My smile faded as I watched him go.
Frey had informed me that sword and knife work were going to be added to Skylar’s archery lessons and math, writing and reading tutorials. Wooden daggers and swords, which could do little harm should mistakes occur, had been purchased for this very purpose.
I did not like it and told Frey so. Archery was one thing; Sky was too young to be working with weapons, which swords and daggers definitely were, even wooden ones. To this, Frey informed me in the coming weeks Skylar would turn twelve and then he went on to inform me this was not too young. I disagreed with that too, thinking such lessons should start when he was fifteen or sixteen.
Or thirty.
When I shared this opinion with him, he’d laughed his ass off. Unfortunately, Thad and Stephan were with him so they laughed their asses off too. I stormed off in a huff after glaring death rays at them which was not a good choice because this made them all keep laughing their asses off.
Skylar, however, agreed with Frey and was excited beyond reason to begin his lessons as any boy would be, learning cool-as-shit boy stuff from trained, experienced, skilled, tall, fit, hot, action hero type guys.
And thus, I was outvoted.
I heard boots on wood and twisted my neck to see Frey heading my way from the other side of the bridge deck. I smiled at him and his gaze dropped to my mouth then back to my eyes. I started to turn toward him but he halted this when he arrived at me, his hands turning me gently back to face the fading beauty of Bellebryn then his arms wrapped around me, one across my chest, one at my ribs.
Then his mouth came to my ear and I knew he knew my thoughts because he whispered, “As I explained, love, boys of his class sometimes never even learn their letters and numbers. Knowing those, the workings of a ship and being skilled with knives, swords and bows brightens his future. When he’s old enough to make decisions on the life path he wishes to follow, these lessons will provide a choice of paths, paths most of the boys of his class could never hope to pursue. It is good the men wish to take this time with him. It is a boon and he knows it.” Frey’s arms gave me a squeeze. “And they are skilled; no harm will come to him while he trains.”
He had explained this. And it did make sense.
I still didn’t like it.
And it was more than my opinion that boys Skylar’s age were too young to begin serious training with weapons, something else I explained to Frey before.
So, since he repeated himself, I did too.
“He’s eleven and he’s still vulnerable, Frey,” I whispered. “Annar and I have been working with him and he still freaks out when he messes up. He gets so tense at the slightest mistake it takes days to calm him down.”
“This will pass, Finnie,” Frey whispered back.
“But –”
His arms squeezing me gently cut me off then his voice sounded in my ear. “This will pass, wee one, and the only way to get it to pass is to work him through it.”
I pulled in a deep breath. Then I let it out.
This made sense too, damn it all to hell.
So I gave in (again) by whispering, “Okay.”
I felt Frey’s lips touch light on my neck and then in my ear I heard, “Okay.”
I relaxed into his big, powerful frame and ran my hands along his arms until my fingers linked through his and I watched Bellebryn become tiny as The Finnie gained distance.
Then I remarked, “I’m glad to be aboard again. It means I get your beard back.”
I felt Frey’s body start behind mine and the amusement in his voice when he asked, “What?”
I kept my eyes on the distance when I repeated, “I get your beard back. I haven’t decided if I think you’re more handsome with the beard or without it. I’m glad I get it back so I’ll have another opportunity to try and figure it out.”
This was true but it was also a lie because I was never going to figure it out.
This got me another squeeze and a short, low chuckle then, “Anytime you want it back, my Finnie, you only need say. Shaving is a pain in the arse and I’m pleased to give it a rest.”
“All righty then,” I agreed. “I’ll give you a head’s up when I’m in the mood for whiskers.”
“My thanks,” he muttered, voice still amused but something weighed on it, I could hear it, I could even feel it.
I just didn’t know what it was.
Except I knew what it was for me.
The last two months had been perfect, sailing south over the emerald waters of the Green Sea, the days becoming warmer and longer, feeling the sun shining on my skin, experiencing the fairytale beauty of Bellebryn and the breathtaking fantasyland that was Hawkvale, making new friends, eating new foods, working with Skylar and seeing progress as his tension ebbed and his personality began to flow.
Not to mention, I’d gotten my first bulls-eye.
And all of this happened with my gentle, quick to smile, quick to laugh, handsome husband who I knew enjoyed, just like me, the heat of the sun, the longer days, the food, the vistas, the people and being with me.
And he made no bones about that.
As ever, he was often at his own tasks but these were few when he didn’t have me close. And as our days slid by and with it our time, nothing had cooled, nothing had faded, in fact, everything, including the time we spent alone and naked, heated, grew brighter, more intense.
All this, I told myself, meant Frey had to love me.
He had to.
He just hadn’t told me.
And therefore I hadn’t told him.
And, considering we were again at sea, we were again on the move, we were off to face whatever was next and that weight still pulled at his tone, I wondered if it was because he was waiting for me to say it so he could.
He was a virile, hot, action guy and although he never shied away from demonstrations of affection, both physical and verbal, maybe declaring his deep, abiding (for mine was both so his had to be too) love was a shade too far and he needed me to assure him that these feelings were mutual.
But I was nervous at the thought of putting that out there even though Frey gave me not one, single indication I should be.
Still, I was.
But I shouldn’t be.
Nevertheless, I was.
Shit.
Shit!
I sucked in breath and let the emerald of the sea and the green of the shore fill my vision.
Then I whispered to my husband, “We’re breaking the cardinal rule.”
“The what?”
“The cardinal rule, the most important rule there is, the one you never, ever break,” I explained.
“And what is this important rule we’re breaking, wee Finnie?” Frey asked.
I studied the vista as I answered, “Dad always said, never look back. Always look forward. Always look where you’re going; never waste time on where you’ve been. You’ve been there so you don’t have to take that time and wasting any time, even a breath, is a mistake. Memories can be shared of the good times but they need to be shared while your eyes are to the horizon, faced forward. No matter where we went, when we left, he didn’t let us look back. When I was young, he made a game of it. By the time I grew older, I did it out of habit, never looking back, not even a glance.” I pulled in a soft breath and finished, “And now we’re looking back. Dad would be disappointed.”
I barely stopped speaking before Frey moved me from the railing, turned me toward the helm and I heard him say low, “Thad.”
Thad was at the huge, wooden wheel. He looked over his shoulder at Frey, lifted his chin then looked to me and grinned. I grinned back, he moved away and Frey moved in, positioning me so I was standing with my back leaned into him then his hands were at the wheel and the blue of the cloudless sky meeting the brilliant emerald of the Green Sea with the lushly greened islands rising out of the water The Finnie was flowing passed were all I could see.