The girls looked to each other and Bella gave Linda the nod.
‘I put a call into London this morning, Dolly, to your place.’ Linda started cautiously.
Dolly appeared not to hear. She just opened her own case and, rummaging through, held up a gray dress. ‘I could wear this. Won’t be as dressy as you lot, but I could wear this. Or I’ve got a cocktail dress, I think I put it in here somewhere.’
‘Is Harry alive?’ Linda asked.
Dolly lifted out her cocktail dress, held it against her body. ‘What do you think?’
Linda stepped forward and snatched the dress from her hands. ‘Harry answered the phone. He’s alive, ain’t he?’
Dolly’s eyes glazed over. She had no fight left and no will to go on. She felt as if someone had kicked her hard in the pit of her stomach. The burning feeling began to spread outward and upward, engulfing her entire body, but when she spoke her voice was calm. ‘If you say so, Linda,’ she said, still with her back to them all.
‘I do say so, Dolly. And you know he is.’ Linda asked the question on all of their lips. ‘What about the rest of the money? What you really done with it? Harry got that now, has he?’
Dolly was burning up, her mouth incredibly dry. She swallowed hard. ‘You think I’m working with Harry? You think I knew?’ she said, still not turning to face them.
Bella held Linda back as she tried to grab Dolly’s arm. ‘We just need to know what’s going on, Dolly,’ she said calmly.
Dolly turned and looked at each girl one by one. She was trembling as she moved over to the drinks trolley. She put out a hand to reach for the bottle and her hand shook so much she couldn’t lift it. Then her whole body started to shake uncontrollably.
‘Is he alive, Dolly?’ Linda persisted. Dolly was shaking like a frail old lady. Bella and Shirley looked at each other, worried that something was terribly wrong.
The sudden, frightening explosion of emotional anger took them all by surprise. Over went the drinks trolley, glasses, food, anything Dolly could lay her hands on she hurled across the room. She grabbed her holdall, pulled handfuls of her money out and flung it at the three women. Her voice was like a low growl to begin with; then it got louder and louder as she snarled like a mad dog over and over: ‘YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!’
The girls stood huddled together. They’d never seen Dolly like this before — they’d never seen anyone like this before! They had no idea what to do, how to help, how to comfort, how to make the pain she was in go away.
When Dolly had nothing left to throw, her face twisted and she began pulling at the dressing gown, trying to rip it with her nails. Her head shook backward and forward as she glowered at them like a rabid animal. It was a terrifying thing to watch. She pulled the dressing gown off her shoulders and began to scratch at her bare arms. Deep red welts appeared and her voice rose higher and higher. ‘You want to know what it felt like?’ Dolly yelled. ‘What it felt like to find out? It was like a raging fire inside me. It’s still inside me: he’s inside me... out, get him out of me, dear God get him out!’
Dolly’s scratched her arms deeper and harder until the blood ran down to her fingers.
Linda’s eyes almost popped out of her head, Shirley’s face began to pucker like a frightened child, but it was Bella who took action. Linda thought she was going to slap Dolly out of her hysteria, but she grabbed her in a bear hug and held her as tight as she could. Dolly struggled, her arms pinned at her sides by Bella’s huge strength. Dolly sobbed in Bella’s arms and, as she loosened her grip, Dolly slid to the floor and landed on her knees.
No one knew what to do.
The tears Dolly had wanted to cry for so long finally came in floods. She wept as she had never done before. She had wept for Harry many times, but these awful wrenching sobs were different, and although the pain was excruciating, they were a welcome release.
Hardly able to stand it, Shirley stepped forward to comfort Dolly, but Bella stopped her. Dolly had to let it all go, because keeping it all inside was killing her. The sobbing went on and on and on until finally Dolly was so exhausted that she had nothing left. Helping her to her feet, Bella gently held her again, rocking Dolly back and forth and whispering to her that it was all right. It was all right now. It was all over.
None of them could believe that this was the strong-minded woman they had fought and argued with for months and months. Linda felt so guilty she couldn’t look at Dolly and just sat clenching and unclenching her hands. Shirley lit a cigarette, bent down and held it out to Dolly, but she was too exhausted even to lift her hand to take it. Shirley held it to her lips and Dolly drew on the hot smoke, pulling at the cigarette like a baby with a dummy, filling her lungs and slowly letting the smoke drift out.
The tears rolled down Dolly’s face, but she made no effort to wipe them away. She tried to stand, but was too weak, so Bella guided her to a chair. Dolly sat motionless, the front of her dressing gown wet with tears and the sleeve wet with blood.
The girls waited.
Eventually Dolly spoke. Her speech was a stream of disjointed thoughts as she tried to piece it all together.
‘I suspected when I went to Jimmy Nunn’s place... but not for certain... and... I didn’t want to believe it was possible... I thought I’d buried him, but it was Jimmy Nunn. I buried Jimmy Nunn... I cried for Jimmy Nunn... Harry must have been driving the front van... I’m so sorry. He was the fourth man and I’m so very, very sorry for what happened to your fellas.’
‘But Harry’s watch. Was Jimmy wearing it?’ Linda asked sincerely.
Dolly shook her head. ‘Only Harry knows...’
She held out her hand for another cigarette and Shirley handed one to her. Dolly sat and smoked in silence. Then her face suddenly twisted, her body shaking as she spoke. ‘The way that Trudie looked at me when I introduced meself! It was as if I was a piece of dirt. I think he was there. Hiding. Wolf knew, I think. Wolf could smell his dad in that grubby little dump of a flat. Just like he smelt him in the lock-up.’ Dolly held her head in her hands in disbelief. ‘I loved him so much. He was my life, I loved him from the first moment I saw him.’ She took a moment to try and calm herself. ‘Even when I pieced it together, I still — I still wanted him back.’ She lowered her head with shame. ‘I still loved him then, I wanted to be with him, but I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t tell you that. I was too ashamed.’ Dolly wiped her nose with the sleeve of her dressing gown and looked up at the girls. ‘I wouldn’t have let him touch your money,’ she said. ‘He would have had to kill me first.’
Dolly stood up, tall and straight. She tightened her dressing gown belt and ran her hands through her hair. She was a fighter: she always had been and there was still plenty of fight left in her.
‘I’ve left him nothing,’ she told them. ‘No money, no ledgers, nothing, not even a roof over his head. I’ve sold the house and everything in it from under him. On paper he’s dead, so there’s nothing he can do about it. All he can do now is go on the run. And keep running.’
Bella put up her hand as if she’d heard enough. ‘Take it easy, Dolly, you don’t know for certain he’s alive — none of us do. But even if he is, why sell everything so quickly and leave yourself with nowhere to live?’
Dolly smiled and calm spread over her face.
‘What are you going to do, Dolly?’ Shirley asked.
‘Buy twenty years of my life back.’ She walked toward the bedroom.
‘That’s it, Dolly. You have a lie down,’ Linda said.