“Oh Senara, take care,” I had begged.
“That is something I prefer to leave to others,” she had retorted. “Care! It’s dull, and I hate dull things. No, I shall never take care. I shall be bold and reckless. That is how I intend to live my life. I think Dickon is handsome. More so than your Fenn Landor and I tell you this, Tamsyn, you are not going to be the only one with a lover.”
“What other people have has nothing to do with loving.”
“So wise,” she had mocked me. Then came this indiscretion. She told me about it. “The door of the music-room opened and my mother stood there. We were seated at the table. My lute lay on it and Dickon had his arms about me. He was kissing me and suddenly we knew that we were not alone. You know how silently my mother comes into a room. She stood there and looked at us. She said nothing. It would have been better if she had. Dickon started to tremble. You know how they can all be so afraid of her. Then she walked to the table. We both stood up. Dickon’s face was scarlet. He has such beautiful fair skin. Mine doesn’t change colour like that. But I was as frightened as he was. She picked up my lute and gave it to me. ‘Play,’ she said. ‘Play a love song, a sad one, for love songs are often sad.’ I took the lute and she said ‘Play “My love has gone and forever more I mourn”.’ I did and she sat there listening. Then she looked at Dickon and said; ‘How well have you taught my daughter?’ He stammered that he had done his best and that I was an apt pupil. She sat there for a while. Then she got up and went out. We don’t know what will happen but Dickon is afraid.”
We soon discovered what had happened.
Dickon did not appear in the music-room again. He had been sent away.
Senara was violently angry and quietly sad in turns. She used to cry at night and talked constantly about Dickon. I had thought her feeling for him superficial, but this did not seem to be so, for as time went on she continued to remember him and speak of him with bitter and sorrowing regret.
Senara changed after that incident. She seemed always to be trying to score over me. I think there was a streak of envy in her nature and particularly where I was concerned. I used to remind myself that in the early days of her life she had been the waif about whom so little was known. Her very name betrayed that. The admiration she had had from Dickon had softened her considerably and when it was snatched from her she had really suffered.
At first she had confided more in Merry than in me. She insisted that I had my Fenn Landor and she spoke of him as though we were betrothed. I must confess I did not stop her as I should. I was, I suppose, so enamoured of the idea of being betrothed to Fenn that I couldn’t resist deluding myself into thinking that it was so.
Then my stepmother—no doubt influenced by the Dickon affair—said that now we were all growing up there should be more entertaining at the castle. She would invite the best of the neighbouring families. Some of them had eligible young men who might be interested in us, and there was Connell also to be considered.
My father evidently agreed. He seemed always to agree with my stepmother. At least I never saw any conflict between them. When I compared them with my late grandfather and grandmother I thought how different their relationship was and that there was something more normal in the bickering of my grandparents than in the quietness I observed between my parents—my father being the man he was. I sensed that when they were alone they were far from quiet; and sometimes the thought came into my mind that my stepmother was indeed a witch and even my father was in thrall to her.
“The young man who brought you from your grandmother’s,” she said, “was very charming. I believe he has a sister. Perhaps we should invite them both to stay here.”
I was delighted. I said I thought they would be pleased to come.
“We shall see,” said my stepmother.
The seamstress was working hard making new gowns for us. When we entered into a new reign fashions always seemed to change. In the country as we were, we were always a year or so behind but even so we were now getting what was called the short Dutch waist and the full farthingale. We had cartoose collars and tight sleeves under long sleeves hanging from the elbow. We had dresses with divided skirts to show barred petticoats usually much finer than the gown itself. Ruffs had disappeared—for which I was thankful—and in their place we had stand up collars. The sewing-room was littered with cloth of all kinds, taffeta and damask, some silk and velvet and a mixture of silk and some other thicker material called crash and mockado which was mock velvet.
The sewing-room was a symbol of the fact that there were three marriageable young people in the castle and weddings were to be expected. It was strange how gay that made everyone feel.
Merry was no ordinary maid, for we were both fond of her and she was very pretty too and full of life. She talked a great deal—particularly to Senara—of Jan her lover and how one day they were going to get married. There was great excitement when she was wearing a ring. It looked like gold—a thick band.
“It be my token ring from Jan,” Merry told us solemnly.
Alas, her triumph was short lived, for it seemed Jan had stolen the ring. He had taken it from my father’s possessions and when it was discovered there was a great upheaval in the castle.
Merry quickly lost her token ring and wept for it, but even more bitterly did she weep when Jan received his punishment. We three shut ourselves away so that we could hear nothing of it, but quite a number of the servants gathered in the Seaward courtyard. Jan was tied to the whipping-post and given ten lashes.
“’Twill be the shame of his life,” sobbed Merry. “He be such a proud man. He only took to give to me.”
Senara’s eyes flashed with anger. “A curse on those who are beating Jan,” she cried. “May their arms rot and …”
I silenced her. “Whoever lifts the whip against him does so on orders,” I said. “And, Senara, please do not say such things.”
“I mean them,” she cried.
I knew who had given the order for punishment. It was my father.
We comforted Merry as best we could. Senara prepared an ointment for she was interested in such things, and we sent it over for Jan’s back.
“It will let him know that we are thinking of him,” said Senara, “as well as help to cure him.”
The atmosphere of the castle had changed. An air of melancholy had descended on us.
There was a letter from my grandmother.
She was glad to hear that Fenn and his sister were coming to stay with us.
I’m afraid this could never have happened while his grandmother was alive (she wrote). Now, poor soul, she is at rest and perhaps the feud between the two families will be over. I could understand, of course, her bitter sorrow when her daughter died and some people must lay the blame for their sorrow on other shoulders. It’s a great mistake. You will see Fenn again and I am sure you will enjoy his company. I believe his sister Melanie is a charming girl.
My dearest Tamsyn, how I should love to join you, but I fear the journey would be too much for me. Perhaps later you would come to me. I have not been very well. Edwina is often here. I shall look forward to your being here soon, my dear child. Let me know about Fenn’s visit.
It was high summer when they came—Fenn, his sister Melanie, his mother and their servants. They were to stay for a week and my stepmother had made great preparations for them. She had evidently taken a fancy to the family; I was worldly enough to know that it was because they were rich. They had large estates about Trystan Priory and although in the beginning they had lost money in the trading venture there were rumours that that was now proving very successful.