"Don't think I won't," she says.
We pull up in the driveway and Perkins lets us out, saying, "Lissie, it's been a pleasure. Might I escort you to the door?"
Tipsy, giggly and adorable, she turns to me and tries to adopt a dignified, snobbish accent: "Perkins wishes to escort me to our abode, Charles. Does that meet with your approval?"
Perkins signals me to stay behind. "Of course, dahling," I say, attempting to match her accent. "Go on in. I'll settle up with the good man and join you momentarily."
They walk to the front door and Perkins waits for her to enter. As she does, Lissie gushes, "Perkins, this has been the most wonderful night ever. Thank you for driving us. It's been such a pleasure to meet you!"
"The pleasure's all mine, Miss."
She looks at me, standing by the car. "I've got the greatest husband in the whole world! What do you think, Perkins? Is he a keeper?"
"He's certainly one of a kind, Miss."
Perkins watches her enter the house and close the door. Then he approaches me.
"You think I'm scum, don't you?" I say.
"We're all scum," he says. Then he points at the front door. "Except for her. A girl like that? She deserves better."
"What happens now?"
He reaches into his pocket and removes a white capsule and hands it to me. "You're going to pull the capsule apart and empty the contents into her drink. You're going to stand over her and make sure she drinks every last drop."
"What is it?"
"A sedative."
"Is it safe?"
"Of course it's safe. A word to the wise, make sure she's in bed when you give it to her."
"Why's that?"
"Look, you're running out of time, so don't screw this up, okay? No long-winded toasts, no love talk, no sex. Get this into her system immediately. You do that, she'll be zonked by one o'clock, and she'll stay that way until you return."
"You going to be here when Rudy comes?"
"No."
"He said there'd be another guy here."
"So?"
"You know who it is?"
"No."
"You seem a nice guy, Perkins. Why are you involved with a guy like Rudy?"
He pauses a moment, then says, "Buddy, look at me."
I look into his impassive face.
"Yeah?"
"Don't make the mistake of thinking you and I are friends, because we're not. Personally, I don't give a shit what happens to you."
"Okay. It just seemed like you were trying to help."
He gestures to the house. "Her, not you."
"Story of my life," I say.
"She deserves better."
I can't argue the point, so I look at the capsule in my hand, and say, "Lissie doesn't really drink at home."
"You better hope she does tonight."
"Why's that?"
"If she's awake, Rudy will make her participate."
Chapter 22
Lissie says she'll be happy to toast to our new success after slipping into something more comfortable, which turns out to be a sexy nightie she'd purchased for the occasion.
"You like it?"
"Love it!"
We're in the bedroom. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, holding two glasses of wine. She's standing in front of me, lifting the nightie, offering me a peek at her matching see-through panties.
"Wanna test drive?"
I do, but I remember what Perkins said about getting the drug into her system immediately. He made a good point about not giving Rudy an excuse to involve Lissie in the whole Jinny Kidwell and Ed Oglethorpe situations. Jinny said Lissie would never believe what we did, but Rudy strikes me as the type of guy who'd have proof. Lissie might also wonder what type of monster could escort her to dinner and a concert while knowing he had a dead body in the trunk of his car the whole time.
It takes some urging, but I finally get her to sit beside me and drain her glass. Perkins was right about making sure she was in bed first, because the minute I get our empty glasses on the night stand, Lissie falls sideways and slides off the bed. Fortunately, I'm within three feet of her, so I'm able to catch her before she hits the floor. She seems twice as heavy as she should, and I remember reading a novel once about how carrying "dead weight" is much harder than people think.
In any event, I manage to get her on the bed, and push her far enough toward the middle to keep her from rolling off again. She's snoring lightly, so I put a pillow under her head and turn her sideways. I kiss her cheek and change into some clothes I hope are appropriate for burying a body.
According to my watch, I've got about twenty minutes. I wonder if I should have another drink, to fortify myself for the grave digging, but decide that between what I consumed at dinner, and the wine just now, I've had enough. I turn out the bedroom lights and stand by the window that faces the front yard. I'm worried about the meeting for several reasons. One, Rudy scares the shit out of me. Two, though it's hard to imagine, the guy Rudy's bringing might be worse. Three, what if I get caught? Four, poor Mr. Oglethorpe. Sure, he was a bastard of a boss, but he has a wife and kids who probably care for him. Now he's dead, and for no better reason than I wished it-and I wasn't even referring to him in the first place! If anyone from work should die a horrible death, it's Hilda. Five, digging a grave is bound to be strenuous work. I wonder how long it's going to take. Six, I wonder if maybe the grave I'm digging is really for me. I never saw Oglethorpe's body in my trunk. I wanted to open the trunk and look when I got home, but I also wanted to hide my money in the garage, and jump in the shower before Lissie could pick up Jinny's scent on me.
I turn to look at my wife. If the grave is for me, I'll never see her again, and she'll never know what happened to me. I wonder if I should leave a note of some kind. Then decide that's a terrible idea. If they can grant impossible wishes they can certainly destroy Lissie's life. I wonder if they'll let her keep the money after I'm dead. It seems the decent thing to do, if they're going to kill me. I wonder how long it will take her to find it.
I can't leave her a note saying there's money hidden in the garage. Knowing Lissie, she'd report it to the cops. I don't know what to do about the money right now, so I decide to do nothing, except hope they won't kill me.
I'm still standing there, looking out the window, thinking I should bring another set of clothes and sneakers, so I can change afterward. It wouldn't be smart to drag dirt from the crime scene back into the house in the event something goes wrong.
Jesus, listen to me: crime scene!
I'm in way over my head.
It's dark outside, but there's a streetlight on the corner that offers enough light for me to make out the forms of two people dressed in black, emerging from Bill and Norma's back yard. I watch them cross the street and walk down my driveway. The river of ice in my veins makes it hard for me to move, but I force my way out of the bedroom and close the door carefully, praying Lissie sleeps peacefully until my return. I get down the stairs as quietly as possible, and enter the garage, making sure to lock the door that leads from the garage to the house before acknowledging the two men who have just entered my garage.
The first one to get his mask off is Rudy. But you could have knocked me over with a feather when I see who the other guy is.
Chapter 23
"What the hell?"
The guy standing beside Rudy is Richie, my best friend in the world, with the possible exception of Mike. Richie's usually pretty lively, but tonight he looks like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"What's going on here?" I ask.