“I need to go home, there will be a funeral, I will need to make the arrangements,” I said with a monotone voice. I was scaring myself. Saying those words again was like reliving my mama’s death and that was the most traumatic experience of my life. Having to do it again scared me. I thought I would break and if I break again I fear there wouldn’t be any turning back.
“Okay, I will send my driver to get your clothes and I will have my jet ready for you, I wish I could go with you, Vicky, but I can’t leave right now,” he explained regretfully.
“I don’t need a jet Bryce, I will just buy myself a plane ticket and go home. And your driver doesn’t have to get me anything I will go back to my apartment to pack.”
“Vicky, you are taking the jet, trust me you will get there faster and you won’t need to deal with airport lines, but if you would like to pack I understand, my driver will be at your disposal and take you to the plane when you are ready. We just need to provide a takeoff time,” he explained. The truth was that I was so shaky I didn’t want to be alone, but I knew Bryce was a busy man. I’ve learned what I could and couldn’t expect from him.
“I appreciate your generosity,” I said, standing from the couch and swiping my tears away.
“Vicky, I am sorry,” he breathed out. He looked torn. “I have meetings this afternoon, I really do wish I could come with you and pay respects to the man that raised you. He did the job I was supposed to do, even though my gut tells me that you were probably better off,” he said, bowing his head to the ground.
“Thank you for helping Bryce, don’t feel bad. I know you have a lot of responsibility. I can see how torn you are between choosing family and work. Tyson is like your family, and they depend on you too,” I replied, giving his shoulder a squeeze while trying to reassure him.
“You’re a kind girl, Vicky. Your parents raised you well. I know you feel alone now, but I do want you to come back to New York. We still need to spend time together, and I hope to make more time in the future,” he said, giving me a sad grin. I understood in that moment what Luc meant about him being a good person. He was a good person, but his responsibilities to Tyson came first.
As I thought of Luc, I knew he was busy but I needed him like I needed my own breath. I sent him a text.
Hi, how are things with the Japanese?
I didn’t want to deliver my bad news through a text message. I would wait for him to call, and then I would tell him that I needed him. The idea of wanting to lean on someone and depend on them made me feel vulnerable, but I needed him so badly because I was in danger of falling into a dark place. I knew he could keep me grounded. I made my way back out to the elevators and back to the second tower where I collected my things. I notified Sheila that I would be leaving and to notify the shuttle that I wasn’t going to the plant today. She looked sad and worried and my lack of an explanation probably didn’t help.
Bryce’s driver took me back to the apartment. I went to my own apartment first, figuring I would pack my things then head up to Luc’s to get the rest of my belongings. As I opened the apartment door Nessa was in the kitchen wearing a pink tank top and short cut-offs. She was singing some tune on a high note while flipping pancakes. I almost wanted to laugh at the scene but I was overcome with sorrow.
Her spatula fell out of her hand and her hand flew to her chest holding her heart. “Shit, Vicky, what are you doing home in the middle of the day? You just scared the living shit out of me,” she said with a scolding tone. When she noticed I was at a loss for words her own face paled. “What’s wrong? What happened? Talk to me right now,” she demanded, with her sassy voice and her hands on her waist.
Without answering I walked over to the white leather couch at the center of the main room and fell back, my mental agony was draining everything out of me. “My papa died,” I finally managed to get out. Nessa’s hand flew to her mouth and she yelped. “Shit, that’s bad.” Her responses to things were sometimes unexpected because she tended to say exactly what she was thinking.
“Yes….I have to go home and arrange things…I’m the only one….” In that moment I realized that I had to find my brother, Joe. He had been gone too long and it was time for him to return. Nessa threw her arms around my neck, but it didn’t console me. “I need to pack, Nessa,” I said patting her hand. She released me and I stood up. I felt spacey as I made my way to my room to pack. I also realized that I wasn’t fitting all my new clothes into my old duffle bag. With nothing to look forward to but a funeral in Thunder Bay, I realized that once things were taken care of I would return to New York. Luc and Bryce were here, and now even Nessa was staying here. I grabbed a small backpack I had in the closet and filled it with as many clothes as possible. I figured I still had some clothes back home in my closet, so I would make do.
Before leaving my room, I checked my phone again to see if Luc had replied to my text message. There was still no response and I didn’t know what it meant. It was very unlike him not to get back to me. I wanted to drop by his apartment anyway to pick up some of my toiletries. If he didn’t respond by then I would call. As I walked back into the main room Nessa was still seated on the couch, twiddling her fingers and looking lost and sad. The smell of something burning immediately invaded my senses, and I quickly ran to the source of the smell to see what was wrong. “Shit, Nessa, you charcoaled the pancakes,” I said, quickly lifting the pan from the gas stove. Even the handle was burning hot and I dumped it into the sink. “Nessa,” I snapped again and she lifted her head and jumped to her feet.
“Sorry, Vick, you really threw me off. I think I should go back to Thunder Bay with you,” she offered looking pale and distant.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to, I will manage. I guess I usually do. You just started working at the deli, I don’t want you to jeopardize your job.”
“I could always find another one if you need me.”
“Thanks, Ness, I appreciate it but it’s okay. Bryce is flying me back to Thunder Bay on his jet. I will just grab my backpack and head up to Luc’s to grab a few things, and then I will leave. I should be back in New York right after the funeral.” I gave Nessa a hug and she squeezed me a little too hard. “I will keep you posted.” I patted her back hoping that she would release me from her vice grip. She looked as lost as I felt, and I knew why we were quite a pair.
“I can’t believe you are flying home on a personal jet. I want to squeal right now, but I know this isn’t the right time….oh…bye, Vick,” she waved as I walked out of the apartment. I hadn’t been living there long, but the place had begun to grow on me. For the first time in a long time, I was on a good routine away from my self-destructive days.
As I entered the elevator I sent a text message to the driver that I would be down in ten minutes. He replied that the jet was ready. As I walked toward Luc’s door I noticed it was open a crack. I wondered if he was rushing this morning and forgot to lock-up. It seemed unlike him to do something like that. He always checked the locks and made sure everything was secure at night. As I stepped into his apartment all the lights were off but the sun shone through the blinds providing enough light for me to see where I was walking. I made my way up the stairs quickly. When I reached the top step, I stopped dead in my tracks. Luc was sitting on an armchair in the hallway, he was leaning far off to the side, holding a tumbler with amber liquid. Beside the armchair was an old fashioned marble table with a large bottle of the same amber liquid floating inside. The bottle looked half empty.
“Holy shit, Luc, you scared the crap out of me, what’s going on?” I asked, knowing something was off if he was drinking alcohol. He hadn’t touched a drink in two years, his life had been about control and making amends. Something bad must have happened to him today for me to find him in this state.