His phone buzzed. He stared at the screen, then shook his head.
“Something wrong?”
“Misty. She can’t sleep and wants to know if I ‘got my girl yet.’ See?” He flashed her the phone.
Mystery read their last few messages, then wished like hell she hadn’t accused him of cheating. Now she felt somewhere between chastened and regretful. “She’s worried about you.”
He answered the woman quickly, and Mystery wished she knew what he’d said, but he tucked his phone away. “I might have been her protector, but she’s pretty protective, too.”
“Are you sad she won’t be there for you anymore?”
The kettle whistled on the stove, and before she could get to her feet, Axel made his way to it, poured the water, rummaged around for the honey and a spoon, then brought it to her. “Be careful. It’s hot.”
When he set the mug in front of her, their eyes met. She nodded solemnly, drowning in his deep blue stare. “Thanks.”
As she sat, he paused to collect his words. “We’ll always be friends. She can confide in me any time, and until she finds her One, I expect her to. Like any friend, if I see her floundering without someone to talk to, I’ll step in because I’m worried about her. But we didn’t ‘break up.’ We never had that sort of relationship to start with. But Misty wants more than I can give her.”
Of course she did. Mystery understood very well wanting more of Axel. “So she does want a boyfriend?”
He shook his head. “She wants a sadist. That’s not who I am.”
Mystery reared back, blinking at him. On the one hand, his admission relieved her. She didn’t have any interest in a man who yearned to give her pain. But . . . “Why would she want that?”
“I don’t think you’re a masochist, so you may not completely get it. But she enjoys the pain. It becomes its own pleasure. And in some cases, a masochist is able to release their internal pain with someone who torments them physically. It’s as if they can only process one agony at a time, so they have to let go of the one inside them. For some, like Misty, it’s really cathartic.”
“And you did that for her? You spanked or flogged or—”
“Sometimes. If she got really bottled up, I’d call in a sadist friend of mine from Houston and let him spend a few hours with her. She always seemed profoundly happy afterward.”
Mystery had a million questions. Had Axel minded watching another man give her pain? Had Misty slept with this other man, and had it bothered Axel? In fact, his whole arrangement with the woman boggled her mind. But the truth was, he didn’t seem upset about separating from Misty. Nor did he seem jealous that she might find someone else, only concerned that she’d find the right sort of someone. And Axel had been incredibly direct. The truth was, he could have told her that his thing with Misty was none of her business.
She sipped her tea and gathered her words. “You’re right. I don’t really get it. It might be selfish to say, but I’m glad you’re not with her anymore.”
“It’s for the best because we both want something else.” He dragged her chair closer. “After last night, I already knew I had to change my relationship with Sweet Pea. I couldn’t pull the emotional rug out from under her, but I also realized I couldn’t have sex with her anymore, not even for her sake. Not when I want you so much.”
Against her will, happiness flooded Mystery. She sat back in her chair, trying to sort everything out logically. Her mother might have called her foolishly trusting. Maybe Axel would hurt her in the end. On the other hand, she’d never know what could be if she didn’t give them a chance. She didn’t want to look back with regrets and wonder what if she’d really tried to believe in them? Right now, he must have a million doubts about her since she kept running out on him. The first time, he’d somewhat taken in stride. This last time, when she and Heath had fled Dominion? Mystery got the feeling she hadn’t begun to pay for that yet.
“Thank you for explaining. I overreacted when I saw you two. And I know you and I probably aren’t going anywhere, right? You live in Dallas and I live in London and—”
“Let’s cut the shit. I don’t know exactly what’s happening between us, but don’t sell us short. I want you. I don’t want it to end. I suspect I’m falling hard and fast—”
“I’m in love with you,” she blurted. As long as Axel was putting his cards on the table, she should, too. “I think I always have been. Seeing you with Misty . . . I freaked. I’m sorry. I guess I hit a sore spot with your mom and all by running off, but that wasn’t my intention.”
“I’ll be honest. That isn’t my only hang-up, but that’s my biggest.”
Mystery frowned. “She walked out on a husband and four boys? Just left?”
“Yeah. Said she was going to the grocery store. She drove into town, cleaned out our bank account, took our only car, and drove off. Last I heard, she’d shacked up with some guy in New Orleans.”
God, he must have been confused, sad, angry, lost. “You could track her down now and ask why.”
Axel shook his head, his frown telling her that he held in an emotional torment that haunted him. “I know why. She wanted more out of life than cooking and cleaning and working shifts at Walmart as a checker. She wanted adventure and money, not another fifteen years with the guy who’d knocked her up in high school. She’d been a baby having babies, and she’d come to the point in her life where she wanted something totally different than us.”
Her heart ached for him. She reached for Axel’s hand and squeezed it. “That had to be tough on you. How old were you?”
“Eight.” He didn’t state that her abandonment had hurt, but the stoic protector in front of her couldn’t keep the pain off his face.
Mystery slid out of her chair and climbed onto his lap. “You deserved more. She didn’t stay around to see what an incredible man you’ve become, and it’s her loss. You amazed me the day we met. You keep doing it every minute I’m with you.”
“Why do you keep leaving me, then?”
He asked the question so quietly, and it ripped her in two. She’d never imagined this big badass could look so vulnerable, and Mystery hated the fact that she’d put doubt in his heart.
“Look at us, both kind of lost in our own insecurities. You’re thinking I’m going to run out on you because it’s what your mother did. I’m thinking I’m not interesting or pretty enough, and a guy like you could get any woman he wanted, so of course you’d want women other than me. I’m just waiting, like my mom did, for you to cheat on me, even though we never committed to anything.”
“Bullshit. Maybe not with words, but what happened at Dominion felt pretty damn serious to me. You can’t look me in the eye and tell me that was just sex.”
Mystery shook her head. “That’s why seeing you with Misty crushed me. I’m afraid and I don’t want to wind up like my mom, you know?”
Axel held her close. “I do know. I don’t want to become a bitter, lonely alcoholic like my dad. So here it is: Giving you up after your rescue was something I had to do, not something I wanted to do. Giving you up now is something I won’t do without a damn good reason. I’m pretty sure it won’t be long before I’m telling you that I’ve fallen in love with you, too.”
Her insides went warm and gooey at his words. Just like everything else about him, his straightforward honesty amazed her. No game playing. No fronting. Just his unvarnished truth.
She smiled at him. “I’d like that.”
Axel brought her closer and gripped her face in his big hands. “But if you leave me again, I’ll be done. It’s not a threat, but an honest reality. I know myself and my limitations. I’m willing to stash my concerns now because we’ve had extenuating circumstances. But we’ve talked, so from here on out . . . If you run off, I’ll know it’s because you wanted and meant to. Are we clear?”