli.

So, do men have sex on the brain? Of course, and do bears shit in the woods?

We really didn’t need a team of researchers to answer this one.

CAN A MAN EVER RUN OUT OF SPERM?

What a nightmare. The well running dry. Could it be possible?

The answer is no, but there is some bad news.

A woman is born with all the eggs she will ever have, but a man’s supply of sperm is renewed throughout his life. This sounds great, but researchers have found that men over thirty-five have more abnormalities in sperm movement and sperm with more seriously damaged DNA than younger men. It also has been found that over time, average sperm counts have been decreasing. The World Health Organization guidelines say a normal sperm count consists of twenty million sperm per ejaculate, with 50 percent motility and 60 percent normal morphology. This is different than twenty-five years ago when the normal count was near one hundred million.

ARE THERE ANY SPECIFIC THINGS THAT AFFECT THE SCENT OF A WOMAN?

My wife’s “friend” once told her that eating pineapple made you smell good “down there.” The friend had heard this from a call girl. It doesn’t get more evidence based than that.

There is, however, no scientific research on this sensitive subject. People do believe that you are what you eat, so what you ingest, ladies, can affect the smell and taste of your womanly secretions. Foods that are often mentioned as having the potential to cause problems “down there” are asparagus, garlic, and curry.

CAN A WOMAN EJACULATE?

There have been many claims about female ejaculation, but this was always dismissed as urination during intercourse. More recent evidence has found that higher levels of a compound, prostatic acid phosphatase, has been found in patients who claim to have female ejaculation. This compound is also found in high levels in male ejaculate and originates in the prostate.

Researchers have taken an anatomic approach to the issue of prostatelike components in female ejaculate. They believe that if women ejaculate a fluid that is not urine, then it must be coming from someplace other than the bladder. The most likely source was thought to be the female paraurethral glands or Skene’s glands.

Autopsy tests of Skene’s glands have found substances identical to those found in the prostate. Some experts now call these glands the female prostate. So, it seems highly likely that some women can, in fact, ejaculate, but causing that to happen may be as tough as finding the G-spot.

WHAT IS A HICKEY?

A hickey is a bruise that forms when a person sucks and lightly bites an area on another person’s body, causing the blood vessels under the skin to break. It is also a badge of honor for horny fifteen-year-olds all around the world.

CHAPTER 4. CAN I TREAT IT MYSELF?

I lookat my watch and I can’t believe that it is only 12A.M. I answer the last of the sex questions and quickly scan the room to make sure that my path is clear to the bathroom. I see an opening and rush off hoping to avoid any more questions.

The door is slightly ajar and I push it open tentatively to find our hostess, Eloise, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Leyner is clutching the massaging showerhead and is directing a cold stream of water on her burned and blistered cheeks. As it turns out, Eloise, ever the impeccable hostess, had joined Leyner and Cinderella in their laboratory to see if they needed their glasses refilled. Leyner then insisted on slathering her with his spicy balm. Little did he know that Eloise had had a deep-cleansing facial peel just a few hours before the party, leaving her skin ultra-vulnerable to any corrosive ointments. It was comforting for me to see that in the heedless anarchy of the moment, Leyner had actually done the right thing and was correctly caring for her burns.

There are two venerable maxims that rule the professional classes. For doctors it is do no harm, and in the world of jurisprudence it is anyone who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. So, if you must be your own physician, do no harm and don’t be a fool.

CAN YOU TAKE THE TETRACYCLINE MEANT FOR FISH TANKS?

A patient came to the ER one day for treatment of an infection on her scalp. She had tried to treat it at home by taking the tetracycline for her fish tank. As it turns out, she actually didn’t need antibiotics for her rash. Was this self-medicating ingenuity or insanity on her part?

I wouldn’t exactly call it ingenuity, because the other great idea she came up with was to rub toothpaste on her head. As for the fish tank tetracycline, it seems as though those tablets often contain the same dosage as your over-the-counter tablets, but I certainly cannot vouch for their purity. Logic says to stick with the stuff you get from the pharmacy.

DOES CRANBERRY JUICE CURE URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS?

Maybe. A study inJAMA, orThe Journal of the American Medical Association for all not in the know, demonstrated a significant reduction in the rate of urinary tract infections in older people who drank cranberry juice daily. We don’t know exactly why, but the most likely answer is that some chemical in the juice prevents bacteria from sticking to the wall of the bladder. I know some people don’t like cranberry juice, but since urinary tract infections can happen after sex, it’s probably worth it to drink a little bitter cranberry juice instead of smoking a cigarette.

WILL YOGURT CURE A YEAST INFECTION IF YOU PUT IT “INSIDE”?

Yogurt may have some role in helping prevent yeast infections, but only when you put it in the correct orifice — your mouth.

Yogurt does have some very interesting health properties. Some women find eating one cup of yogurt a day while taking antibiotics is helpful in preventing the yeast infections that often follow such treatment; however, yogurt alone will not cure vaginal yeast infections that are already in full bloom.

DOES CANDLE FLAME REMOVE EARWAX?

Excessive amounts of earwax can cause decreased hearing or pain, but this is no reason to start lighting your head on fire. “Ear candling,” or coning, involves placing a cone-shaped device in the ear canal and, with the help of smoke or a burning wick, removing earwax. The companies that make these devices claim many other health benefits. The FDA and the Canadian government disagree, and both have come out against these fraudulent claims. In most cases earwax will come out on its own, and if not, you should see your doctor. Avoid these silly products and save the cones for your ice cream.

IS IT SMART TO PUT BUTTER ON A BURN?

No. Save the butter for breakfast.

Butter is the wrong thing to put on a burn. It will trap the heat in the skin and prolong the pain. Use cool water instead.