Wish You Were Here
Rita Mae Brown
WISH YOU WERE HERE
A Bantam Book
PUBLISHING HISTORY
Bantam hardcover edition published December 1990
Bantam mass market edition / November 1991
Bantam mass market reissue / April 2004
Published by Bantam Dell
A Division of Random House, Inc. New York, New York
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved
Copyright © 1990 by American Artists, Inc.
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 90-1071
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address: Bantam Books, New York, New York.
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eISBN 0-553-89861-2 Published simultaneously in Canada
Contents
Cover Page
Title Page
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Cast of Characters
Author’s Note
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Afterword
Books by Rita Mae Brown
Previews of The Mrs. Murphy Series
Copyright Page
Dedicated to the memory of Sally Mead
Director of the Charlottesville-Albemarle
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
Acknowledgments
Gordon Reistrup helped me type and proofread, and Carolyn Lee Dow brought me lots of catnip. I couldn’t have written this book without them.
Cast of Characters
Mary Minor Haristeen (Harry), the young postmistress of Crozet, whose curiosity almost kills the cat and herself.
Mrs. Murphy, Harry’s gray tiger cat, who bears an uncanny resemblance to authoress Sneaky Pie and who is wonderfully intelligent!
Tee Tucker, Harry’s Welsh corgi, Mrs. Murphy’s friend and confidant; a buoyant soul
Pharamond Haristeen (Fair), veterinarian, being divorced by Harry and confused by life
BoomBoom Craycroft, a high-society knockout who carries a secret torch
Kelly Craycroft, BoomBoom’s husband
Mrs. George Hogendobber (Miranda), a widow who thumps her own Bible!
Bob Berryman, misunderstood by his wife, Linda
Ozzie, Berryman’s Australian shepherd
Market Shiflett, owner of Shiflett’s Market, next to the post office
Pewter, Market’s fat gray cat, who, when need be, can be pulled away from the food bowl
Susan Tucker, Harry’s best friend, who doesn’t take life too seriously until her neighbors get murdered
Ned Tucker, a lawyer and Susan’s husband
Jim Sanburne, mayor of Crozet
Big Marilyn Sanburne (Mim), queen of Crozet and a awful snob
Little Marilyn Sanburne, daughter of Mim, and not as dumb as she appears
Josiah Dewitt, a witty antiques dealer sought out by Big Marilyn and her cronies
Maude Bly Modena, a smart transplanted Yankee
Rick Shaw, Albemarle sheriff
Cynthia Cooper, police officer
Hayden McIntire, town doctor
Rob Collier, mail driver
Paddy, Mrs. Murphy’s ex-husband, a saucy tom
Author’s Note
Mother is in the stable mucking out stalls, a chore she richly deserves. I’ve got the typewriter all to myself, so I can tell you the truth. I would have kept silent, but that fat toad Pewter pushed her way onto the cover of Starting from Scratch. She took full credit for writing the book. Granted, Pewter’s ego is in a gaseous state, ever-expanding, but that act of feline self-advertisement was more than I could bear.
Let me set the record straight. I am seven years old and for the duration of my life I have assisted Mother in writing her books. I never minded that she failed to mention the extent of my contribution. Humans are like that, and since they’re such frail creatures (can you call fingernails claws?), I let it go. Humans are one thing. Cats are another, and Pewter, one year my junior, is not the literary lion she is pretending to be.
You don’t have to believe me. Let me prove it to you. I am starting a kitty crime series. Pewter has nothing to do with it. I will, however, make her a minor character to keep peace in the house. This is my own work, every word.
I refuse to divulge whether this novel is a roman à clef. I will say only that I bear a strong resemblance to Mrs. Murphy.
Yours truly,
SNEAKY PIE
1
Mary Minor Haristeen, Harry to her friends, trotted along the railroad track. Following at her heels were Mrs. Murphy, her wise and willful tiger cat, and Tee Tucker, her Welsh corgi. Had you asked the cat and the dog they would have told you that Harry belonged to them, not vice versa, but there was no doubt that Harry belonged to the little town of Crozet, Virginia. At thirty-three she was the youngest postmistress Crozet had ever had, but then no one else really wanted the job.
Crozet nestles in the haunches of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The town proper consists of Railroad Avenue, which parallels the Chesapeake Ohio Railroad track, and a street intersecting it called the Whitehall Road. Ten miles to the east reposes the rich and powerful small city of Charlottesville, which, like a golden fungus, is spreading east, west, north, and south. Harry liked Charlottesville just fine. It was the developers she didn’t much like, and she prayed nightly they’d continue to think of Crozet and its three thousand inhabitants as a dinky little whistle stop on the route west and ignore it.
A gray clapboard building with white trim, next to the rail depot, housed the post office. Next to that was a tiny grocery store and a butcher shop run by “Market” Shiflett. Everyone appreciated this convenience because you could pick up your milk, mail, and gossip in one central location.