Chapter Four
Fever
Harper had hoped, he and Belimai boarded the Green- Hill carriage without trouble. As other passengers pushed inside the dark shell of the carriage, Harper was crushed up against Belimai. Steadily both of the seats in the carriage filled. Harper tensed against the weight of the man on his left as the last passenger squeezed into the carriage. Belimai sat silently on Harper's right, pressed between Harper and the carriage wall.
Harper felt each wave of heat and every shudder that wracked Belimai's body. He wished he could see Belimai's face, but the carriage was too dark. When the light from the gas lamps outside flashed through the window, Harper would catch brief glances at Belimai. He saw little more than a stretch of ashen skin and the thin line of Belimai's pale mouth before the carriage plunged forward again into darkness.
Belimai's silence gnawed at Harper. He brushed his hand against Belimai's shoulder. He tried to make more room for Belimai, but he could only move a little before he unintentionally elbowed the man on his left. Belimai slumped against Harper. His skin was burning hot.
"I think I may vomit," Belimai whispered.
The man on Harper's left squirmed back from the two of them.
"You'll be fine," Harper said. "Just try to relax."
"I can't," Belimai groaned. "I really am going to vomit."
"Try to hang on." Harper knew that his words would change nothing, but they were all he could offer.
He wasn't surprised when the man on his left as well as two other travelers evacuated the carriage at the next stop. Waiting in the rain wasn't such a bad thing when compared to riding in a carriage next to a violently ill passenger. To Harper's relief, the rest of the passengers disembarked shortly after the carriage was checked and waved through the city gates. Only he and Belimai were traveling the full distance of the route.
Harper started to move to the other seat to give Belimai more room, but Belimai caught hold of him.
"Stay," Belimai said. "You're warm."
"Are you sure you don't want more space?" Harper asked.
"Not now. Maybe later," Belimai whispered.
He sank down and rested his head on Harper's leg. Belimai's entire body trembled. The skin of his cheek felt fevered even through the thick cotton of Harper's pants.
"I wish it were always this dark," Belimai said. "If only I had just a little..."
"A little what?" Harper asked after Belimai trailed off into silence.
"Ophorium." Belimai jerked upright suddenly. "I'm going to throw up."
He rocked forward and then collapsed down to the carriage floor. Harper reached to catch him, but it was too dark for him to see where Belimai was. Then Harper heard the latch of the carriage door click. Light from the rider's lamps at the front of the carriage poured in. Belimai hung out of the carriage, gripping the door handle for support as he retched.
Harper jumped forward, reaching under Belimai's chest to support his convulsing body as he leaned out of the carriage. Wind and icy pellets of rain slashed in through the open door. Belimai shook and coughed violently, but there was nothing in his stomach to bring up. Harper pulled him back in and slammed the carriage door shut. With a quick practiced flick of his hand, he snapped the lock into place.
"How long has it been since you've had any?"
"Too long, obviously." Belimai's voice was alarmingly soft. He could hardly pull himself back up to the seat cushions. Harper waited in the darkness while Belimai resettled himself, laying his head in Harper's lap again.
Belimai sighed. "Almost three days now."
"Why?" Harper asked.
"I didn't think you'd disapprove—"
"I don't." Harper cut in quickly before Belimai could elude the question. "I just wondered what could get you to do it."
"You don't want to know," Belimai said softly.
"If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't ask." Harper touched Belimai's forehead and then slowly brushed his fingers over the damp kinky mass of his hair. Belimai was silent. Harper knew he couldn't force Belimai to answer.
Perhaps Belimai was even right. Maybe he didn't want to know the answer. If Belimai had at last found another lover who inspired him to change, then it was not news that Harper would relish. What he wanted to hear was his own name.
Harper knew it was contemptible to wish that Belimai's salvation would come through him. It was a deeply selfish need to be a savior, if only for this one man. Still, it was what Harper wanted. He longed for it and at the same time knew that it was not likely to happen.
Only one man meant that much to Belimai; he had ruined himself for Sariel. Harper never forgot that. When he had first read Belimai's legal record, he had been horrified and deeply moved by Belimai's devotion to Sariel. He had read the record over and over, staring at the photograph of Belimai and wishing that he could have saved him.
The silence between them stretched on. Harper stroked Belimai's hair. Belimai's skin radiated a fevered heat, but his breathing was slow and even. Harper wondered if he might be sleeping at last.
Suddenly Belimai jerked as if he had grasped a live electric wire. Choking, inarticulate noises gurgled out of Belimai's throat as the spasms rocked through his chest and stomach. Harper caught Belimai's shuddering body before he crashed to the carriage floor. As suddenly as they had come on, the tremors stopped. Belimai sagged back down against Harper's legs, sweating and limp.
"You weren't supposed to see this," Belimai murmured.
"I'm not seeing much of anything," Harper said. "It's too dark."
"You're not missing anything, trust me." Belimai shifted to his side. "I would have gotten it all over with by the time you came back from your vacation," Belimai said.
"I've seen people in worse shape. It's all right." Harper pushed the sweat-soaked curls back from Belimai's forehead. Belimai's sweat smelled sweetly acrid, like scorched pineapple. It was an unnatural scent, even for a Prodigal.
"I'm so glad to be grouped with the men you've seen in rotten shape. My hope is that someday I will reach the pinnacle of that appalling list. Give me a day or two, and who knows? I think I'm going to vomit again."
Belimai weakly pulled himself upright. He rocked with the motions of the carriage. Harper felt Belimai's body bump against his shoulder. He reached out to steady Belimai, but Belimai shoved his hand away.
"No, it's passed now." Belimai sank back down onto the seat and resettled his head on Harper's leg. "Fucking wretched."
"I can't believe that you were going to go to the Crone in this state." Harper shook his head.
"I didn't know what else to do," Belimai answered. His voice was soft. "I didn't want to get you involved."
"I know." Harper continued stroking Belimai's hair. "But I'm the one who got myself involved. There's nothing you could do about that."
"No, I suppose not. You're really annoying that way, you know."
"Am I?" Harper asked, but Belimai said nothing.
Silence filled the dark emptiness of the carriage. Harper couldn't even hear the rain anymore. They had driven out of the storm. Only the steady rhythm of the horses' hooves beating against the dirt road interrupted the silence of the night. Harper closed his eyes. Sleep seemed very appealing.
"What's it like?" Belimai's voice surprised him. He hadn't thought Belimai was still awake.