As the casket lowered into the ground, I took long deep breaths. Having Luc beside me meant everything. He pulled me out of the depths of hell. When I met him I was a lost broken girl on a self-destructive path. My tears had remained silent, ripping me apart slowly from the inside as I found random hook-ups to fill the void I’d been feeling, or numb the pain; I am not sure which. Loving Luc freed me from the chains that held me captive. The chains of abandonment: feeling that I needed to be alone my whole life because I didn’t trust loving, the fear of being abandoned again. I knew now that he would never leave me; never abandon our child or me.
When the funeral was over we all got into our cars and headed back to my parents' vacant house. The pregnancy had me feeling tired and nauseous all the time, and the new wound to my upper thigh meant that I was also limping. Despite my sadness over Papa’s passing, I felt more whole inside than I had in a long time.
***
“Bryce, can I make you some tea or coffee?” I asked, standing up from the kitchen table. All of us had walked back in here feeling solemn and we all took a seat at the kitchen table.
“I’m good, Vicky, you sit down and I will make you something. I called the local deli and spoke to a lady named Marie…” he began.
“Yes, she was just at the funeral,” I responded.
“I ordered a bunch of food, it should be here shortly. You need to eat and keep up your strength, that’s my grandchild you’re carrying.” He smiled.
“Thanks, Bryce, I do feel wiped out right now. I feel sick twenty-four hours a day,” I huffed, wondering when the feeling of nausea would subside.
“We need to take you to see a doctor for a check-up,” Luc cut in, as he lifted my hand in his and held on to it. I looked into his eyes and he stared back lovingly.
“Yeah, Vick, what are your plans now?” Joe cut in. “I was put on a temporary leave because of the bullet wound, but I still need to go back to Mexico to get Eva and Nelly.”
“Don’t worry, Joe,” Bryce and Luc cut in. Then we all glanced at each other and began to laugh. Although, Joe was cursing while laughing because it hurt his abdomen.
“We’ll take care of her,” Bryce smiled to Joe.
“That’s my baby she’s carrying in there,” Luc said, reaching over and rubbing my stomach. Something about his gesture felt intimate, and I blushed as Bryce and Joe watched Luc doting over me.
“I have to leave, Vicky, but I will send the jet back whenever you need it,” Bryce said.
I looked over to Luc. I didn’t know what his plans were, but I couldn’t get out of Thunder Bay fast enough. “What do you think?” I asked, looking over to him. Joe and I decided that we should sell the house. The place had become filled with too many painful memories.
“Whatever you want, pretty girl,” Luc grinned. I felt sore and tired but when Luc gave me that panty-dropping stare and called me ‘pretty girl,’ he got my panties in a twist and I wanted nothing more than to ravish him in that moment. It was only a slightly inappropriate time with my father and brother around.
“I’m ready to go back to New York, if that’s okay,” I replied biting my lower lip.
“Of course,” Luc replied.
“I can speak to a local real estate agent and have them take care of the sale of the house,” Bryce offered.
“That would be great Bryce, thank you.” I smiled, standing up from the table. As I stood, all three men stood along with me, and I broke out into a fit of giggles. Having these three large men doting on me was just plain funny. “I’m going up to pack my things.”
Joe stood up and followed me to the stairs. My big brother had been keeping some pretty big secrets in his time away from home. I may have been shot the night I was kidnapped, but I still remember him coming through the door and pointing the gun at Luc’s father and brother. He was bustling with self-esteem and assurance. He knew exactly what he was doing with his gun, and the way he shot Luc’s father saved me from getting shot again. When he came to my hospital room and admitted that he was working for the Drug Enforcement Agency in the United States, I was floored and worried, but it was a life that was making him happy. I didn’t want to be a sore tooth for him.
“Do you need help packing?” he asked, as we made our way upstairs to the main hallway.
“I’m good, Joe.” I smiled, heading into my room. He followed me and leaned against the doorframe watching me.
“Things are a little complicated with Eva. I need to heal first before I go to get her,” he explained hesitantly. I knew there was so much more he was hiding.
“I can’t imagine Joe.” I rolled my eyes.
“I can’t give you specifics, Vick, because it’s classified,” he said.
My hand flew to my mouth. “You want to tell me that Eva is somehow connected to the drug trade?” I asked, feeling sick and flabbergasted.
“It’s complicated,” he shrugged his shoulders while his hands stayed in his dress pant pockets.
“To say the least,” I shook my head from side to side. “Come and stay with me in New York, until you are feeling better. I feel like it would be good for us to use this time together, and you can pretty much have the place to yourself. Nessa is there but I spend my time at Luc’s, he’s one floor above me. It wouldn’t cost you rent and it would be awesome.”
He stared at me blankly then shrugged his shoulders. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I shrieked.
“Yes, relax yourself, okay.” He smiled and I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a big hug.
“Thanks, Joe.”
“I’m going to pack, I will leave with you. I wouldn’t mind seeing your father’s jet.” He smirked, but I could tell that saying the word ‘father’ hurt him. He had accepted Bryce and he liked him but it didn’t dissolve the pain we both felt over Papa.
I continued to pack in my room. I suddenly felt like I couldn’t get back to New York fast enough. I hadn’t been in touch with Nessa all week, she must be worried sick and I had come to like the routine I fell into in the short time I was there.
***
Luc
I stayed in the kitchen to talk with Bryce a bit. We hadn’t had a chance to discuss what happened at the motel.
“How are you holding up, Luc?” Bryce asked.
“I’m good.” I nodded. He continued to look at me square in the eye, like he knew something was eating away at me. None of us that were at the motel that night mentioned anything to the cops, but after Joe shot my father, I intentionally shot him one more time and aimed for his heart. No matter how bad my father had been to me growing up, and no matter how much he may have deserved his end, it didn’t help the guilt that sat heavy on my chest. I ended his life intentionally. I did it to protect my new family, because I knew with him alive, they would never be safe. I wasn’t charged for shooting my father, it was considered self-defense, but it didn’t ease the guilt.
“Luc, Joe told me,” he said assertively. He knew what I did. Shit! What he must think of me.
“I didn’t have a choice, Bryce. He shot Vicky in the leg, and I couldn’t tell where she was shot. I only saw her blood and I lost it. I knew in that moment he would have to die, or else he would keep on coming after us. When Joe shot him, I knew he didn’t aim to kill, he just managed to get him away from Vicky. In my mind it was a temporary fix so I made sure I ended it. I fucked up, but in that moment I didn’t think I had another choice. I knew Vicky was pregnant. I couldn’t have my father in this world with a child of mine roaming around, my child would have never been safe.”