I recall myself, force my will upon the serpent’s triangular head until the black agate chips of its eyes slant, grow pale and green and glowing and its shining scales take on the contours of fluttering leaves. Before me the Boy shimmers into sight, face and body rippling as though seen through waves of heated air, His eyes alone steady and unwavering, green tunnels leading into darkness.
I pull back to consciousness, sit up drunkenly to peer at Jane’s face twisted into a look of blank yet intense concentration. Her eyes fluttered open and she blinked, trying to bring me into focus.
“That, how did you, what—” she stammered, swaying. Miss Scarlet clutched her arm as Jane reached for something not quite there, leaf falling through autumn light or whirring emerald-hinged beetle. Marveling, she brought her hand before her face, then suddenly doubled over as though struck.
“Aaah—” she groaned. She twisting to stare at me, choking on her words. “Take him!—make it go! —”
I stared at her coldly: she was but another of those bright figures moving through a gray landscape. Her pleas faded to a whisper of despair, the sigh of wind in leafless branches. Then I heard Miss Scarlet’s shrill voice, chattering and keening and it was that I could not bear, it was that which finally drew me back—
“Help her, Wendy! Please—”
I turned from her, bowed my head to meet Jane’s eyes. Dull now and exhausted, their light extinguished as she contemplated what He offered her, the wasted fields and stony ground that would give birth to no more birds, no more serpents or sambars or black-eyed vixens. Only livid sky to see and ashes to taste for eternity, only this and nothing more.
“Look at me,” I said. I squeezed my eyes so tightly closed that tears welled from them. I summoned Him, forced Him to turn that implacable gaze from Jane to me, His glittering emerald eyes staring without anger or surprise, their reserve broken all the same as they froze upon me.
“Leave her,” I commanded.
He stared, cold and pitiless as a great cat disturbed at its repast. Then, slowly, He smiled, gnashing His small white teeth as He acceded me this small triumph; and faded into nothing.
The remainder of our trip to the Zoo was subdued. Jane crept back to consciousness, shaken as a child waking from a nightmare. Like a child she recovered quickly, although her eyes darted distrust as she walked beside me, and she held herself a little distant even from Miss Scarlet. Miss Scarlet was quiet upon her antlered mount, the sambar the only one of us unshaken, if silent as the rest.
My own thoughts were bleak ones. I felt a growing sense of shame at what I had done, and an odd bewilderment: because how was it that I was feeling shame? How was it that I felt anything and everything these days, until it seemed I was a roiling caldron of joys and terrors spilling over to scald those who loved me, those whom Justice had named as the only wall between myself and the dark?‘ Was that how I had pushed Him back, the Boy in the tree? Was it as Dr. Harrow had dreamed: that exposure to sensation, to real human emotion and not the refined chemistries of HEL , had rived new channels through the scars in my brain, so that I now began to feel what I had distilled from the hearts of others for all these years?
And could it be that feeling these things made one stronger, not weak and stupid as Anna and Gligor and myself had always thought? Strong enough that my own tongue might one day drown out the Small Voices, and my own eyes lock with the Boy’s and force Him back into the empty lands beyond sleep and dreaming?
But I did not know any of this; only guilt and sorrow and apprehension of the long night ahead. To ease the trek I went over my lines, and found myself repeating what Miss Scarlet had told me when we first met:
They that have power to hurt and will do none,
That do not do the thing they most do show …
Pondering these words, I came to the northwest part of the City, where I had never been before: where ancient gates rose from the trees and rubble to enclose the Zoological Gardens, and where if one stood upon the yellowing turf beneath the Regent’s Oak one might glimpse in the near distance the black cusp of the Engulfed Cathedral stabbing at the sky.
All was in an uproar when we arrived. A spotted cat, Rufus Lynx’s namesake, had escaped. It was to have been led by a very young Paphian girl (looking much relieved by the turn of events) to the center of the grass-grown amphitheater where our play would progress, and there presented with pretty ceremony to the Regent as the festivities began.
“Mmm! Jane Alopex! Mmm, they were looking for you in the Paradise Aviary, mmm mmm—”
A short heavyset man puffed up to greet us as we entered the Zoo barricades, waving back the two gatekeepers who hurried to his side.
“Rufus!” exclaimed Jane Alopex, dropping the sambar’s bridle and wiping her hands on her breeches.
“Yes yes, mmm, hallo, Rufus Lynx, mmm, Scarlet Pan, yes, h’lo, mmm, Aidan, yes yes yes—”
Nodding, he shook all our hands, not excluding the abashed Jane’s. The Regent was nearly bald, with a soft fine fringe of dark hair that might once have been red and stuck out in uneven peaks about his pink skull. This, along with his habit of humming to himself and his saffron tunic, gave him the manner of an agitated cockatiel. He wore muck-stained boots and bright trousers spattered with dirt and flecks of birdseed, and barely came up to my chin. He expressed vague pleasure at meeting Miss Scarlet once again, but scarcely seemed to see me at all. He was intent only upon recapturing the fugitive lynx.
“Now Jane, mmm, come along, it’s frightened the nesting hoopoes into the rafters and Fauna Avis seems to think you’re the only one can get them down again, mmm mmm.”
He took Jane’s arm and started to walk off with her, leaving the sambar to the care of the two gatekeepers. Jane patted it goodbye and waved at Miss Scarlet, then gazed at me coldly. But after a moment she grinned wryly. “I’ll find you and Scarlet later,” she said, and sauntered off.
This left me alone with Miss Scarlet. The early afternoon’s cool breeze licked at my neck and I shivered.
“Come, Wendy,” Miss Scarlet said in a low voice, slipping her small hand into mine. “I’ll show you where I grew up.”
We started along a neat little path of crushed tarmac, weeds and dead plants trimmed from its borders. In the near distance several odd buildings poked through the mesh of leafless trees and tall wild grasses. On the paths between these raced figures clad brightly as Jane Alopex, carrying buckets and trays and brooms in a rumpus of activity such as I had never seen elsewhere in the City.
We passed a red-roofed pagoda with a wrought-iron stork standing one-legged at each end of its peak. Two real storks stalked splenetically between these effigies, ugly and bald and with beady eyes as bloodshot as a Senator’s. When they met in the roof’s middle they paused, flapped their wings and clacked their bills together dolefully before continuing on their brooding perambulation.
“The Bird House,” explained Miss Scarlet. She waved at the storks, who glared down disapprovingly as we walked past.
Next was a stark glass and steel structure that gleamed coldly in the sun. Amorphous figures fluttered in some of its dark windows. In others tiny furred faces pressed close against the glass to stare out at us with wide mad eyes, baring their teeth and scrabbling at the glass as we went by. Miss Scarlet grew tight-lipped at the sight of them and quickened her pace, head bowed. After this a gentle slope rose before us, topped by a mock gothic cathedral with stone geckos and chameleons instead of gargoyles perched upon its eaves.