“Jesus, Lil. I think you killed me,” he groaned, reaching up to untie the knot securing her wrists once their bodies had finally calmed and they’d caught their breath. He turned off the light and collapsed beside her, burying his face in the curve of her throat as he threw one of his long legs over hers, his fingers tenderly rubbing her wrists as if to ease any ache she might be feeling.
Oh, wow. This was almost as incredible as the sex. The feel and the weight of him holding her. The hot, masculine scent of his skin and the even sound of his breathing as he relaxed. Thank God she’d come here because she would have been seriously pissed if she’d missed out on this. On him. She drifted into sleep, mellow and soft, muscles like taffy that’d been warmed in the sun. She remembered him getting up at some point and gently cleaning her between her legs with a warm washcloth, before climbing back into bed with her. Then, later, she woke up cold, wondering why she didn’t have his warmth. Maybe he’d gotten up to go to the bathroom. Or to check on Mike. She burrowed under the covers, wanting to wait for him to get back, but drifting into sleep again. But she was tense as thoughts of Radovich kept working their way through her mind, and the nightmares wouldn’t leave her alone.
The next thing Lily knew, she was sitting up in bed, her throat hoarse from screaming, and Ryder was rushing into the dark room dressed in his jeans, the door shutting behind him. He quickly flicked the light on low and climbed onto the bed, his back braced against the headboard. Then he pulled her shaking body onto his lap, and held her against his chest. “Jesus, Lil. What were you dreaming about, baby? You must have had a nightmare.”
“Nothing,” she gasped. “It’s nothing.”
His arms tightened. “Was it about that night on the boat?”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to talk about—”
“Too bad,” he grunted, cutting her off. “It’s time you tell me. I need to know how you got away that night.”
She wanted to argue, to refuse, but she was cuddled naked in his arms, her head resting back on his right biceps, the look in his dark eyes when she lifted her lashes making it clear that this was important to him. He lifted his free hand, pushing her hair back from her face, and the tender touch was her undoing. Forcing the words from her tight throat, she said, “I don’t remember a lot from when Rado was talking to my father. That monster and his men were hurting him, torturing him, and I was screaming, fighting, trying to reach him as they held me back. Then Rado sent me off with one of his men until he was ready to deal with me, telling the guy to clean me up so I would be ready for him and the others. So the man . . . he took me down to my stateroom.” Her face burned as she gave a hard swallow. “And then I played him.”
His brows were drawn together in a V, a muscle pulsing in his scarred cheek. “What do you mean?”
She wet her lips, trying to keep her voice steady as she lowered her gaze to his chin, not wanting to see the look in his beautiful eyes when she explained. “I came on to him, acting like I . . . I wanted him over the others. Told him that I’d run away with him if he helped me. That I had a lot of money and would make it worth his while. That I’d be willing to do whatever he wanted, as long as it was just him. So he, um, took the bait and started to kiss me. I hated it, wanting to throw up. But I kissed him back until I knew he was focused on me and not worrying about what I might do.”
She could feel the tension creeping into his muscles. “Did he rape you?” he asked in a low, deadly voice.
“He would have. But when he broke the kiss to pull off his shirt, I grabbed his balls and twisted so hard they probably don’t work right anymore.”
She took a quick peek at his face and caught the twitch at the corner of his mouth. “Good girl,” he murmured, rubbing the pad of his thumb beneath her eye. She hadn’t even realized that she was quietly crying until he lifted his thumb to his mouth, tasting her tears. Her breath caught as she struggled to remember what she’d been saying.
“What’d you do after that, Lil?”
“Um, I grabbed what I could, stuck it into the waterproof kayaking pack I still use, and snuck out of my room. I made my way to the deck and slipped over the railing, into the water. When I started swimming away, I heard something that made me look back. They were dumping my dad’s and Nancy’s bodies over the side of the boat.”
“Jesus,” he hissed, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so damn sorry. I know I should have told you that before, but things have been . . . Shit, I’m just an ass. And I’m sorry.” He pulled his head back so that he could catch her gaze again, his expression confused. “But why didn’t you want to tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to think . . . I don’t know. I felt stupid. You would have kicked his ass, while I had to use a ridiculous deception to get free. I guess I just didn’t want you to think I was pathetic. I mean, you weren’t exactly friendly when I got here.”
“You’re not pathetic,” he said fervently. “You’re amazing. You saved your ass when most people would have been catatonic with fear. That took balls and guts and more courage than I can even imagine. I’m proud as hell of you.”
The tightness in her chest eased, and she blinked up at him. “Yeah?”
“You bet your sweet little ass, yeah.”
“But there was a moment, I don’t know how long it lasted, where I started to think my plan wouldn’t work. I’ve never been so scared in my life, Scott. And I felt so horrible, for being afraid of what might happen to me, when my dad and Nancy had already suffered so much.”
“No, baby,” he rasped, pulling her against his chest. “That’s called survival instinct and there’s no stopping it. I know for a fact that your dad would have been so damn proud of you.”
She tucked her head under his chin and wrapped her arms around his lean torso, hugging him. She thought she probably could have stayed like that for the rest of the night and enjoyed the best sleep of her life, until she remembered that she’d been alone when she’d awakened from her nightmare. “You’d gone back to your room, hadn’t you?”
His body stiffened against hers. “Yeah.”
Forcing herself to pull out of his arms, she climbed off his lap. “I’m fine, Scott. You can head back to your own bed now. I’m sorry for bothering you.”
“Lily, I just—”
“Really, it’s okay,” she said, cutting him off. “I just need to get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, moving to his feet. But he didn’t leave her. Instead, he took off his jeans and turned off the light.
“What are you doing?” she asked, when he climbed back onto the bed, pulled the covers over them, and yanked her against his chest, tangling his legs with hers.
“Just shut up and let me hold you,” he said into her hair, tucking her head beneath his chin again. “I haven’t been able to sleep worth a damn tonight anyway.”
She was still hurt that he’d left her, but didn’t argue or resist, simply wanting as much time with him as she could get. Lying quietly in his arms, she thought he’d already fallen asleep when his deep voice rumbled above her head in the darkness. “Did you know that you’re the only person I know who calls me Scott?”
“Not in my thoughts.”
“Huh?”
“I think of you as Ryder,” she explained. “But I purposefully started using your first name when talking to you a long time ago so that you might notice me. I wanted to be different from all the other girls you knew.”