drooling
nosebleeds
itching
seizures
farting
That said, there are several theories for what causes yawns and why they are contagious. It was originally thought that people yawned to get more oxygen, but this appears not to be true.
The most common theory is behavioral. In an article examining contagious yawns, Dr. Steven M. Platek and others state, “Contagious yawning may be associated with empathic aspects of mental state attribution and are negatively affected by increases in schizotypal personality traits much like other self-processing related tasks.”
Huh? I find myself yawning right now.
What they mean is that people are unconsciously imitating others when they yawn. Humans are not the only species that yawn. Yawning is seen in many animals, including cats, fish, and birds, although we don’t know what a yawning fish looks like either.
Since our editor thought this question made the best title for this book, we racked our brains to come up with a hilarious, witty, and informative answer to this question. Our attempts proved futile, so, in order to finish this book so another brilliant title wouldn’t go to waste, we went for the boring, straight scientific response. Sorry.
We are mammals and blessed with body hair, three middle ear bones, and the ability to nourish our young with milk that females produce in modified sweat glands called mammary glands. Although females have the mammary glands, we all start out in a similar way in the embryo. During development, the embryo follows a female template until about six weeks, when the male sex chromosome kicks in for a male embryo. The embryo then begins to develop all of its male characteristics. Men are thus left with nipples and also with some breast tissue. Men can even get breast cancer and there are some medical conditions that can cause male breasts to enlarge. Abnormal enlargement of the breasts in a male is known as gynecomastia. Gynecomastia can be caused by using anabolic steroids. So, if Barry Bonds ends up coming to the old-timers game with a pair of sagging 44DD man boobs, then I think we will finally have our answer to the steroid controversy.
It is common for people to come into an emergency room because they can’t find their contact lens. Sometimes it is found folded and tucked beneath the eyelid, but other times it is nowhere to be found. So where is it???
Probably on the bathroom floor at home. A little anatomy lesson: there is nowhere else for it to go.
Other commonly “misplaced” items that lead people to the ER: tampons, condoms, and car keys.
This is a surprisingly frequent question, and often a reason women find themselves in the emergency room. Patients often come in either because they cannot remove the tampon or because it has disappeared and they don’t seem to know where it went.
Time for another anatomy lesson. The vagina is a potential space, not a hole or cavity inside the body. The walls of the vagina are normally in contact with each other unless something is inserted between them. When something enters the vagina, the body makes room for it. At the end of this potential space is the cervix. Therefore, there is no place for the tampon to go. It cannot be lost inside that small area and you should be able to remove it, or it can be easily removed by any doctor. Often we find nothing inside, and that means you probably forgot you removed it. Leaving a tampon inside too long can put you at risk for a serious infection, so don’t be embarrassed to ask for help.
Now, we are sure there are many possibilities as to why someone would need the answer to this question. We never asked our friend who asked this question why this was important, but surely she had her reasons.
Some sources do agree that the tongue is the strongest muscle per size, but the tongue is actually made up of four muscles. The heart has also been mentioned, but since it moves involuntarily and is mainly an endurance muscle, it doesn’t really get to the heart of this question (bad pun intended).
The sartorius, which slants across the thigh to the knee, is the longest muscle in the body. As for the strongest, there are two other candidates, the masseter, used for chewing, and the gluteus maximus. By gluteus! Who knew that our asses were so strong!
Another tidbit for you trivia geeks, here are Billy and Leyner’s two favorite ass-vocabulary words:
callipygian: having beautifully proportioned buttocks
steatopygic: an extreme accumulation of fat on the buttocks
The body usually maintains a constant temperature of 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. At this temperature the cells of the body work best. If there is any significant change in temperature, it is sensed by an area of the brain called the hypothalamus. When the body gets too cold, this center alerts the rest of the body to begin warming up. Shivering, the rapid movement of the muscles to generate heat, then begins. Teeth chattering represents localized shivering.
The appendix is a small pouch off the large intestine. The wall of the appendix contains lymphatic tissue that is part of the immune system for making antibodies.
Removing the appendix doesn’t cause any harm because there are several other areas in the body that contain similar tissue — the spleen, lymph nodes, and tonsils. The spleen and the tonsils can also be removed.
Gberg: You were going to give me a little something to add to the appendix question, Why do you have one if you can live without it?
Gberg: Some expert Leynerisms on vestigial organs.
Leyner: God put certain internal organs in the human body for purely aesthetic reasons. They just look nice when the forensic pathologist opens you up.
4:05P.M.
Leyner: How do we know yet what all the vestigial organs are? A lot of the organs that seem crucial now may seem vestigial pretty soon.
Gberg: Please explain to me what is so beautiful about the appendix. It looks like a little wet caterpillar.
Leyner: It’s so subjective, though… a little wet caterpillar is beautiful… vulnerable, bespeaking the evanescence of life and the unbearable limpness of it all. I’m sure at some time, somewhere, the appendix had its moment, its evolutionary “15 minutes” of utility.
Gberg: What the hell are you bespeaking of?
Leyner: There was probably some predator that only ate people without an appendix so that gene flourished for a while….
Leyner: Speaking of vestigial.
Leyner: What other supposedly vestigial organs are there?
Gberg: The tail.
4:10P.M.
Leyner: Wouldn’t body hair also be considered vestigial now, since we don’t live naked out on the primeval savannah?
Leyner: I try to live naked on an inner sort of primeval savannah, but you know what I mean. Body hair is surely some sort of atavistic throwback too.